Marriage is Easy, Divorce is Hard
By Kevin

Plot: Grace finalizes her divorce from Leo with a little help.
Timeline: Anywhere in the general season 7 region.
Author's Note: This was my first fan fiction and I’m open to any kind of feedback negative or positive as long as its constructive.
Disclaimer: I do not own Will and Grace or any of its characters nor am I affiliated with it in any way.


Will and Graces apartment. Grace is cleaning the kitchen obsessively when Jack and Karen enter and stare in amazement at her. Grace notices and looks at them bemused.

Grace: What?
Karen: Oh nothing honey it’s just you know, you...
Jack:...and hygiene!
Karen: Uh huh, I mean its just not very you is it.
Grace: I clean.
Karen: (Sarcastically) Sure you do honey, that’s why you’re always up to your little boy breasts in your own filth...
Jack:...and fashion mistakes! Though I do like the gas mask its very mysterious, very Michael Jackson, very who’s behind there. And it hides your gigantic nose maybe you should get one for your ass as well!
Grace: Hey Jack I’ve got a spray for parasites here, maybe I could try it out on you!
Karen: Aw good one honey, now do me.
Grace: Wow you haven’t said that since the office Christmas party.
Karen (chuckles) I’m such a horny drunk.
Jack: And apparently a visually impaired one if you wanted to do that mess, okay!
Karen: Oh honey I love when you so hoochie mama!

Will enters.

Will: Oh Jack and Karen are here...get out.
Jack: What, why? You don’t usually ask me that till much later, I haven’t even taken of my pants yet!
Will: Coz Grace is very sensitive at the moment and she needs our support not the sisters grim bringing her down. You guys do remember that we’re going to arbitration tomorrow.
Karen: Why honey? Is Grace suing mother nature coz what little there is to droop is going down south!
Will: Yes she’s suing, as apposed to you who fills a needle full of screw you Ma’ nature and has it injected into 703 different places on a monthly basis.
Karen: Oh Willma, rich trumps hairy so...
Grace: (Interrupting) I’m going to arbitration for the divorce hearing, I’m going to find out what I’m getting and I‘m cleaning to take my mind off it and be mocked apparently.
Karen: Why’s that being cleared up now it’s been months since can’t keep his mini Jew in his tighty whitey’s let rip inside nurse Slutenstein!
Grace: Well he’s been away in Cambodia all this time helping the poor and needy and then committing adultery with them!
Karen: Well Grace we’ll stand by you 100%.
Jack: Especially me coz if you get half of the hot doctor Jew’s everything I could find myself with a new hag!
End scene.

Law firm. Grace and Karen are sitting outside the arbitration room.

Karen: I’d better not see Leon coz if I do I won’t be held accountable for my actions.
Grace: Aw thanks Karen, that’s sweet...I guess. But I thought Rosario did all you gooning.
Karen: Oh she does honey but she had a recent fall so she won’t be up to it any time soon.
Grace: Oh my God is she in hospital?
Karen: No honey she’s still at the end of the stairs where I left her.
Grace: What!
Karen: Well you’re not supposed to move them or you it could make their injuries worse!
Grace: Well no but your not supposed to leave them there it just until the paramedics come.
Karen: That group of commies aren’t coming anywhere near me with there “drug tests” this and “rehab” that. Don’t worry honey she’ll be fine, I mean she survived when that van of nuns I was driving to the convent crashed. She was fine but let me tell you for a bunch of women married to God nuns can complain! No stamina in them at all.
Grace: Maybe they skipped the Saint. Schwarzenager Nun boot camp.
Karen: Uch he’s a saint now it’s bad enough he’s governor of that damn sunshine state!
Grace: Florida is the sunshine state not California.
Karen: No Florida’s America’s wang California is the sunshine state! Wait which one is California again...?In fact, (she looks around her) where am I?

Grace rolls her eyes. Will enters.

Will: You ready sweetie?
Grace: I think so, wish me luck.
Karen: Good luck honey, you go in there and you grab Leo by the Florida till you’re satisfied.
Will: I think it’s him that would be satisfied! Go on in Grace, I’ll be there in a minute.

