Chapter 55
“Would you care for a complimentary beverage, madam?”
The crisp British accent of the nattily attired flight attendant reminded Gennie of Mary Poppins, even though her nametag indicated her name was Fiona. “I’ll just have water, please.”
“Sparkling or still?”
“Still please,” Gen responded with a cheery smile.
“And the gentleman with you, would he care for one as well?”
“Diet Coke, please.” She watched as Fiona routinely went through the motions of serving up a soft drink with a smile as if it were her calling in life.
Gen thanked her and glanced toward the back of the plane. John had recently headed that direction to say hello to a woman whose eyes nearly popped out of her head as she shuffled through the first class cabin en route to her more economical seat. While John chatted happily away, grateful to have found a fan after a less than stellar audience reception in France, Gen took the opportunity to study the neatly arranged landscape of the French countryside that streaked by far beneath her.
She sighed and made herself comfortable. Now that she’d made her intentions known to John, he wanted to start planning for her move right away. If she didn’t feel nervous before, she did now. She felt especially troubled by a comment he’d made last night as they ate an elegant late night candlelight supper in their room after the show. She’d made some off handed remark about the audience in Paris not being as enthusiastic as they’d been everywhere else. She’d said it with a smile, partly as a joke. She knew he had plenty of fans the world over. But he replied with an absolute seriousness that almost scared her.
“It doesn’t matter. I’d give it all up for a moment like this here with you.”
“Oh, c’mon, you love it up on the stage, you could never leave that behind.”
“I know, but it doesn’t last forever, y’know. And I know that.”
She smiled, unsure whether to be touched or worried. What exactly was he thinking right now?
He sensed her disquiet and sought to elaborate. “Gen, you know those isolated minutes after the show? You like to call ‘em my ‘quiet time’,” he said with a laugh.
“Yeah.”
“Do you know what I’m thinking when I’m back there?”
“No.” She sipped casually at her wine.
“Well, let me first say that in the past I’ve never been big into that whole thing, y’know. It was always Robby that liked the time to wind down after the show.” John took a drink from his glass as well. “So, uh, y’know, I just went along with it sometimes for the peace and quiet or to let my ears stop ringing if nothing else.”
“Yeah?” she giggled.
“Yeah,” he smiled. “But this time, y’know, on this tour I was the one who really needed it.”
“Why’s that?” she asked, taking a bite of her meal.
“Cause normally when I’m up there on stage, I think about how I hope this never ends, but knowing that it will, y’know. But this time, I’d come off stage thinking, yeah, I love it and all, but how much have I given up to get here? How many opportunities have I passed up for this? How many ways have I fucked my life up just for this few minutes of glory? That’s why I was always actin’ like such an asshole after the show. It put me in a shitty mood, y’know.”
She frowned. “Johnny, you sound so negative,” she replied, then went back to cutting her steak.
“No Gen, I’m really not. Cause see, I really truly believe that something led me to this point. I’m supposed to be here and you are too, y’know. When we got that call from MTV, I was dead set against it. I wasn’t gonna let this get any bigger and more fucked up for my personal life. I mean, look at me, I totally pissed away my marriage cause of this thing and I couldn’t keep a meaningful relationship together either, no matter how hard I tried. This life kept getting in the way of my life. But for some reason, Rob thought this MTV thing would be a good idea, y’know. We were in the offices and I already told the lady – No, I wouldn’t do it, but for whatever reason, I changed my mind. Then they weren’t supposed to even let us see the finalists for your job but again, for some reason, they gave in when we said we wanted the bios and shit and not only did they let us see… they totally let us pick you! I’m tellin’ ya Gen. This shit doesn’t work that way normally.”
Setting down her fork and knife, she eyed him curiously, “So now you’ve found me by some divine force, now what? I know you have no intention of giving it all up now just because of a sneaky suspicion.”
“Oh my god, Gen, no! That’s what’s so amazing. I spent this whole tour before you came along thinking how I’m never gonna have the stuff I really want in life. Y’know, the stuff that when you’re on your deathbed that you think back and are really proud of, the stuff that really matters.”
“So what’s
changed?”
“Jesus Christ, Gen! When I met you I was blown out of the water. I’ve never met a woman who was so totally comfortable and confident in herself that she could be comfortable with what I do. Most women hate that I have all these other girls all over me, that I’m away from them all the time, that I have to have time to myself to do my thing.”
Lingering over her wineglass, she asked, “You think I like it?”
“No, but you get it. You not only get it, but you’re supportive of it.” He looked at her with eyes that conveyed the passion he felt. “I love the way you encourage me to be with my fans instead of pouting because I can’t be with you. You don’t get completely pissed off when I’m in my rock star asshole mode. You realize that it’s just part of the game! That is so cool. You make me realize that I don’t have to give it all up to have what I really want. But on the other hand, you also are the first woman who’s come along that’s made me realize that all that shit doesn’t really matter, y’know. Since I’ve known you, I’ve realized that I can walk away from it and it’s gonna be ok… as long as I have you by my side. I’ve never put any relationship before my music- ever. But lately I’ve realized- now that I’m willing to do that- I don’t have to. I’ve got the best of both worlds. Do you see what I’m saying?”
“You want the truth?” she inquired of him. He met her gaze hopefully. “No, I don’t know where you’re going with this.”
“I’m willing to do anything to keep you Genevieve. I’ve never said that to anyone before. You come before my work, you come before my friends, my problems, my smoking, my drinking… you come before me!”
It was his final words that actually struck her the most. How could you not completely fall for a statement like that? She had no doubt that he loved her. But she was starting to worry that maybe she wasn’t ready to rush into a relationship like this; one that went beyond being serious. Could she be as good a partner to him as he so obviously wanted to be to her? It wasn’t that she didn’t feel similarly about him, but she wasn’t sure she could see herself using those same words to describe her feelings for him. Knowing him had changed her life, it was true, but was she prepared to take this huge step? It wasn’t like they were getting married, right? Still it was all a little daunting, really. But, she admitted to herself with a smile, it did make for some intense action in bed. They were nothing, if not passionate.