Plot: It’s a normal day for the Will & Grace gang until Karen gets some shocking news from an unexpected visitor. You will find it difficult to picture Karen in some of the emotional situations but try and force yourself and it works.
Author's Note: This is a full 25-minute episode in script form so try your best to imagine the situation. The notes in parentheses are stage directions and actions. Enjoy! And if you want to give me feedback or opinions email me at smartysarah@yahoo.com, I would really appreciate it.
Disclaimer:Will & Grace, the characters Will Truman, Grace Adler, Karen Walker and Jack McFarland are the property of NBC and KoMut Productions. The character of Kristin Lang, the dialogue, episode title, and the plot are all original and mine though.
Opening Sequence: Will and Grace's Apartment
(Will is sitting at the table having breakfast and Grace comes out wearing obviously mismatched clothing and a ridiculous looking hat.)
Grace: Well...how do I look?
Will: Well that depends, if you were supposed to do Karen a nice favor today, that outfit certainly covers it.
Grace: Come on Will this is not funny, I've been through everything in my closet and I can't find anything to wear for my photo shoot today. I have to look conservative but yet feminine, soft, hip, brash and sassy. So that's why I came to you.
Will: O.K., you should just stay simple, not let too much attention go to one area (looking up at her head)
Grace: What are you staring at?
Will: Nothing, I wasn't staring at you.
Grace: Oh yes you were. You were giving me "The Glance".
Will: I was not, and what's "The Glance"?
Grace: Oh I don't know, that look people give you when you have lipstick on your teeth, or toilet paper on your shoe, or a really bad perm and (beginning to sob) the next day Danny Jacobson calls and tells you he has mono and he can't go with you to the prom...(Realizing she has made a fool of herself), so anyway back to my most recent problem, Will what am I going to wear??
Will: Well for starters get rid of that hat, it looks like something someone bought from Sonny Bono's garage sale, only somebody with no sense of reality whatsoever would wear that ridiculous thing.
(Jack storms in, like he usually does)
Jack: There's my hat, I've been looking all over for it (grabs the hat off of Grace's head)
Will: I rest my case.
Jack: Will, I need your help. Look what I got today (hands will a piece of paper)
Will: (Will reads it) An application to sell sperm on the Internet?
Jack: Oops, wrong paper (reaches into his back pocket and gives him another piece of paper)
Will: It looks like a subpoena Jack. What did you do?
Jack: I don't know what this world is coming to; all I did was wave to this guy on the street while I was hiding behind a bush spying on this guy I went out with last week while he was taking a shower!
(Will and Grace both look at each other in amazement)
Will: Jack, did it ever occur to you that you might have gotten this for spying on that guy, stalking is a serious offense these days.
Jack: Well I wish you had told me about this, you know I depend on you for legal counsel.
Will: (SHOCKED) You've never depended on me for legal counsel!
Jack: Well I am now, please Will I need you to defend me. Please, be my attorney.
Will: Oh no, absolutely not. I can just see the headlines now "Will Truman defends gay peeping Tom". I'll have Ellen DeGeneres knocking down my door.
Jack: Come on Will, do you know how hard it is to find an attorney in this city.
(Grace laughs)
Grace: Jack this is Manhattan; you can't change your address without an attorney. Not being able to find an attorney in New York is like not being able to find Barbara Striesand in a gay man's CD rack.
Jack: (seriously) Well Grace, it just so happens that I am comfortable with Will as my legal representative. I believe in him, and I'm not ashamed to say that he is a damn good lawyer.
Grace: (mumbling under her breath) Or you want one that will work for free.
(Jack coughs and stomps on her foot)
Grace: OWW!
Will: Well thank you Jack, you know I'm sorry about the way I reacted before. I'd be glad to represent you. (Pats Jack on the back)
Jack: Thanks Will
Grace: Well Jack since you're here, what do you think of my outfit for my shoot today?
Jack: Who is shooting you?
Grace: The New York Times
Jack: (looking at her outfit) Well what are they shooting "Designers and the clothes that hate them".
Grace: (angrily) You know what, you two are going to be sorry when after this my career takes off and everyone is going to want to be my friend. Then you will be sorry that you insulted my clothing.
