Plot: Karen enlists Jack's help when Stan tells her to take one of her relatives to a family get-together.
Disclaimer: I don't own Will & Grace, I just love it, so please don't sue.
SCENE I: Grace Adler Designs
(Karen is sitting at her desk painting her nails. Jack enters)
KAREN: Hi poodle, who's my daddy?
JACK: I am.
KAREN: Honey, I can’t decide what to do, every year Stan's family comes over for a little get together, you know, the usual kind of reunions; hair pulling, name calling, tiny pinches and drunk belly dancing on the coffee tables. And well... this year Stan said he'd take away my gold card if I didn’t invite at least one of my relatives this year.
JACK: Oh no Kare, that's terrible.
KAREN: I know, how dare he try to take away his hard earned money from me!
JACK: No, I mean, I know that you don’t get along with any of your relatives, what are you going to do?
KAREN: Well honey, that's where you come in.
JACK: What? Do you want me to play the macho, tobacco chewing, irritatingly loud, alcohol-abusing brother or the deaf and dumb, inverted cousin with a lazy eye and a limp? Because don't get me wrong, I'm totally down with that.
KAREN: Well actually, I was kind of thinking of something else.
JACK: What?
KAREN: I told Stan I'd invite my sister.
JACK: What?! Karen you can’t just ask me to put on a wig of luscious curls, smear on some burgundy moisturising lipstick, and wear a short dress like that, even though I do have the womanishly figure and the perfect hair that would go with my black mini.
KAREN: I'll let you borrow my new black Prada's.
JACK: What time?
KAREN: 8-ish fine.
(Jack leaves, and Karen continues to paint her nails)
SCENE II: Will's apartment
Will and Grace are in their pyjamas eating cereal the table, Jack storms in, a towel wrapped around his head and around his chest and down, wearing a face mask and is blowing on his wet nails.)
WILL: Who the hell are you?!
JACK: I need to borrow your red nail polish I'm all out.
GRACE: Sorry I don't have any left.
JACK: I know that, why do you think I'm all out, I'm talking to Will.
WILL (hesitantly): In my room.
(Jack sprints off)
GRACE: Wow, our little girl has grown up into a fully-grown sissy.
WILL: I'll drink to that (Will and Grace clink their cereal bowls together and drink up.)
SCENE II: Karen's Penthouse
(Karen is sitting on the bed)
KAREN: Hurry up Jackie, come out of there already! You've been going through my closet for 4 hours!
JACK: (from the closet) Karen! Don't rush me! You just made me smudge my mascara!
KAREN: Come out of the closet now! For the second time anyway!
JACK: Ok! Ok!
(Jack reluctantly steps out of the closet. He is wearing high heels, a blonde curly wig, a sequined boob tube and red mini skirt with black stockings. His makeup is over exaggerated and he pouts and fluttering his false eyelashes at Karen.)
KAREN: No no no no no no no, uh uh! I told Stan I'd be taking my sister, not Britney Spears!
JACK: Hey listen lady, I happen to think I did a good job. Do you know how long it took me to get into this thong!
KAREN: Yeah tell me about it (Karen grabs at the back of her skirt) Oh well. I guess that’ll have to do, come on, let's go dress me up now. I wanna go as the naughty Olsen twins. Let's scare Stan's mother to death. God knows she's not that far off. That woman's running on cream cheese and 5 bottles of gin a day. What an addict! (Rolls up her pants on one leg and pulls out a bottle she has strapped around her ankle, and takes a big gulp)
JACK: Some people have no self-dignity (Pulls up his fake boobs and walks back into the closet where Karen then follows drinking out of the bottle)
SCENE III: The Walker's lounge room
(Two women are sitting on the couch; they are drinking wine, wearing lots of jewellery and sitting poshly.)
CLARIS: Amanda, did you hear about Karen bringing her sister?
AMANDA: Oh my god, Claris I can't wait to check her out.
(Claris looks at her in distaste)
AMANDA: I mean in the friendly way!
CLARIS: If she's anything like Karen, I think we'd better watch out for our husbands.
AMANDA: Yes, I think we should.
(The women are still sipping wine, and from behind a door opens and Jack and Karen step out. Jack is wearing his outfit now complete with glitter, and a tattoo on his arm that reads 'Older men are sexy.' Karen is wearing dark makeup, with morsels of coloured hair extensions, and a black leather outfit. The two women suddenly turn around and see them.)
CLARIS: Karen?
KAREN: Clar-ass and A-man’s-ass, this is my sister.
JACK: (talking in a high pitched school girl voice tone) Yeah, uh... likehello, I'm uh... Amy!
AMANDA: Amy Delany?
JACK: No, I'm a married woman now, it's Amy Delany Laney.
KAREN: Isn't she a cutie. She's a finalist in Miss Universe for the second time.
JACK: (modestly) Oh Sis! ...Third time!
KAREN: Oh!
(They laugh)
CLARIS: I see, so Amy, have you met the family yet?
JACK: Like no, I haven't, like, had the chance to, like, have the like, chance, like you know?
AMANDA: We do?
(Some men walk by and Jack catches the eye of one of them)
JACK: (his tone fading) Glad we got that sorted out, I'll see your asses later. Bye sis. (They touch boobs and Jack runs off in the direction of the men.)
KAREN: (laughs) She gets a cold now and then, sounds like a gay man now and then, you know? (Laughs)
(Amanda and Claris look at each other and then mutually drain their glasses of wine.)
SCENE IV: Will's apartment
(The next morning, Will and Grace are again at the table in their pyjamas eating cereal. Jack and Karen walk in, still in their costumes, with their arms around each other laughing hysterically.)
JACK: And did you see your mother in law's reaction when I started groping Alberto?
KAREN: What about how we started making out when Claris asked how close sisters we were?
JACK: And when I nearly got caught out when my wig fell off when I was doing the Macarena on the cocktail table, thank God it was before you had passed out in the penthouse because your mother in law drugged your drink, or I would never had been able to get it back on!
GRACE (to Will): We have got to get out more.
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