They had been waiting on the surface of the planetoid for way too long. When they finally entered the huge space ship it seemed they would never get after Don Karnage.

Jet smiled at her team mates. "It’s the USS Iago. Cool. I guess the Navy is helping out this time."

The space ship seemed to stretch out forever.

"Gold Class, with a crew 375. No where near the bulk of the Pocahontas. But they say she has the greatest gunners in the Navy. That is a cool ship."

"Wow." Flight said. "I’ve never seen a real space ship. Does that belong to SHUSH?"

"It’s The Navy’s. The Terran Armada founded in 2035. To meet the needs of Planetary defense. Gorgeous isn’t it. When I pass my astronavigation exam, I’m going to get to pilot one of these suckers. I like the sound of that Captain McQuack. Mom and Dad would be so proud."

"Why don’t you work on landing a biplane first?" Flight said.

A chocolate colored cat came down the walkway.

"Permission to Board the Star Ship Iago granted. Excellent to meet you. I am Captain Jake Frisko." The cat held out his hand."

"Oracle of the Future Ones. And where might I ask, were you?"

"We just got orders this morning. It’s a mess out there. But while we were making this ETA, We have pinpointed the exact location of the Star Vulture."

"Well come on then. Let’s go blow this turkey buzzard out of the sky."

"Unfortunately the Aladdin can’t move through the Graveyard. It would be like riding a bull through a carnival. You never know what treats are gonna pop up and scare it."

"Yeah… SO what does that mean." Oracle said desperately confused by the cat’s figurative language.

"We can take you to the perimeter of the Graveyard, after that you’d need to take your own cruiser through the debris, maybe even a shuttle craft."

"Well let’s do it. We’ve got to get Static back. It’s already been over 12 hours." Flight said.

"The shuttle craft are off limits to non military personell without a FML."

"Say. Wait a minute." Jet said.
She began taking things out of her pockets, a sandwich, a notebook, a wallet with a picture of her family in it, some lipstick and handed it to Flight. "Hold this for a second."

She finally pulled out the card.

"Here you go Captain Frisko, sir."

"Oh great." Flight smiled "She’s going to be flying us in space too." He hissed between his teeth.

"You’ve ever piloted a shuttlecraft or any kind of star vehicle?"

"Have I ever piloted a shuttlecraft?" Jet laughed and suspiciously didn’t answer.

"Well McQuack. You have the finest gunners on Earth on your back. You’ll take out the Clopin."

"I can’t wait." She saluted. Captain Frisko walked up the stairs.

"Have you ever piloted a shuttlecraft?" Oracle asked.
"No. But I’ve practiced. It’s like flying a plane, well without gravity or wind resistance or wings or propellors… Well I’ve done over 20 hours on the simulator."

"And how many times did you crash land?"

"Flight!" Oracle scolded him. "She’s the only one of us who can fly us."

"He’s right. I’m a great pilot. Just can’t land."

"We don’t have time to discuss this." Random howled. "Let’s just get in the deathtrap and find the Star Vulture."

"Right."

****

 Static sat in the cell tied up. It was so dark in the corner of the cell he might as well have been blindfolded.

All of a sudden a light burst into the chamber. He blinked.

He heard the figure talk about bluebirds. He crawled into the light.

"I'm here and I'm safe." A pale figure fell down and kissed the ground of the ship.

Static stared at him very closely. "Hey you're me."

"Yeah I've been looking all over for you. Do you know what space was like in the 12th century?"

"No." This was an awfully strange conversation.

"I don’t recommend it. Look break out of here. There is a weak link in the chain."

Static fingered the links and found one that could almost bend in half "Wow. How do you know that?"

"Duh I'm you twenty minutes from now. I think I know a little more about the situation then you."

"Why don't you let me out then? You can just zap me and-"

"I can't. It's against the Time Keeper's Code."

"Time Keeper's Code," Static shouted. What was this? Who knows what Karnage would do to him if he didn’t escape "I'm-"

"Trapped in the cell of an evil pirate ship. Trust me it's not as bad as it looks. You could be me."

" I am you. Come on." Why was he being being so weird and illogical? Static must have known he was in danger

"Look one day your escaping the time Pirates next You're down at the racetrack. And don’t say it won’t happen. It happened to Great Great Great Grandpa Edison"

"There aren’t any racetracks in Space. Let me out"

"I can't directly help unless you manipulate history. I can’t just go rescuing me all the time."

"I have to escape the-"

"Look just don't forget about the pipe."