(Grace heads out the door and then slams it. Seconds later she comes back in)
Grace: My god I can't wear this hideous thing!
FADE TO BLACK
Scene One
Grace Adler Designs - She is getting ready for the NY Times photographer in front of the mirror and rearranging her desk. She sits down and decides to start rehearsing what she will say when they get there.
Grace: (talking to herself, in a sophisticated accent) Welcome to my studio, over here is my design area. It's where I was inspired for my many beautiful creations...what's that? Oh thank you so much, yes my work is lovely...
(Grace continues to talk to herself and Karen walks in but Grace doesn't notice her)
Karen: Oh honey, it's finally come to this hasn't it? You've created an imaginary boyfriend. You know don't feel bad I used to do that all the time. (Trying to keep a straight face, but then bursts into laughter)
Grace: No, Karen I'm practicing for the interview today. When they get here I want to be prepared.
Karen: Honey, don't fight it, your plain, boring, and as interesting as an insurance salesman. Just go with the flow.
Grace: (sarcastically) Oh Karen you have no idea how much your support means to me.
Karen: Anytime.
Grace: What about the blouse, does it make my breasts look smaller or bigger?
Karen: Honey it's that blouse doesn't make your breasts look small...your BREASTS make your breasts look small. HAHAHA! (She calms down) What time are those people supposed to get here anyway?
Grace: The reporter is coming at 9 a.m. and the photographer is coming at 11.
Karen: And what time is it now?
Grace: 8:30
Karen: Oh then I better get ready
(Karen reaches into her purse and pulls out a bottle of Vodka)
Grace: Uh, Karen don't you think that it's a little early for Vodka?
Karen: You know what honey you're right.
(She puts the bottle back in her purse and pulls out a bottle of gin)
Karen: This is much better
Grace: (smiling) Yea right
Karen: So is there anything that you need me to do before they get here?
(Grace looks up from her desk, her eyes bulged in amazement that Karen actually asked if she could help! She begins to creep slowly over to Karen's desk.)
Grace: What did you say?
Karen: What honey, what did I say?
(Grace starts to move closer to her)
Grace: (smiling with delight and cleaning out her ear with her finger) I just could have sworn I heard you ask me if I needed help with anything.
(Grace starts to giggle a little)
Karen: (seriously) Well Grace I am your assistant aren't I?
Grace: Well yes but...yes you ARE my assistant! Actually Karen I could use your help with arranging the new prints for the...
Karen: (standing up and walking towards the elevator) Oh sorry honey no time, I have to make it down to Chanel before all those obnoxious, snobby rich women that have no jobs get there. (Calling to Grace from the elevator) See you at 11!
Grace: Well it was nice while it lasted (looking at her watch) for a whole 23 seconds.
(Just as Karen goes down the elevator, a smooth, tall, attractive brunette with blonde highlights named Kristin walks in. She looks in her mid-twenties and she is dressed very trendy with tight pants, high heels, and boots. She looks like a model)
Kristin: Hi, are you (looking on the front of the door) Grace Adler?
Grace: (thinking that she is from the New York Times) Oh yes, yes I am Grace Adler! Hi.
Kristin: Hi, I'm Kristin Lang.
Grace: Nice to meet you. I had no idea you would be here early.
(They shake hands)
Grace: So, where should we begin?
Kristin: (puzzled) Excuse me?
Grace: (enthusiastically) Don't you want to get on with the interview?
Kristin: What interview?
Grace: (realizing she made a mistake) Oh I'm sorry, I'm expecting a reporter from the New York Times and I thought that was who you were. You do look familiar though.
Kristin: (smiling) No, actually I'm the fashion editor for Vogue magazine. And I used to model for Vogue a few years back.
Grace: (amazed) Oh wow, I thought you looked familiar. I read Vogue all the time...(worried, she starts spilling) wait a minute if this is about my subscription my assistant was supposed to renew it 3 years ago and it was her idea and...
Kristin: No, no it has nothing to with that, (thinking for a second) but that is good to know. Actually I'm looking for (looks at a piece of paper) Karen Delaney-St. Croix-Popeil-Walker.
Grace: (confused by all the names) Umm, now she just goes by Walker.
Kristin: Oh, is she here?
Grace: Actually no she isn't, she won't be back for a couple of hours.
