| Activity |
Calories Burned |
| Consent |
| With partner's consent |
12 |
| Without partner's consent |
187 |
| Unhooking Bra |
| Using two calm hands |
7 |
| Using One Shaking Hand |
36 |
| Getting Into Bed |
| Lifting Partner |
15 |
| Dragging Partner Along the Floor |
16 |
| Using Skateboard |
3 |
| Achieving Erections |
| For a normal healthy man |
2.5 |
| Losing Erection |
14 |
| Searching for It |
115 |
| Putting on Condom |
| With an Erection |
1.5 |
| Without an Erection |
300 |
| Inserting Diaphragm |
| If the woman who does it is ... |
| Experienced |
6 |
| Inexperienced |
73 |
| If a man does it |
780 |
| Add five (5) calories for retrieving it from across the room |
| Positions According to Nationality |
| Italian -- man on top, woman in kitchen |
26 |
| Russian -- woman on top, man getting permission |
55 |
| American -- both on top |
60 |
| Possible Side Effects of Intercourse |
| Bouncing |
7 |
| Skidding Around |
9 |
| Seriously Skidding Around |
12 |
| Whiplash |
27 |
| Orgasm |
| Real |
27 |
| Faked |
167 |
| Orgasmic Intensity Scale |
| Shoes Flew Off |
35 |
| Expression Didn't Change |
.5 |
| Orchestra Swelled |
6 |
| Earth Moved |
30 |
| Birds Sang |
| Large Birds |
7 |
| Small Birds |
4 |
| Pulling Out |
| After Orgasm |
.5 |
| A Few Moments Before Orgasm |
500 |
| Penis Envy |
| For Women |
5 |
| For Men |
72 |
| Guilt |
| Despite no formal training, orgasm comes easily, naturally |
53 |
| You're Enjoying Sex Despite the Fact that Other People are Starving |
2 |
| Sex on Your Lunch Hour |
3 |
| Putting it on Your Expense Account |
62 |
| Aggravation |
| Partner Keeps Showing Plants |
5 |
| Partner Insists on Cuddling the Dog During Foreplay |
11 |
| Partner Just Visited Bathroom for the 7th Time |
13 |
| Partner is Taking Phone Calls |
7 |
| Partner is Making Phone Calls |
40 |
| Getting Caught |
| By Partner's Spouse |
60 |
| By Your Spouse |
100 |
| Trying to Explain |
55 |
| Trying to Remain Calm |
100 |
| Leaping out of Bed |
75 |
| Getting Dressed in One Motion |
500 |
| Thanking Partner Quickly |
2 |