"There's a pipe in here? I can escape this cell?"

"No but I gottta tell you..."

"What about it?"

"Well it's-"

The vision of himself was cut off

"Don’t what? Static. Hello?"

The future him was gone.

"Well at least I know how to escape out of here." He saw the pipe "It’s small but I can sneak through."

Static went about trying a way to split the weak link.

****

Jett walked out of the cockpit to talk to the others.

"I’ve set the course. The shuttle is going to fly itself. Now all we need to do is wait."

"Good work Jett." Oracle

"Hey Oracle I got a something suspicious on the long range."

"Long range?"

"Communication waves, indicative of someone chatting over subspace."

"The Vulture?"
"The only ship in the area besides the Iago."

"We can follow the waves right to the…"

"Wait." Flight paused her.

"What are you talking about the signal is fading."

Flight scratched his chin "Who are they talking to then?"

"I don’t know. But we got a link on their signals."

"Let’s snoop on them." Flight punched in a short code.

"Flight the signals will disappear if we don’t act now." Oracle scolded

"Play." He pressed the button.

A chorus of six year olds began singing "Happy Birthday" to a little boy named Nekobe,

"Well it sounds like the Time Pirates are having a birthday party." Flight said sarcastically.

"It’s not them." Oracle said "How did you figure it out?"

"Well the best place to have a conversation is a crowded room. These old wrecks are probably filled with old messages and such. If I were trying to hide. I would use the communication waves of the old wrecks and bounce them off each other. Like ping pong balls, creating antinodes. That could create a nice patch of quiet."

He punched up a graphic of the area and dotted lines scrolled across it "This chunk over here has no activity or signals or anything. Mighty suspicious if you ask me."

"Wow. We never would have guessed it if you hadn’t have been so nosey. I knew we had some reason to keep you around."

"That and Who would you give the title of biggest studmuffin on the team?"

"Jett lay in a course for the antinode."

"Yes Oracle. I’ll go get Random."

"If he can stand up. I’ve never seen anyone get so space sick." Oracle sighed.

"Ohh Poor guy."

"Just don’t ask him about." Flight called after her "He’s trying to play it cool. I tried to offer him a saltine but all he gave me was a dirty look."

She strolled down the hall to find Random.

"Flight and Oracle picked up the signals of the Star Vuture. We should be there any second"

Random’s brave words had lasted as long as it had taken to plot the course.

Random groaned sitting on the floor with his cape over his head trying to block out the hum of the starship.

"Good." Random said curtly.

"Trying a new fashion statement?"

"It’s none of your concern Jet. Please don’t worry about me. I will live."

"Come on you can tell me. I won’t tell Squirrel Scouts Honor." She held up her hand.

"If you haven’t noticed. I hate space travel. It makes me sick."

"Really I never would have guessed. Poor babe."

"The further I get away from Earth, the worse it hits me. As if my power is in the Earth itself."
"Do you miss your familiar? He is cute. Once I heard a legend that a demon couldn’t use it’s powers unless it was connected to the powers of the Earth. That is where the legend of burying vampires began."

"This is all Flight’s fault."

"I thought you demons loved to fly." Jett joked

"Not me. Reed can’t even handly an airplane. He travels worse than I do." Random said.

"I can’t imagine him being grumpy."

"I just want to get back on solid ground."

"Well, Here I know a trick." Jet smiled "Now babe roll up your sleeve. This will help with the naseau at least."

Random obeyed

"See you take it here. And squeeze this part of your forearm."

"I don’t see how this will work. The problem is in my stomach, not my arm."

"Give it a few more seconds."

She said squeezing the pressure point on her own arm.

"This works every time." Jett said "My dad taught me this when I used to get sick up in his favorite antique biplane. I know it works on ducks and mammals." Ooh that sounded attractive. Yeah why don’t you just bring out a picture of your father’s bunyons, she thought to herself

Random held his arm "Like this." He was almost sarcastic.

"Squeeze it though." She held his forearm and squeezed the pressure point.

Jet began babbling as the duck stared at her "Kills your taste buds. My dad could eat anything."

Random sat reluctantly letting her squeeze his arm, willing himself not to be frightened by her gentle ministrations. She was a gentle person he knew that. He was surprised she could touch him. Normally so many wouldn’t dare, because of the stigma of his great magic. He had knocked larger men unconcious for a casual touch. But she had a good grip on him and he didn’t even budge.

"You know I don’t let people touch me. It’s dangerous." Random said a little unnerved at the kindness he was recieving

"I trust you Random." Jett said.