Kristin: (disappointed) Oh, well then I'm sorry to have bothered you. (She has a really sad look on her face and heads for the door. Grace notices that she is troubled and follows her so she won't leave.)
Grace: Well is there anything I can help you with? What is this all about what do you need Karen for?
Kristin: It's kind of personal, but you might as well know. (Takes a deep breath) Karen Walker is my mother. (Grace is overwhelmed with shock. There's about 5 seconds of silence.)
Grace: What! Karen doesn't have any children. Why has she never mentioned you?
Kristin: Well probably because she has never seen me.
Grace: (looks her up and down) How could she miss you?
Kristin: Well it's not that simple, you see, my father died 5 years ago and after my mother passed away last month I've had the responsibility of handling their estate. I always thought that biologically they were my parents but as I was going through their papers I came across adoption papers from 1975, and there, listed as my biological mother was Karen Delaney. Then I had a detective trace the name to Karen Dela...(decides not to say the whole name) Walker and found that she was living here in New York.
Grace: (astonished) Ohh Boy...Are you positive that you have the right person?
Kristin: Oh yes I checked everything very carefully; I have the papers right here. (She hands Grace the papers) Besides, there aren't too many Karen Delaney-St. Croix-Popeil-Walker's running around these days. (Grace is looking at the papers and obviously can't believe what she's hearing)
Kristin: Are you all right?
Grace: (still shocked) Ohh Boy...
Kristin: Apparently she gave me up for adoption when she was 17. So I came here today to meet her, what is she like?
Grace: (afraid to tell her what she is really like) Well...Karen is...she's umm...well she's...oh boy...!
Kristin: Look, I'm sorry I brought you into this. I just really wanted to meet her and maybe get to know her. Ever since I lost both my parents I've just been so empty. This is something I just needed to do.
Grace: Oh don't worry about it Kristin. This is a really brave thing you're doing. I still have trouble at Hanukah going back to my mother's for a 20-minute dissertation on my bad taste in clothes, men, and career choices, and then 7 more times after that. I suppose that is her gift to me. But I can't imagine what this would be like.
Kristin: Thank you. What time did you say she would be back?
Grace: Well I have that interview with the New York Times at 9 and a photographer is coming at 11, so she should be back by then. You know I was thinking, maybe I should prepare her a little bit, you know Karen doesn't really like to be surprised. Trust me, I know from experience. (Holding her butt) If you want to step in the back I'll show you.
Kristin: Uh no, thanks, I'll just do a silent scream from here. Well you know her better than me, and that goes without saying, so when you see her why don't you tell her that I stopped by and that I will come back later on.
Grace: I will and it was nice to meet you. It's kind of a relief to know that Karen could reproduce something...in human form.
Kristin: Thanks Grace, it was nice to meet you too. I'll see you later. (Kristin walks out and Grace slumps down in Karen's desk chair for a few seconds)
Grace: Oh Boy...
FADE TO BLACK
Scene 2
Will's Office - Jack and Will are in a conference room going over Jacks testimony
(Will is reading through Jack's papers and Jack is looking out the window of the conference room at guys walking by)
Will: Well Jack his complaint is pretty substandard and we might have to take an offer by the plaintiff...
(Will notices that Jack is not paying attention)
Will: Jack. Jack! Are you even listening to me?
Jack: Will I have been listening to every word that you've been saying and I feel that...ooh strike a pose!
(Jack notices a cute guy walking buy and jumps too his feet in front of the window)
Will: Come on Jack we have to focus here, Robert and his attorney will be here any minute and you have to be prepared for questioning before the deposition.
Jack: All right, all right Will ask me some of the questions.
Will: How long have you known the plaintiff?
Jack: 3 weeks
Will: So, what exactly were you doing outside of his apartment on the day in question?
Jack: The explanation is very simple; I was gathering background information for my upcoming production of my new and improved one-man show "Jack 2002"
(Jack falls to his knees and does his "Jack 2001" stance and does a 10 second dance that follows. Will looks at Jack and then the papers)
Will: Well, hopefully insanity is a bargain that they might be offering.
Jack: I'm going to go to the bathroom, try to solve my case before I get back.