Grace walks in to the arbitration room. Jack comes running in.

Will: Where have you been?
Jack: Eh duh TRL.
Will: You’re late because of TRL? You basically know the top ten off by heart! You’re a regular Carson Gayley!
Karen: Ooh good one honey, now do me.
Will: No thanks.
End scene.

Grace exits the arbitration room.

Karen: Well how did it go?
Grace: Where’s Jack?
Karen: The coffee machine didn’t give him his change back so he’s suing it for gay discrimination.
Grace: Oh.
Karen: So come on honey don’t keep me in suspense . How much did you get honey are you rich? Can you feel you’re greed expanding and you’re heart shrinking. Coz from now on honey it’s going to be me and you in New York’s finest clubs getting hammered or in the best hotels getting wasted or doing both at Robert Downy Jr.’s!
Grace: Is that all being rich entails?
Karen: Of course it is honey and I’m shocked and appalled that you’d imply I’ve lead you to believe otherwise. So come on, how much?
Grace: (Snapping a little) Nothing okay I got nothing. I signed a pre-nup without even knowing it. Leo’s lawyer advised it given that I was so doubtful about re-marrying after I found out the whole mass-wedding wasn’t legit. Leo apologised.
Karen: Well that should help him sleep tonight in his money bed! I’m going to go in there and give him a piece of my mind.
Grace: Please don’t, can we just go home.
Karen: Of course honey, you are lucky though at least you’ve still go your homo husband in public housing!
Grace: Thanks Karen.
End scene.

Will and Grace’s apartment, Will enters to find Grace about to go at her dress with a pair of scissors.

Will: (hysterically) Grace no! Whatever Leo did to you do not take it out on Vera Wang. What were you thinking?
Grace: I was thinking that maybe I should stop being so frivolous with my money and make the most of what I got. See I could cut this (holding up her wedding dress) into a nice summer dress and the veil...(she begins to cry hysterically in a comedic manner) it could add a little something to the tired jeans and t-shirt combo!
Will: Aw look at you I tell you if I had my way I’d give Leo what he deserves.
Grace: That’s what Karen wanted to do but I wouldn’t let her I’m glad she listened. God knows what she’d do.

Cut to:

Leo opens his door and Karen slaps him.
Karen: And that’s just to start!
Leo: What are you doing here?
Karen: I’ve come to tell you that you’re a coward and a fake and a cheat and unless you want me to spin your dradle so tight it’ll fall off you’ll right a cheque for Grace right now giving her what you think she’s owed. And I want you to apologise on this card (she hands him greeting card). It has a picture of a cheetah on the front I hope you get the irony! It’s a double whammy jab at you as well coz a cheetah never changes its spots.
Leo: That’s leopards.
Karen: (Laughs doubtfully) Yeah and I bet they come from Florida "the sunshine state".
Leo writes the cheque and then moves on to the greeting card.
Karen: And nothing too poetic I know how you Jews have a way with words just look at the magical poetry of Spaceballs!
Leo hands her card.
Leo: Do you think I could see her?
Karen: No honey she hasn’t been vaccinated yet. And if you do come anywhere near her...(she begins to sing as she exit’s the apartment)
Dradle, dradle dradle, I made you out of clay. Dradle, dradle dradle, (she makes a twisting motion with her hand) with your dradle I shall play.
End scene.

Will and Grace’s apartment. Karen enters.

Karen: Hey honey please don’t be mad but, I went to see Leo.
Grace: What?!
Karen: And I got you money and a card.
Grace: Oh great, Karen this is my divorce not my bot mitzvah!
Karen: No honey it’s a card from Leo apologising and money from Leo coz he an adultery committing skank.
Grace reads the card.
Grace: Aw.
Karen leans in and reads it.
Karen: He’s no Mel Brooks but it’ll do.
Grace: Thank you Karen.
Karen: But that’s not all honey.
She gets up and opens the door to reveal a tall Spanish man.
Karen: Hola! This is Jose he doesn’t speak a word of English but he won’t need to where you’re going!
End scene.
The end.

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