Lunch

Gingko Biloba had her devious scheme all laid out.

"Oh Mr. Steelbeak. There’s a delivery for you." She called cheerfully on the intercom.

"What is it, Kiddo?" he answered

"Someone left you a big tray of food out here. It must be for lunch."

"Really. Bring it on in. It’s almost lunch time"

As soon as the intercom buzzed off she cackled.

"Yes with this lunch of Doom, your fate is sealed Perfidious and repugnant one. This lunch shall be your last. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Ooh boy bagettes." Peter tried to take one

"Peter. No don’t eat that!"

"Why? He has three."

"It’s for the boss."

"You know." Peter said picking up a bagette and pointing at her. "You would think you poisoned it."

"No… what are you talking about." Gingko raised one eyebrow, her lips got really tiny, and her voice got four octaves deepers

"Because if you did it wouldn’t really matter-"

"I did not poison his food. He is my boss."

"But you’re always threatening to kill him. Besides it smells funny."

"That’s just the lime juice and …stuff."

"I mean if you wanna poison the boss it won’t work. I-"

"Ooh look. Guess what time it is? Time to ignore you." Gingko snatched back the baggette, and carried the tray towards Steelbeak’s office. "Gotta go."

Steelbeak would never notice a thing. His nasal cavity was destroyed because of his beak. If Peter would only keep his big black bill shut.

"Come on in Annie. Oh boy."

"Look a crudite with bubbling green dip." Annie kept her face away from the fumes coming out of the dip.

"Oh I bet it smells wonderful. I wouldn’t be able to tell because you know. Ole Bertha here." He pinged his beak. "Is the dip supposed to be smoking like that?"

"It’s one of those novelty dips that blows blue smoke." Gingko nodded.

"Hmm white carrots trez chic."

It’s actually nightshade root tubers "It’s arugula."

He tore into the crudite.

He spilled a little dip and it melted a hole in his desk.

"Wow, nice and spicy. Ooh boy. Do you got any water?"

"Here this is better than water."

She had grabbed a lead apron, and goggles and handed him some yellow glowing juice with a pair of tongs.

"Wow that looks good."

Steelbeak drank half of it in one gulp.

"Yummy."

"Enjoy your lunch Steelbeak."

She went out.

"Hey any do you know these things that look like walnuts in the waldorf salad. They melt when you put them in your mouth?"

"Boy oh Boy I haven’t had a chicken waldorf salad since my Ma’s."

Gingko stared in abject horror

"Your mother used to make you Chicken salad?"

"Yeah what’s so big about that? Salad for chickens."

"Do you know what’s in chicken salad?"

"Yeah Turkey meat, My ma always said. But hey it wasn’t like I knew any turkeys. Can you imagine how sick that would be?"

Gingko turned green. "But Chicken salad has…"

Steelbeak grinned obliviously.

"Never mind Mr. Steelbeak. Enjoy your chicken salad."

She didn’t want Steelbeak to stop eating her "special" lunch with knowledge of his cannibalism.

"Say I got plenty left over, you’ve got to try this stuff."

He handed her the bowl.

"No no no. The card said specifically for you to enjoy it ALONE."

"Come on. I got plenty. Three glowing baggetes is way too much for one guy."

"No no no I’m not hungry." Gingko said fearfully.

"Hey, is that Chicken Waldorf salad. My fav." Peter interjected.

"Help yourself Cadet Peter." Steelbeak offered.

"Thanks Agent Steelbeak. Yummy."

Gingko’s Biloba jaw fell into the desk

"No Peter what are you doing. It’s the boss’s food."

"What?" Peter said tearing into a baggette

"The Boss’s food." she winked.

"What are you talking about?"

"THE BOSS’S FOOD!" Gingko winked and nudged him.

"Are you okay? Annie. You got something in your eye?" The vile and pernicious destroyer asked her considerately.

"No I’m fine. Just go and enjoy your food." she pushed Steelbeak back into his office with the bowl.

She slammed the door.

"Peter if you eat that salad you’ll die."

"So it’s got too much garlic in it."

Gingko dashed the food out of his hand.

"You know Annie I’m trying to tell you if you’re trying to poison him it’s not going to work because-

"Oh For the love a-" she grabbed a paperweight and conked Peter over the head.

She called him over the intercom "Oh Steelbeak. Peter fell over and I think he has an appendicitis."

"Another one! Wow that is serious. You better take him to the infirmary."

"Yes Mr. Steelbeak. So How is the Dessert?"

"Oh just delicious. It is just, especially that topping. I wonder what they used. It’s like all sweet and almondy. It’s not amaretto. I hate amaretto. It’s got a little more oof to it ya know. Whoever this cook is, they are a genius."

Gingko laughed. That’s arsenic you are eating. Oh Cruel Anti-chicken.

Gingko watched Steelbeak come out of his office.

"Boy after such a big meal I don’t know how I’m going to stay awake."

Gingko was giddy with joy. "Oh trust me Steelbeak. You’ll be sleeping really quite deep soon." She chuckled.

"Boy I only wish I could find that cook. This is the best lunch I’ve had in a long time."

"Probably your last." Gingko chuckled.

Gingko couldn’t contain her laughter.

"What’s so funny, Kiddo?"