(Jack exits and seconds later Robert's attorney knocks on the conference room window and Will gets up to answer the door) Attorney: Hello, I'm the attorney for the plaintiff, are you the defense attorney?
Will: (shaking his hand) Yes, I'm Will Truman. Should we get started? Attorney: No, that won't be necessary I just came here to say that my client has dropped the charges against Mr. McFarland.
Will: (amazed) That's fantastic! Did he say why? Attorney: No but I could ask him (reaches for his cell phone)
Will: (realizing that he should just be happy) Oh no, that won't be necessary.
(In the background through the window Jack and Robert are hugging and skipping. Obviously that's why he dropped the charges. The attorney leaves and Jack leaves Robert and comes into the conference room.)
Jack: Did you hear the news Will?
Will: Yes I did Jack. Why on earth did he drop the charges?
Jack: Who knows, maybe there was something else that he wanted to...(Jack turns around and puts his butt right in front of Will) detain.
Will: (sarcastically) You really are a tramp aren't you Jack.
Jack: Come on Will, in honor of our victory I'm going to take you out to lunch.
Will: I'm not paying this time Jack.
Jack: (sounding offended) Will! What do you take me for I wouldn't dream of doing that to you! We'll go over to Grace's and have Karen take us.
(Will gets his coat and Jack and him walk out)
FADE TO BLACK
Scene 3
Grace Adler Designs - Grace is done with her interview with the reporter from the Times and the photographer is there; Karen is late as usual
Photographer: Ms. Adler we are on a tight schedule, we have to be back at the office by lunch.
Grace: (pacing) Where the hell is Karen? Maybe she got caught in traffic, oh what the hell am I saying odds 2 to1 she stopped at a gin mill.
(Grace realizes that she is talking out loud in front of the reporter and tries to make what she said look better)
Grace: Normally, my assistant is always punctual and hardly ever drinks on the job
(Karen staggers in with a martini in her hand that she hasn't finished yet)
Karen: All right honey I'm here lets get this over with so I can get home I've had a long day!
Grace: Karen it's 11:30 in the morning how could you have had a long day?
Karen: Well I haven't been to bed yet, give me a break ok! Stan kept me up all night playing hide the prime rib. That's a piece of meat I didn't want to find.
Photographer: Are we ready ladies?
Karen: I'm ready boys, hit me with your best shot. And then take the picture! (Karen laughs obnoxiously)
(They take the picture and then Grace remembers that she has to tell Karen about Kristin before she gets there so she tries to get her attention)
Photographer: Thank you ladies
(The photographer exits)
Grace: Karen wait there's something that I have to tell you. Something happened while you were gone; it's a little bit shocking, here maybe you should sit down. A girl named Kristin came in this morning and we got to talking and...
Karen: Oh honey, don't worry about it I know.
Grace: You know...wait a minute how?
Karen: Grace it was bound to happen sometime, it was only a matter of time I just tried to ignore it as much as I could.
Grace: (shocked she would react that way) What! You've known about this and you haven't done anything about it! How could you be so heartless?
Karen: Well honey who am I to judge, you're over 30, no husband, you've got the bust of an 8 year old, and your hair looks like an order of curly fries. You were a Lillith fair concert away from swinging the other way!
(Obviously Karen thinks Grace is a lesbian and Grace is trying to tell her about Kristin)
Karen: Don't worry though honey I still accept you for who you are.
Grace: (rolling her eyes) No Karen I am not gay.
(The phone rings in the back and Grace gets up to get it)
Grace: Hold on I will be right back.
(As Grace goes in the back Kristin walks through the door and notices Karen sitting there. Karen notices how pretty she is and thinks that this is Grace's "lover" and greets her)
Kristin: Hello, is Grace Adler here?
Karen: Oh she's in the back. You must be Kristin.
(Kristin smiles because Karen looks happy to meet her)
Kristin: Yes I'm Kristin, and you must be Karen, it's really nice to meet you. So I take it that Grace told you about me?
(Karen sits down at he desk and Kristin pulls a chair next to it and sits down)
Karen: Oh yes, she explained your little (Karen puts her hands up and makes quotations with her fingers) "meeting". But I must say you look a little young honey how old are you?
Kristin: I'm 27. So, what are your feelings about this are you ok with it?