"I would stop if I were you." Random said "I can’t even trust my own reactions."

"You’re not me."

She held her thumb into his arm even tighter. He tried to distract himself from the first instinct to blast her with a healthy dose of flametouch. He had to control himself or he might blast Jett across the room.

"Your eyes. Did you put a spell on them to make them that way?"

"Oh… um no."

"Some of the ladies in the demonverse would do that. Your eyes are like that naturally?"

"Yes." She giggled.

"Oh then. I guess they are supposed to be like that."

They kind of stared. Random had an unusual way of complimenting a girl.

"Am I making you uncomfortable Jetsy?"

"No. Dom."

They were trapped into a gaze.

"You know I think this is working."

"Yeah." Jett said. This was it. She went for all the marbles

Jett very delicately closed her head in closer to his thinking that maybe just maybe he would kiss her this time.

She closed her eyes and his head slowly craned to reach her lips and-

Voltaire burst out of his place in the hull.

"Say your prayers Jerk…" Voltaire stared "Well. Oh Pardon me for interuptting."

"Voltaire!" Random screamed.

"Don’t stop on my account. Go on you two kids. Young love."

Jett howled.

"Why is it every time I get ready to kiss a guy some alcoholic amphibean rockabilly samurai guy who looks like one of my best friends has to interupt me? Huh?"

He unsheathed his sword.

Random grabbed his scythe.

"Let’s go sweetbeak. I haven’t got long."

Random stood up.

"How did you get on the ship?"

"A little green fairy helped me. Goes by the name of the Great Gazoo."

He deflected that first blow.

"See now I gotta break that thing." Voltaire sighed casually.

Random tried to attack the superior swordsman. Forcing the pole of his scythe through the sword

Voltaire didn’t budge and the scythe got chopped it in half.

"Gotta love this baby." Voltaire smelt his Pokemon blade.

Random rolled out of the way. Tossing his blade aside regrouping for a more powerful magic attack. The space sickness was not helping his balance or his temperament. But for some reason Voltaire was content to toy with him. He tried to stand up as the creature hummed.

"Chantilly Lace and a pretty face. Pony tail hanging down…"

Random deftly ducked the tip of the sword. But it hacked off a buckle on his jacket, it fell off his shoulder. Random ducked again. Only to have three more buckles hacked off. Random had time to throw one punch. His shirt was falling off.

He tried to hold the half scythe pole and his shirt. Instead of letting it distract him he ripped it off . Voltaire’s eyes bulged.

Jet’s jaw dropped

Voltaire whistled "Impressive. Your mother fed you well."

"What are you staring at like that?" Random said defending himself feeling uncomfortable as the two gawked at him

"You." Voltaire said

Jett was turning bright red

"What?" Random lost track of what he was doing.

"But come on the old distract the villain with nice pecs is tired gag."

Random crossed his arms over his chest. Jett was staring at him too.

"I made a bet with myself that you had an inny belly button, and I guess either way I’m the winner here." The infuriating frog blinked his eyes coquettishly.

Random squeaked and covered his belly button.

"Stop looking at me like that you vile disgusting wretched pathetic lecherous old toad."

"Come on I’m not that old."

Random growled. This was a waste of time. He threw a fire ball at him.

"Those eyes, those ruffled feathers, those flaring nostrils. You are really cute when you’re mad."

Random blocked out his comment."

"Shut up and hold still you slippery eel." Random howled.

Random was about to make a water attack.

In the same time Voltaire kicked him in the head, with the full force of his frogs legs, straight towards the cockpit

"Random!"

The duck went hurtling through space somehow managing to hit his head on every single bulkhead in the shuttlecraft.

Voltaire stepped on his chest.

"I guess you are just a pretty face." Voltaire winked and patted him on the bill, and knocked him over

"Hey stop it. You you…. Leave him alone"

Jett saw Voltaire approaching.

"Oh you want a piece of me Chicky babe." Voltaire pointed his kitana at Jet’s neck. She backed up as fast as she could but stared right in his eye.

"You better not touch me. You might know Tail Chai or I’ll defeat you with the flawless art of…of Ci Yu."

"I ‘ve never heard of that." Voltaire

Jett held up her arms in an elaborate parody of a Quack fu movie she saw. He stared completely dumbfounded.She started doing the Quackfu yells

"Waa Kii ya-Bye Bye."

She pressed the button to seal the cockpit shut. The rat frog rammed his shoe in the door.

"See you Later." Jet stomped on his foot. And he fell back leaving his shoe.