"I made that lunch. I Gingko Biloba Night Mistress of the Mysterious Night. Yes your doom is-"

"Annie. You little devil." he pinched her cheek.

"I had no idea you could cook like that. You were playing a trick on the big boss man huh. Well it was delicious. I couldn’t eat another bite so I stuck the leftovers in the fridge."

"The fridge."

"Well you got me Annie. Boy the guy who gets his hooks into you is going to be the best fed guy in the universe. How did you make those little orange sparking chocolates?"

It took a second for it all to process.

As she jumped up on the desk a she saw a bunch of Fowl employees eating leftovers in the fridge.

"You know I really don’t like spicy food."

"Yeah there’s something funny about this."

"Too much garlic?"

Oh no. They were eating her chicken salad. Horror of horrors. Her evil plan had back fired. She ran.

"NOOOOOOO! Stop eating that."

She smashed plates out of peoples hand’s.

"Hey I was eating that." Double L Zero said.

She broke Double L Zero’s fork

"Don’t eat that. It’s POISON." Gingko Biloba screamed.

"Okay so maybe it’s a little too spicy for Waldorf salad."

Clio grabbed a big chunk of the baggette.

"I like so got the munchies. And my mouth is really dry. Like cotton."

"No what are you doing. I poisoned Steelbeak’s food and now you’re all going to die."

They shrugged and continued eating.

Peter rolled in on a wheel chair over Gingko’s foot.

"OWWWW!"
"Why did you knock me out?" he looked around "Hey how come they get to eat your poison salad and I don’t?"

"Peter…" she started to weep, in his lap loudly.

"Annie, You can’t poison Steelbeak."

"This is no time for your moralizing-"

"No I mean you literally can’t poison Steelbeak. He’s built up an immunity to all the poisons money can buy, even on the black market."

"What are you talking about?"

"Well you can build up immunity to anything. It only takes a micro serving a day. In fact now all the employees at FOWL have an immunity to arsenic, cyanide, nightshade and most radioactive materials."

"That’s what I used. This means…" Gingko cheerfully shouted "Oh boy I didn’t kill everyone. I’m not a mass murderer. Hurray."

Peter was handed a plate. And took a bite of his long sought after salad.

He coughed "Don’t be to sure about that. This salad is so salty. Blah. No wonder the boss likes it. Most of his tastebuds are replaced with stainless steel."

Serena came in.

"Hi guys. Whatcha eatin?"

"Chicken salad."

"Oh boy I love chicken. Yummy."

"I’ll say…" Agent Ontondrey whispered.

Everybody winced as she grabbed a big hunk of chicken meat with her fork.

"Isn’t he- Oh never mind. That’s just creepy."

Steelbeak ran in "Whoa Whoa. Serena don’t you eat that!" He grabbed the fork out of her hand. "It’s got-"

He sniffed it the fork.

"Well my internal poison detector in my beak says it Dr. Morroco’s Cyanide for Rats."

"Cyanide. Oh NO." she dropped the plate. "Why would someone put cyanide in the food?" Serena freaked.

The Employees shrugged and continued to shovel in the horrible chicken salad.

"Don’t you worry about it Rena-babe? We all worked up an immunity to cyanide long ago, it’s a must as a secret agent. So don’t go eaten my food because they might have poisonous."

"I didn’t know that. That is like so cool."

"We here at FOWL got iron stomachs."

"And steel beaks." she tweaked his beak playfully.

"Oh Rena-Pookie you do know how to tease a guy." he pecked her on the cheek.

"You know, I once had to eat 20 pounds of dynamite with garlic butter sauce." he scratched his neck

"How was that?"

"I won that bet. Actually anything tastes better with garlic butter sauce."

Serena nodded

"You go out to Countess and I’ll catch up. I got to go see Annie first."

Steelbeak walked over, scratching his arm.

Annie was nibbling her chicken salad. It was really bad, what was she thinking putting all that garlic in it. She threw it aside.

"I really want to thank you for lunch Annie. And I was wondering…" He grabbed a pencil "could I get your recipe for chicken waldorf salad?"

"Um. One clove, 2 tablespoons of crushed garlic, fourth an teaspoon curry-"

"Uh-huh" Steelbeak started scratching himself with the pencil eraser on his neck, as she told him all the ingrediants.

"Three pounds of um turkey meat heheheheheh."

"Turkey meat. Yeah go on" Steelbeak began wincing uncomfortably scratching his back. "I’m sorry. I just, got this…"

"And 4 tart Granny Whammy Green apples."

"Wait APPLES? Oh god. Rena!" he dropped the pad of paper on the ground.

Rena came running back to see him "What’s wrong?"

"Look at my neck."

"Oh no Steelie you’re breaking out in hives all over your neck."

"You didn’t tell me that your salad had apples in it. Oh no." Steelbeak whined "I’m allergic to apples. Once when I was a little kid my head swelled up to like the size of a beach ball after I had some apple pie. Eugh."

Gingko held her head.

"What’s the big idea giving Steelie apples, if he’s allergic to apples? You should have found out what he’s allergic to before you made him lunch." Serena scolded her and scratched his neck for him.

Steelbeak scratched furiously "What are ya trying to do kill me or something?"