Karen: Oh honey don't worry about it, I'm just glad that it's finally happened after all this time, in some form or another.
Kristin: Wow! That is so refreshing to hear, I thought that you would be really uncomfortable and not want anything to do with me.
Karen: Oh no not at all. Well I'll say one thing for Grace, she did great on her first try, you're one good-looking kid.
Kristin: Excuse me?
Karen: Honey let's just say if I weren't straight I'd be all over you like gin to the tonic!
Kristin: (confused) What on earth are you talking about?
(Grace enters)
Grace: Oh, Kristin you're here.
Kristin: You didn't tell her did you?
Grace: Well I tried to but as you can see it's not an easy task. It's like talking to Jerry Springer.
Karen: Oh come on girls, I've had worse news than this. I had a roommate in college; and let me tell you, getting dressed in the morning was a lot less fun after that.
Grace: Karen please...
(Kristin's cellular phone rings)
Kristin: Oh would you excuse me...(answers the phone) Hello, well what time is the flight?
(Grace approaches Karen)
Grace: Look Karen this is really important. Tell me, do you remember doing anything crucially important 27 years ago?
Karen: Uhhh...Grace I can't remember doing anything important 27 minutes ago much less 27 years ago.
Grace: Ok let me put it to you another way. Kristin is...she's umm...well she's the reason that you gained 30 pounds in 1975.
Karen: (thinking) She's a dope dealer?
Grace: No Karen! Perhaps it just slipped your Bloody Mary soaked mind that you had a child that you gave up for adoption!
Karen: You mean she's....that's...
(Kristin hangs up her phone)
Kristin: So, where were we?
(Karen looks at Kristin and faints and her head falls to the desk)
FADE TO BLACK
Scene 4
Grace Adler Designs--Karen has just fainted and Grace and Kristin are trying to revive her.
Kristin: What happened to her?
Grace: Well once I explained to her who you were, she lost consciousness. Wait a minute; I have an idea.
(Grace reaches into Karen's purse and pulls out a huge stack of money and fans it in front of her nose and Karen opens her eyes)
Karen: (still dizzy) Oh, Grace I had the most awful dream that some girl came in here and said that I was her mother, (sounds disgusted) and she wanted to bond with me and...(looks up and sees Kristin next to Grace) oh no you're still here!
Grace: KAREN!
Kristin: It's all right Grace, we could have broke the news to her in a different way.
Karen: You got that right...(shouts) you couldn't have broken it to me at all!
Kristin: (sitting down next to Karen enthusiastically) I'm so sorry, there's just so much I want to know about you. What do you like to do, where are you from, do I have any other relatives?
(Jacks walks in and scopes out the situation)
Jack: Hey Karen, guess what I...(notices Kristin) what a minx, hey I'm Jack.
Kristin: Hi, I'm Kristin
Karen: (worriedly) Yes this is Jack, my...my son.
(Both Grace and Jack look at each other)
Kristin: Your son? You mean I have a brother?
Karen: (making it up as she goes along) Oh yes, his father was a chorus dancer in Vegas.
Grace: Oh yes, for Jack that explains the tight pants and the need to skip at every beat.
Jack: (confused by the whole situation) Wait a second, if I'm your brother then that would make you my...
Karen: (pretending to be motherly) Uh Jacky, let me talk to you a minute...umm, its about the cats at home. (Karen takes Jack outside the office)
Jack: Karen what is going on here?
Karen: Jack...I haven't told you much about my past have I?
Jack: Well not really, but you did tell me about that time you went out with Jack Nicholson. (Jokingly) OH MY GOD is he my father!
Karen: No Jack! I got pregnant 27 years ago and I gave the baby up for adoption and that is the baby; except she isn't a baby anymore.
Jack: Oh Kare, I'm so sorry, well what can I do?
Karen: Just pretend to be my son until she leaves. If I can pull this off and make her think I've got responsibilities maybe she will leave me alone.
Jack: Ok but can I still grab your hooters?
Karen: Jack if I'm your mom we can't do anything inappropriate until she leaves...(Jack and her look at each other)...well only when she's not looking. And ask her questions about stuff and pretend like you are interested.
(Karen and Jack come back in)
Karen: Well, the kittens are fine, I just wanted to make sure Jacky gave them their milk this morning.
