Chapter 27
The sensation was indescribable. Nothing could ever compare with waking up in the arms of someone with whom she had shared herself, her being, her very soul. Someone she loved, passionately and completely, and, well, everywhere…and often. It had been a long amorous night, and after climbing out of the bath, they’d both fallen quickly asleep. ‘Great sex can do that to you,’ she thought as she drifted off to sleep, ‘reward for a job well done.’
The sobering reality of morning set in. The alarm would be going off and they would have to get up soon. Today they would head off to Chicago, her final journey with them. As she luxuriated in the warmth of his arms, she wondered where this would lead her. She couldn’t bear the thought of going back to her mundane existence. She missed her friends, her family, her cats, but things were otherwise pretty dull for her, especially after this. Who would have guessed just a week ago that she would be here, in Johnny Rzeznik’s room, in Johnny Rzeznik’s bed, in Johnny Rzeznik’s arms! She hoped to God that everything she thought he felt and saw in her was genuine and not a ruse, a game to relieve the tedium of extensive travel and odd hours. She hadn’t told him that she loved him and she wasn’t sure if she should, or would. That would only make it harder to leave him. She didn’t see how they could carry on with a relationship from such distance and with such dissimilar lives, but the thought of living a day without him seemed like a cruel and unusual punishment for the simple crime of falling in love with someone so utterly inaccessible. Let’s face it, she thought to herself, she hadn’t told him that she loved him because she figured he already knew it.
She shifted her body so she could look at him. Sleeping, the man had the innocent face of a little boy. She brushed her lips across the dimple in his chin on her way to give him a gentle kiss on his soft lips. Better to wake up this way than to the alarm clock that was due to go off at any minute. “Up ‘n’ at ‘em, cowboy! Rise and shine,” she whispered softly in his ear. She rolled her eyes and did a mental head slap for saying something that in retrospect sounded so dumb!
His eyes shot open and he just looked at her, blankly for a few seconds. He spoke with a sleepy morning voice. “Oh my God, that’s exactly what my mom used to say to wake to me up everyday,” then a smile crept over him, “How weird...” He squeezed her tightly and kissed her.
To Gen, the moment smacked of the Twilight Zone. She really didn’t know what had compelled her to say something so schmaltzy other than that she was feeling extremely maternal at the time.
“Um, we kinda hafta get up. It’s off to Chicago today,” she sighed with a hint of sadness. John just held her tighter. “I oughta go get my stuff from my room.” She made an effort to pull away but he wouldn’t let go.
“Stay here. Don’t leave. They’re not going anywhere without us.” He squirmed around to get comfortable and buried his face in her hair as he kissed her neck.
She liked this, she had to admit, but she really needed to get up. She figured when they were late everybody’d just blame her. The alarm went off, but John just reached around and hit the snooze.
“We overslept,” he ordered, his tongue caressing her ear. “I’ve got a few minutes, how about you?”
She had no will power. She welcomed him almost instinctively as he slid over her, moving in perfect rhythm to his motion. They fit together perfectly. No kisses had ever tasted sweeter or more scorching, no hands had ever felt so hot and yet so tender on her skin, and no one had taken her to such heights of pleasure, so profoundly and so frequently. He was so gentle and loving…and passionate with her. Bathed in satisfying waves of bliss, they looked at each other with perfect understanding, knowing exactly the others thoughts and feelings; the whole universe revealed in that split second.
Then abruptly, they
came to a mutual realization. A harsh fact that made them both feel as though
they were going to choke. A wave of panic washed over them as it occurred to
them simultaneously that they had neglected to use any sort of protection.
Gennie opened her mouth to speak, but words wouldn’t come out.
He quickly moved off of her and sat on the side of the bed, his head in his hands. “I’m…I’m…Oh, shit…I’m…I’m so sorry. I’m sorry.” He apologized to her as if he’d hurt her.
This was scaring her. He seemed a little too sorry. She wanted to reach out and touch him, to tell him everything would be all right, but first he had to tell her. She felt paralyzed as though her life hung in the balance. “Is there something I need to know?” her voice trailed off nervously.
He turned to look at her, afraid of what he’d see in her eyes. This was never supposed to happen. “No,” he confessed, “How about you? Anything you need to tell me?”
She rolled her eyes and sighed with massive relief. She sat up and scooched over to him, cozying up to his back. She kissed one of the little question marks on his shoulder. “No, I’m fine,” she smiled, “Disaster averted.”
He faced Gennie with an expression filled with emotion as he confessed, “God, I love you.”
‘Uh, oh’, she thought as she stared at her hands. She didn’t know what to say or where to look. “I…I…” Mercifully, the alarm went off again. ‘Thank God! Saved by the bell,’ she thought. She sat there recalling the last nine minutes of her life. She’d gone from feeling almost maternal toward him, to ooh baby! -his lover, to fearing briefly for her life and now he told her that he loved her. It was like living on fast forward! She couldn’t take it any longer. “Johnny, sweetie, I’ve got get going. See you in a bit. Time for that walk of shame.” She hopped out of bed, slipped her dress back on, picked up her stuff, and tried to sneak back to her room without anyone seeing her.