Jett sighed "Crappe. I never thought that would work in real life." She panted.

At that second Voltaire stabbed his sword into the door of the cockpit, narrowly avoiding Jett’s head. She ran deeper into the cockpit towards the radio. She grabbed the radio

"Attention Red alert. Distress call to the USS Iago. We are under attack of the Green Fairy. We have wounded. Send help as soon as possible."

Oracle and Flight blocked his path towards Random.

Flight ran up to him and tried to punch him. Of course Voltaire grabbed it and quickly used the pressure points left exposed to freeze him in that position.

"We call that ‘To Make Stiff Like Ice’ It’s the second to last move taught in the Tail Chai."

Flight couldn’t even move his mouth. His wings flapped in a panic, being the only part still able to move freely.

"You know what the last move is?" Voltaire held up his index fingers. "The Final Silent Touch."

At this Voltaire felt his hat knocked off. Someone had thrown a keypad at his head.

Voltaire spun around and slid Flight’s stiff body across the floor, into Random.

"All right Grenouille. You’re going down."

"Is that a wish? Cause you got to be dreamin Cookie Puss."

Oracle engaged in the first defense position.

"Oh so Lil Miss Attitude knows the arts."

"The question is do you?" Oracle said "Pick on someone your own size."

Voltaire sheathed his blade. And placed it in the hand of paralyzed frozen Flight.

"Hold this man. I don’t kill girls."

"Come on let’s go." He engaged in the same defense position.

He grabbed her wrist. Instead of resisting and pulling away she followed the path of least resistance and knocked him over like a bowling pin.

"You know for a Tail Chai master you fight like a show off thug."

He reeled back. As she kept shoving him

He tried striking with his tail. She blocked it with her shin and then her elbow for the back slap.

Voltaire tried to kick her in the head. She ducked.

"My my. What a pretty kick!"

She threw herself on the ground and thrust his feet into his stomach. He fell up and over.

"I guess someone never told you that low kicks get the job done"

He lunged at her.

She flipped him by his armpit and leg held him, so he couldn’t escape.

"Squirm outta that, Frog." She flexed her legs, crunching his arm.

"Ouch." Voltaire winced. His tail flailed.

Flight groaned.

"Flight you okay?"

She dragged Voltaire over to where Flight was standing. Ever step she crunched his arm again.

"How do I take it off?"

"Slap him on the brain stem." Voltaire winced uncomfortably.

She let Voltaire fall over and stepped on his back so he wouldn’t squirm away.

"This better work Grenouille or Sputterspark or whatever you say your name is."

"Please call me Voltaire, ma cherie."

She slapped Flight in the back of the head.

"Ow… Quit it. All right I’m free."

"Get some handcuffs. I can’t keep him here forever."

"Wow You rock Oracle." Flight handed her the manacles. "You creamed him. How did you do that? All those guards couldn’t stop him."

"This guy is such a lazy show off, isn’t that right Voltaire? Anyone who had enough training could have beat him in a fair fight situation."

"I must admit. I’m a little out of practice when it comes to bouting." Voltaire grunted. "But Cookie Puss, this isn’t a bout. This is a fight. Gitchy gitchy gooo." He tickled her stomach.

Oracle chuckled and he squirmed away. Oracle snarled.

"So that’s where you’re ticklish?" Flight said.

Voltaire grabbed his sword again.

"You know I have been very reasonable up to this point." He took off his black glove "You took my guitar. Most would have died for less. But tell me where it is and I’ll let you live. Where is it?"

"You stowed away on our ship to get your Guitar back?"

"Yeah. And if I don’t get it back in five seconds. I’m taking down this entire ship."

"Must be one heckuva guitar."

"Oh yeah Gibson 3000, custom all the way. Autographed by the Main Man. Buddy Holly. I would have gotten a whammy board too but they hadn’t invented them yet."

He paced as the three surrounded him.

"You’re surrounded."

"But you must have forgotten who I really am. I’m Keeper of Time, and Keeper Of LIGHT."

"What does that mean?"

"It means, in layman’s terms" he walked towards the metal bulkhead "I can zap things. So See you screwballs in latersville."

"Where is that exactly?" Flight asked.

They all passed out as millions of volts coursed through the ship.

****

Voltaire steered the ship moderately well only crashing it into things three times.

This was the ship they were following. The Star Vulture, the only ship in the Martian Revolution. Why did he take that offer to kill Karnage? He had never felt this bad about a job. A boiling rich nauseau had grown in his gut ever since for the whole situation. In a few moments he could probably kill Karnage, or find out who he really was. And he had these people to thank.