Jack: (sitting on Karen's desk) Oh mom is such a worrier! So, Kristin what do you do, I could swear I've seen you some place before?
Kristin: Well I'm the fashion editor for Vogue magazine. But I also modeled for the magazine a few years ago.
Jack: Well that is impressive!
Kristin: (talking to Karen) I can't tell you how difficult it was to find you.
Karen: (trying to act interested) Yeah it took me probably about a dozen phone calls.
Grace: So how did you finally find her?
Kristin: Through Betty Ford. You must have done a lot of volunteer work there or something.
Grace: (sarcastically) Or something
Karen: Well enough about that.
(Karen is thinking of a way to get rid of Kristin so she won't have to deal with her, so she stands up and pretends like there's an emergency with Jack)
Karen: Jacky honey, isn't it time we go visit your grandma in the hospital?
Jack: You mean the goiter? (Realizing Karen is making it up) Oh yes, yes we have to go do that right now.
(Karen and Jack are getting up to go out the door when Will enters)
Will: Jack what the hell are you doing up here I've been waiting for you and Karen in the car for the last...(notices Kristin) Oh, hello I'm Will.
Kristin: Hi, I'm Kristin
Karen: (gets up and hugs Will) Hi Sweetheart!
(Will has a disgusted look on his face; he can't believe what Karen just said)
Will: Sweetheart?? Karen what are you...
Jack: Uhh...Dad...I have to ask you something in private. It's about...you know...
(Jack hurls Will outside)
Will: Jack what the hell is going on? Who is that girl and why is Karen calling me...dare I repeat it...(disgusted) Sweetheart?
Jack: Will, that's Karen's daughter!
Will: That can't be Karen's daughter...she's a human being!
Jack: No Will this is serious, Karen had a baby 27 years ago but she gave it up for adoption and now she tracked Karen down and wants to meet her!
Will: (appearing concerned) Oh, Oh, all right now I understand.
Jack: Oh Good.
Will: (screaming) Why the hell is Karen pretending to be my wife!!
(Karen comes outside)
Karen: Will, I'm sorry I just need you to pretend to be my hubby and Jack's father until she leaves to go to London tonight.
Will: Karen, as a gay man, I would rather ACTUALLY marry a woman then even PRETEND to be married to you!!
Karen: Please Will. Just do this for me and I'll do anything, I'll give you my most prized possession.
Will: No thanks Karen; I already have a bottle of 80-proof Jack Daniel's at home. Why don't you just tell her the truth, instead of carrying on with this ridiculous charade?
Karen: Please I just need a diversion to get her out of here. Please Will.
Will: All right, all right let's just get this over with.
(Will, Karen, and Jack come back in)
Karen: We were just discussing grandma's condition.
Kristin: So you are Karen's husband the Vegas chorus dancer.
Will: (throws Karen a dirty look) Yeah, I'm just getting ready for Halloween in this suit and tie. My sequin jacket and feather pants are at the tailors.
Kristin: You look a little young to be Jack's father though.
Will: Well, being married to Karen always makes me feel light years younger.
(Karen smacks him)
Kristin: No really, have you ever considered modeling?
Will: (happily) Well yes, yes I have. You know you aren't the first person to say that to me.
Grace: Oh yes, I'm sure the cashier at 7-11 would have a big impact on that resume.
(Looks at Grace upset)
Kristin: No seriously, I could run you in the new male models spread of Vogue and ...
Karen: Ok, Ok, I think we have gotten a little off track here. We have to get down to the hospital and visit Will's mother. So honey I guess we will have to do this later.
Kristin: But I have so much more to ask you.
(Karen gets out her check book and starts writing a check)
Karen: Well here honey this should cover it. (Hands Kristin the check)
Kristin: No, I meant that I could go with you guys to the hospital, I have my car right outside.
Karen: No Honey it's all right.
Kristin: (sad) But I have to leave for London tonight.
Karen: (relieved, but pretending to be sad) Oh darn it! Just drop me a postcard when your kids graduate high school, (under her breath) with any luck by then I'll be dead.
Kristin: Ok, well let me at least get my business card for you, it's in my car. I'll be right back.