Once in her room, she quickly gathered up her belongings and brushed her teeth. She decided she had time for a quick shower. She stepped in and let the water splash over her, washing away her cares- alone with her thoughts. Now that she knew her life had been spared, he was safe and healthy, she wondered about the other possibilities. The what if’s were killing her. She chose to think about more immediate issues. Had she just done something cruel by skipping out on him just as he told her he loved her? “Oh my God.” She exclaimed upon realizing what she had just experienced, “Johnny just told me he loved me.” All the scrubbing in the world couldn’t wipe the satisfied smile off her face. She lingered longer than she knew she should have, but what the hell, he was right- they weren’t going anywhere without her.
She got out tossed on shorts and a t-shirt and pulled her hair back, plunking a new GGD cap on top of her head. She tied her sneakers, picked up her bag and headed out the door. She knew full well they’d be waiting for her. She met Robby at the elevator.
“You look bright eyed and bushytailed for someone who got no sleep last night!” he teased her.
She blushed, all the muscles in her face tightened. “Uh…” She was embarrassed.
“No problem,” he shrugged with an easy smile as they entered the opening doors. “I was just in the next room so I kinda couldn’t help but know.” He elbowed her, his hands full of duffle bags and other gear.
She was mortified and her face must have shown it. “Oh…” she laughed self consciously, “I didn’t realize….oh God…I’m…wow…it wasn’t that bad, was it?”
“Nah, I just turned up the TV,” he snickered.
“Oh my God!” This was humiliating. “I’m…sorry?”
“Better not be!” He chose to cut her some slack. “It’s Ok, really. I mean, it’s no big deal. I’ve known him for a lotta years and these things happen. At least you were havin’ fun! It coulda been worse.”
‘Man, this place must have thin walls,’ she thought. “Gee, thanks,” she deadpanned.
“Any time.”
“Have you talked to Johnny this morning?”
“No, but I heard him leave shortly after I heard you tiptoe out. I guess he’s waiting downstairs.”
The elevator door opened and there he sat, smoking a cigarette with the crew. And of course there was Tony her cameraman du jour. She eyed John to get a feel for what was going through his mind. Did he think she was a colossal bitch for running out on him at a crucial moment? His face gave nothing away. She thought twice about saying a word to him in front of this crowd.
“Hey man, “ he called to Robby, “it’s about damn time. Let’s hit the road.”
Robby shot a quick look to Gennie before he took off with John. She didn’t want to make things too obvious, so she hung back and stopped by the continental breakfast table then slowly made her way to the bus, cranberry juice and croissant in tow.
“Sleep well in that cushy room of yours?” Tony asked as he sidled up to her.
His comment startled her and she nearly choked on her juice. “What?”
“Y’know, up there on the top floor. It’s nicer up there, right?”
“Um, I don’t know. It was a nice room. Was yours not nice?”
“Eeaahh” he wiggled his hand in a so-so gesture. “We can’t all be tight with the band.”
“Excuse me?”
“Yeah.” He was puzzled by her expression. “You do know that they pay for your upgrade, don’t you?”
“What?”
“Well, you sure don’t think that MTV is payin’ for the suites do you?”
“It wasn’t a suite.”
“Whatever,” he shrugged, “No, the band started upgrading your room, like, the first night. You’re always on the same floor as them, right?”
“Yeah?”
“You haven’t seen the rest of us there, have you?”
She hadn’t thought about it but, no, she hadn’t.
“That’s cause someone’s got a mysterious benefactor, I guess. You were supposed to be stayin’ with us.”
“If you know it’s them, then it isn’t mysterious.”
“I have my doubts about it being ‘official’, if ya know what I mean.”
“Sorry, I don’t.”
“Look, that manager guy is kinda pissy about you staying up there. I wouldn’t say he don’t like you, but you sure make him uncomfortable. I say someone, some rock star, is doin’ you," he paused for effect as Gennie fought to stay calm, "…a favor. Maybe you’ll find out who at the end.” He wiggled his eyebrows at her like he expected her to ‘get lucky’. Evidently, Jack hadn’t told him that as far as he knew, she already had.
She’d reached the door of the bus. “Later, Tony,” she dismissed him somewhat distractedly and climbed on board. They were waiting for her so they could leave. She wandered back to her ‘room’ and put down her bag, tossed her cap aside and plopped down on her bed to eat her breakfast. She had no idea that she had been taken care of all along and she’d never thought about her surroundings being better than anyone else’s. If she’d noticed at all, she’d have thought it was just part of the package. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out who her mysterious benefactor was. But she did find it odd that it had begun as soon as she got there. She didn’t think anything had even begun to click between them until the night in the club. Why would he have done it? Was it part of a game of predator and prey? How would he have known they would hit it off?…unless he’d planned it that way.
Just then, John ambled down the mini-hall leading to her bunk. “I think we need to talk.”
She looked up at him, her eyes filled with questions, “We do.”
“Look, earlier…”
‘Oh, shit!’ she thought, ‘He’s gonna give me the ‘let’s just be friends’ line.’
