A super-secret forum transcript between the different sides of the argument hosted by the Council on Foreign Relations. Participated in by a representative from the Illuminati, the Freemasons, the MJ 12, the Vampires, the Werewolves, and the Mages as well as a very lucky mundane hacker:
***
Welcome!
Forum Moderator: CoFR
Message From Moderator: Please do not speak in l33t. We are professionals, for Christ’s sake.
Note that forum topic and all posts will be deleted immediately after meeting has adjourned. No records of this meeting will be kept except in our records.
Forum Topic: Diplomacy Meeting
***
CoFR: Hello and welcome to all attendees. This is a roll call. We’ll get to the subject in a moment. When you faction is called, please post your screen name and faction for clarification (a bit redundant, but the bureaucracy is necessary).
CoFR: Illuminati
Illuminus: Illuminus representing the Illuminati.
CoFR: Freemasons
Stonecutter: Stonecutter showing up for the Freemasons
CoFR: Majestic 12
MajicEyesOnly: MajicEyesOnly representing the Majestic Twelve.
CoFR: Vampires.
CoFR: Vampires
Magus: i think he’s afk.
CoFR: :emoteheadshake: Werewolves.
Wolfies: Here.
Wolfies: (no edit button, sorry) wolfies for werewolves
CoFR: And Mages
Magus: magus representing the Mages
Stonecutter: magus, r u a technocrat IRL?
CoFR: Now, to begin the talk today, I’d like to discuss the recent advancements the MJ 12 has made on all factions.
Magus: no. I dont have much computr experiance.
CoFR: Please keep discussion relevant to the topic.
MajicEyesOnly: We have every right to make advancements. The other factions are weaker than us, ergo we defeat them and/or immerse them. It’s the simple law of survival of the fittest.
Wolfie: :emotecough: bullshit :emotecough:
Magus: i think majic is a man in black irl
Stonecutter: oh.
CoFR: Please keep responses professional.
Wolfies: A lil slow on the typing there, CoFR?
Illuminus: I diagree with your philosophy, Majic. You see, you’re simply exhibitng Imperialism and citing a law of nature as your justification. Yet if you’re promoting a denaturalized wolrd with man as a supremem being (a wolrd devoid of nature, btb, hence the “denaturalized”), how can you cite jungle law? Your nothing more than a hypocrite. Simply proven.
Stonecutter: Your expansion is unecessary, You already have control of the North American and United Kingdom’s gov’t. You needn’t expand any futher. Remmember: absolute power corrupts absolutely. Though thew same goes for any group here. Even us.
Haxor717: Whoa! OMGWTF is dis place? OMG, I’m a n00b hur!
CoFR: I, like Magus, am unused to this computer interface. It doesn’t help that we have a dial-up connection here. Our organization is soo poor.
CoFR: hey, I said no l33t! Who posted that?
Wolfies: You know why your organization is poor, CoFR? Because no one wants peace.
Haxor717: OMG! Is dis like sum secret meeting? OMG! WTF! OMG! I should infect y’all wit a virus!
MajicEyesOnly: Well then, “Illuminus,” what, exactly, are you promoting with your “enlightened” rule?”
Magus: i’m no techie but i think we have a hacker
CoFR: Who’s “Haxor717?”
Stonecutter: Who could have got access to the codes? If this sin’t secure, I say we shut down immediately.
Illuminus: You Mj12 bigots are so loud that you can’t hear our voice of moderation over your own boasts. We merely want to secretly guide mankind to be better as we have been doing for centuries.
Haxor717: OMG! i jus read all posts, an I think I no who y’all r
Wolfies: It hink this is becoming a two-sided debate
(Magus has logged off, saying “CoFR, shut down and destroy this forum board b4 word gets out or consider us out of your comission.”)
MajicEyesOnly: And I suppose causing World War One was “guiding mankind for the better,” Illuminus?
Haxor717: Like OMG! I jus found da prefect virus. The TOD BOPULA VIRUS. I jus need ur IPs now...
CoFR: I just ran a scan, and a hacker’s presence has been confirmed.
Wolfies: Yeah, thnx for that info CoFR.
Stonecutter: Good thing we re-routed all our IP addresses thru Sweden. Still don’t want to risk it. (Stonecutter has logged off, saying “Reschedule a meeting, destroy all evidence of this one, as per normal”)
Illuminus: We needed to cause WWI. Too many covert alliances were forming. If we didn’t set off the bomb in time, an alien threat that came in the years following the war would have destroyed the world because the nations would never have been able to ally together long enoughto secretly end it. You should know that, Majic.
CoFR: We must decide on a course of action on the hacker. We can either ignore him, IP ban him, or end the meeting and destroy it. Please note that the first two options will endanger our secrecy. Also note that if we do not act quickly enough, the hacker may expose us or send a crippling virus though our system. Please vote on our course of action.
Wolfies: Do we have a vote-bot for this, or are you counting the whopping three votes by hand, CoFR?
Haxor717: 1t loadd’n now. 5hould B 95% complete in 15 secs. teh L/\st 5% takes a min or so for sum reson. !OMG! uberHAXOR&!&PWNS UR A$$ SUXXORZ!!!!11one^@#**#//geekekekeke
CoFR: Your sarcasm is NOT appreciated, Wolfie. Votes, please.
Wolfies: Why is the hacker walking us through the virus thing? It doesn’t make sense. Oh, I vote we end the meeting and destroy it, btb.
MajicEyesOnly: We know more than you could possibly imagine, Illuminus. Or perhaps we should call you “Fetus Savior”
Illuminus: I vote we IP ban him.
Illuminus: How do you know that Majic?! This area is secure.
MajicEyesOnly: I vote we ignore the hacker. He doesn’t pose a threat.
Wolfies: What the hell! A 3-way tie? This is bull! Why were there even the first two options? Does anyone have common sense? We’ve got less than a minute!
MajicEyesOnly: We also know your location, Illuminus. Broadway and 3rd terminal.
Haxor717: OMG! 20 secs n0w
CoFR: Hmm, a conundrum. But we hvae not yet counted Vamp’s vote.
(Illuminus has logged off, saying “G2 get outof here now. They’re onto me.”)
Wolfies: This is crazy. I’m out.
(Wolfies has logged off, saying, “CoFR, just delete the damed thing before it causes any damage.”)
MajicEyesOnly: We’ll continue this at a later time.
(MajicEyesOnly has logged off, saying “It is inevitable.”)
Vamps: Leeroy Jenkins!! Time’s up! I’m in da haus. What’re we talking aboot, eh? (Get it? I’m Canadian!)
CoFR: Oh my, it appears as though the hacker has uploaded a virus. If the Commission had only sprung for that virus protector...
CoFR: Vamps? Where were you?
Vamps: Sorry, I was AFK during the meeting. Hey, who’s Haxor717?
Haxor717: Ding, fries are done, ding fries are done, ding, fries are done, ding, fries are done! 100 parcent, baby! OMG! KAAAAAAAAAAAABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
***
The meeting abruptly ends here. The forum, left undeleted and uncoded, is now widely available on the Internet. The FBI has investigated it and determined it to be a hoax, as all but two of the IP addresses are from the same port in Sweden. The only “real” group identified was the Commission on Foreign Affairs. It was given a heavy fine for purporting a lie and misusing its official position. In addition, all of the small organization’s computers had to be replaced due to a crippling virus.
Home