(Kristin exits)
(Karen runs to the refrigerator and takes out a full bottle of vodka and just starts chugging)
Karen: AHHHH!
Grace: Have you all just completely lost your minds!!!
Will: Me?? Ask "Mommie Dearest" over there why the hell we are doing this.
(They are all arguing)
Jack: Well Kare, her back is turned can I cop a feel?
Karen: Sure honey.
(Kristin walks in as Jack is groping Karen)
Kristin: What is going on here? Why are you touching her like that?
Jack: (can't think of anything) Umm, she likes it, makes her feel like a young chick.
Karen: I'm not getting any younger honey.
Kristin: What the hell is going on?
Grace: Karen, tell her now!
(Karen slumps down in a chair)
Karen: Oh all right! Jack is not my son.
Will: And I am definitely not her husband!
Jack: No actually we are both gay.
Kristin: Well that would explain the good fashion sense. So this whole thing was just one big joke?
Karen: Yeah HAHAHA! (Karen realizes that nobody is laughing and calms down really quick)
Kristin: Well I'm glad that I could be the source of your entertainment this afternoon.
Karen: Honey that's not what I meant.
Kristin: Oh don't worry I know what you meant. You needed a reason to get out of here so you wouldn't have to talk to me and you just hoped I would magically disappear.
Will: You know for Karen's DNA she is pretty sharp.
(Karen is pouring herself another drink and ignoring Kristin)
Kristin: I don't know what on earth made me think that you could be honest with me. I really was hoping that we could be friends, but it crystal clear to me now that you don't want to have anything to do with me.
(Karen continues to ignore Kristin and stares at her desk with her drink in her hand. About 5 seconds go by and Karen is still not responding. Will, Grace, and Jack are just staring at the 2 of them.)
Kristin: (waiting for a response) Well I guess that's it then. Will, Grace, Jack...it's been memorable. (She slams the door)
(Will, Grace, and Jack are all staring at Karen and Karen is still drinking)
Jack: (approaches Karen) Kare, I'm really sorry about all this.
Karen: (blown away but tries to act like it doesn't bother her) Oh honey I'm fine! Hey I wanted her to leave right, and now she's gone. So let's go to lunch!
Grace: (starts yelling) Karen-Delaney-St. Croix-Popeil-Walker, get back here!
(Karen turns around with a scared look on her face)
Grace: I cannot believe what you just did.
Karen: Your right Grace...I should have said that Jack was my husband then we wouldn't have gotten caught. (She slaps Jack on the shoulder)
Grace: That's not what I'm talking about and you know it. Do you even realize what a brave thing that girl just did? She came to you in need and what did you do, you don't even have the decency to be honest with her. You lied to her and you treated her like crap.
Karen: Well honey I gave her the check too.
Grace: KAREN! Now listen to me, for as long as I've known you, you have never taken anything seriously. Your life, your job, your marriage...god what do you do all day? Anyhow, this isn't Stan or me; this is your child. I know you didn't raise her but do you realize what a wonderful opportunity you have been given. You can always get a new job or a new husband, never a new child. You really have a chance to reach out to her; so many people never get that chance.
(As Grace is telling her this Karen realizes that she is right and knows that she has to do something about it)
Karen: (loudly) So what am I supposed to do, get in my limo, go down to the airport and stop her from getting on that plane!
Grace: YES!
Karen: Good cuz I wasn't sure.
(Grace gives her a stern look)
Karen: Ok let's go. Poodle hand me my purse.
(Jack hands Karen her purse and she takes out three cigarettes and put them in her mouth and lights them all at once and starts smoking them.)
Karen: Better get started now.
FADE TO BLACK
Scene 6--New York La Guardia Airport-about 2 hours later
(Karen and Grace see Kristin getting her ticket from the counter; Karen starts walking but then she turns around and runs to Grace)
Karen: Oh Grace I can't do this.
Grace: Yes you can Karen just talk to her.
(Karen approaches her)
Karen: Kristin, honey wait!
(Kristin turns around and sees Karen)
Kristin: Oh it's you. Did you come here to tell me that I have a transsexual twin sister that happens to be one of the stewardesses on my flight?
Karen: No, here honey, sit down
Kristin: All right. Make it quick I have to make it to my gate.
Karen: Just, please let me talk to you for a minute.