“Earlier, y’know, this morning… I didn’t want to scare you, cuz I’m fine, y’know, health wise, but what about you?” He was trying to be sensitive, but he also wanted to get to the point.
She was already questioning his motives, now this was just insulting. “I told you I’m Ok.”
“Yeah, I know, but what about…” He paused, almost afraid of his own words. “You’re not gonna get pregnant, are you?”
She had a lot on her mind about what kind of jerk he might have turned out to be in the end, so she chose to ignore his question, it was a little too scary to think about, and tossed a new ball out on the court. “Why have you been paying for my rooms?”
“Huh?”
“You heard what I said. You’ve been paying to upgrade my room since we got to Minneapolis, haven’t you?”
“Where did you hear that?”
“Doesn’t matter.” she was feeling a tad bit hateful; she wasn’t in the mood to play cat and mouse. Being the prey was always a bitch.
“What if I have?” He was at a loss; he really wasn’t expecting an argument from her.
He looked so cute all perplexed like he was, but she wanted an answer. “You have, haven’t you?”
“Why does it matter so much?”
“I just wanna know why you’re doing it.”
He smiled shyly at her, “Ok. Because I wanted to. You were closer that way. It was, um, easier y’know.”
“Easier?!” Her eyes shot open wide as saucers. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
He stood before her clearly confused. “Why are you fighting with me? Are you mad about what happened?”
“I don’t know. Just answer me. Was I the reward in some game I wasn’t aware of? Had you been planning this little ‘event’ all along?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Dammit, John!” she yelled though she tried to keep their conversation at least semi-private. “Had you been planning to seduce me from the very beginning? Did you finally bag your babe and get what you wanted?” The words shot from her mouth like bullets.
“Now that’s a fucking double edged sword, isn’t it?” He was mad. “No matter what I say, you’ll get pissed off at me.”
She glared at him. “That isn’t true. Just tell me.” She was so angry at the moment that her face was beet red and she felt the tears welling in her eyes. She didn’t want those tears to give her away.
“I…I was just… Oh fuck it. I came back here to ask you a question. Please, don’t do this, ok? Can you just answer my question?” he was irritated but he saw her tears starting. He realized that whatever she was thinking had wounded her incredibly deeply.
The tears started rolling down her cheeks, “Please tell me you aren’t this self centered. Tell me how long you’ve known you were gonna use me.”
“Use you?” His eyes dropped compassionately, “Why would you think that?” He sat beside her, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her lightly on the top of her head.
She looked up at him, still upset, but he was so charming she couldn’t help but abandon her initial rage. She sniffed, “I get the impression that I’m just another conquest. You knew you’d have me all along. You played me for a fool.” She dropped her head, humiliated.
“Shit Gen, darlin’, you’ve gotta know I wouldn’t do that to you.” It pained him to think that she did. “I just, I don’t know, felt something for you from the beginning…and then that morning on the bus when we were talking, I kinda knew it was right, y’know.”
She looked deep into his eyes. “Is that the truth?” Her heart filled with hope. “I mean, really the truth and not just something you’re saying to make me feel better?” She wiped at her tears.
He placed a finger beneath her chin and raised her face to look at her directly. “You heard me this morning, didn’t you?” He had a pained look on his face. He knew she’d heard him, but even he was surprised that he’d said it, he really hadn’t meant for the words to leave his mouth. With all his heart he hoped that it didn’t freak her out too badly. It really wasn’t like him to become this hopelessly smitten so quickly.
She had heard him and evidently he’d meant it. She nodded, smiling as she wiped the last of the tears from her eyes, “What was your question again?”
He beamed; glad she’d gotten the message and seemed to be fine with it. “I asked you if we were OK this morning. You’re not gonna, like, surprise me in nine months?” he said softly, kissing her hair again.
“I, I think I’m fine, but we’ll just have see, I guess.” She offered a pathetic smile, “I’m not on the pill if that’s what you mean, so I can’t tell you more than that, sorry.”
He nodded and displayed a shy smile. “That’s…cool. I can’t ask for more than that then.” He held her tightly, “And, yeah, I paid for your room, cause, well, I wanted to. You can’t tell me you would’ve rather been on the second floor with the roadies! It would’ve been a little more of a challenge for you to sneak out this morning,” he leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. “Now c’mon darlin’, let’s watch some TV or something.” He stood up taking her hand to lead her back to the living area.
“Wait. Johnny, um, what will we do if…” she had a sad, desperate look in her eyes.
He just shook his head, pulling her close, her head coming to rest on his shoulder. “Gennie, baby, don’t worry about it right now.” They stood there silently holding each other for a few moments. “If it happens, we’ll deal with it somehow.”
“How could I have been so stupid?” she asked as he stroked her hair.
“Genevieve,” he took her by the shoulders and moved her to face him, “we made a mistake. I don’t blame you, even if something does happen. I love you, and uh, we kinda got caught up in it, y’know. I promise, everything’s gonna be Ok.”
She didn’t see how he could make a promise like that, but she accepted it. She smiled appreciatively, wrapped her arms around his waist and gave him a tender, lingering kiss.