(They both sit down with two seats in between them)
Karen: I'm sorry that I lied to you. I didn't intend to, it's just that when you showed up wanting to know things about me and my life, I found that I didn't have much to tell you. I haven't really led a good life. I've never had a meaningful relationship with a man, your father was just a guy that I met at a disco one night and things got out of hand. I was thinking of the alternatives but all I knew was that I could never give you the life that you needed. I've never earned anything on my own and I've never done anything important. Then you show up; this pretty, successful and sweet girl with, obviously, a wonderful family that I gave up years ago. And all I can think of is what does she want to meet me for? What on earth do I have to give her? What do I say to her? I guess that's why I lost it and started making up all those things.
(Kristin moves closer to Karen)
Kristin: You want to know what I think?
(Karen looks at her deeply)
Kristin: True, I am successful, talented, I have wonderful family and friends; but I wouldn't have all of that today if it weren't for you. Don't you see; you gave me my life and a chance to be someone special. I don't know what I would have done if I got pregnant when I was that age, but you got through it. That is why I wanted to meet you. I didn't come here to get anything from you or to ask you to be something that you aren't. I just wanted to meet the woman that brought me into this world. My parents were wonderful and I loved them, but you made me a person; you allowed me to have that wonderful life that so many kids don't get a chance to have (Pause) and that is pretty important.(Pauses and puts her hand on Karen's) So don't say that you never did anything meaningful in your life.
Karen: I'm glad that I could give that to you.
Kristin: Which reminds me(reaches into her purse) here's that check you gave me.
Karen: Oh! I'm sorry about that.
Kristin: (smiling) Well I was so mad that I was almost tempted to cash it.
Karen: Well honey I do want to at least give you something.
Kristin:(looks at Karen) You already have, and I'm very thankful for that.
(The intercom comes on and an attendant starts talking)
Intercom: Flight 367 to London, England is now boarding.
(Kristin gets up)
Kristin: Well, that's me. I better get going.
Karen: Honey, I know we messed up the first time but do you think that you could maybe stay just one more day?
Kristin: I have a really important meeting tomorrow. I have to go.
Karen: Oh.
Kristin: Yes, my mission in life is to tell people how to dress. Speaking of which, your friend Grace is sweet but her clothes...
Karen: Oh honey don't even say it. THAT is my mission in life!
(Both Karen and Kristin laugh)
Kristin: Well, goodbye.
Karen: (slowly) Bye.
(Kristin turns back around)
Kristin: Hey, maybe next time I'm in New York I'll give you a call.
Karen: Yeah honey sure.
Kristin: Thanks...bye.
(Karen waves and then Kristin turns back and gives Karen a hug. Karen is a little shaken by this but still puts her arms out.)
Karen: Oh!
Kristin: (whispering) Thank you.
(Kristin walks away and Karen watches her go up the escalator to her gate. When she is out of sight Karen goes and sits into a chair and Grace approaches her.)
Grace: (sympathetically puts her hand on Karen's shoulder) Karen.
(Karen is rubbing her eyes)
Karen: Yeah honey.
Grace: That was a beautiful thing that you just did.
Karen: Oh come on Grace do you really think that I meant all that stuff I just said to her? Wait a minute... what is this salty stuff that's coming out of my eyes, oh hell it's probably margarita mix.
Grace: Come on Karen, you meant every word of it admit it.
Karen: No! It was just for her.
Grace: Say what you want Karen, but I know deep down inside you...(thinks about it)...deep, deep, DEEEEP down inside you there is a loving heart.
Karen: You want to be loving, go get me a scotch from the limo.
(Grace knows she is lying but she just lets it go)
Grace: All right Karen let's go.
(Karen gets up and they both head out the door)
Grace: You know Karen I just had a thought.
Karen: What's that honey.
Grace: You had her when you were 17, right?
Karen: Yeah.
Grace: And so if you had her at 17 and she is 27, then that would make you...
(Karen puts her index finger over Graces mouth and pulls a bunch of money out of her purse)
Karen:(sinisterly) You repeat what I said to her or what you were just about to say to anyone and I'll kill you, you got that!
(Grace nods her head and takes the money)
(They both walk out the airport doors)
FADE TO BLACK
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