Voltaire pulled into the transport bay of Star Vulture. It was silent. So silent. He drew his kitana and crept into the hall. He walked past the sleeping quarters lying empty.

He walked down the spartan grey halls with a blue light strip constantly shining. He came across his first door and kicked at it. He couldn’t risk putting his guard down long enough to depress the lock button. It was a quiet rather empty galley.

He looked at the garbage in the galley. But it couldn’t be. Voltaire took a second look. A wooden shape.

"Oh no." His heart dropped into his stomach. "Say it ain’t so?"

He dove into the garbage and ripped the guitar out of the trash

"Buddy, baby."

He was scorched. The frets were warped. The E string was split. And he was covered in grey stew.

He wailed.

"Oh my baby." He cuddled the guitar "Who did this to you? Speak to me Buddy."

He strummed on him and a horrific death squeal of the guitar.

"Oh my Buddy."

His old friend more than a guitar, whom he had shared so many moments of pain and joy.

"Ooh. There’s going to be a whole lot a shaking going on in this coop when I find that sicko. That’s it the Jacket is coming off."

He ripped off the wool blazer setting it on the galley’s counter. He went hopping maniacally looking for Static.

****

The blackness faded, Oracle and Flight were roused to consciousness. The Time Pirates stood in a circle around them as they woke up.

They heard voices.

"How did it get through the docking doors? They must have short cirucited."

"It looks pretty new for a wreck."

"Maybe it will have some supplies we can salvage."

 "Who’s that?" Random roused to wakefulness. His demon healing powers were still quite strong despite his weakened power. Apparently the cure for space sickness was being kicked in the head and smacking you head into many bulkheads.

A small crew entered the room they were in. Three members.

"Well look who’s here. Hello. How y’all doing?" The red haired bear said most gentlemanly.

Thorne blinked her venus flytrap eyes "I knew felt a presence on this ship."

Flight screamed as he saw her face "Yuck. Not a sight I want to wake up to in the morning

"Well well well. If it isn’t the Future Ones." Frappe cracked his mittens.

"Where’s that sneak Grenouille? The rat-frog guy." Flight said.

"Looks like he gift wrapped you. How lovely." Brian said.

Flight and Oracle backed into the corner.

Frappe approached "This is our turf now."

"I drink little Chocolate milkshakes like you for breakfast." Flight said.

"Right."

"I suggest you come along peacefully back to the Vulture. Or we’re gonna have to get tough." The bear said.

"Look guys we beat you before. We’ll take you any day of the week."

***

Flight blinked as the steel barred door slammed in his face.

"I hate it when I’m wrong."

Random itched at the place where the iron touched his wrists.

"I don’t know if iron works on demons like it does on Fairies and elves. But I’m willing to try it out." Frappe said " Don’t get too comfy. You three."

"Well we found the Star Vulture." Oracle said.

Static glared at Flight, from the next cell

"Static we found you. You’re… in the jail. WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN JAIL?"

Static continued glowering, silently his single remaining green contact popping out. His blue eyes staring horribly.

"What’s a matter you couldn’t pretend to be Voltaire for even a day? Dude." Flight said

"Flight?" Static said in a voice that would melt a puppy with it’s over powering saccharince quality. Flight became very nervous.

"Yes"

"Come a little closer. I’m a little tied up at the moment."

Flight inched closer.

"Closer."

He tiptoed to the edge of the cell.

Static smacked him upside the head with his tail.

"If I ever ever get out of here. I’m going to make you into Peking Duck."

"So you got discovered?" Flight chuckled nervously. Pulling back.

"Oh Yes." Static continued in the same creepy voice.

Static tried to hop in the chair he was chained to. But it was too heavy, fortunately for Flight.

"You want to guess how they discovered." Static snarled a little more canine sounding than normal.

"Um…"

"Don Karnage kissed me that’s how. They knew I wasn’t Voltaire, and Don Karnage- ewww. I don’t even want to say it."

"Calm down buddy."

"Calm down? CALM DOWN! Did Don Karnage kiss you? Oh no. You just had this big stupid plan and didn’t even consider what Tanakai meant. It could have meant friend or battle brother or anything and you didn’t even look it up."

"Don’t get so worked up about it. What did he have cigar breath? A kiss doesn’t mean anything, feeh. If I counted all the times I’ve been kissed by another guy… It’s an old world custom, they do it in Europe."

"This wasn’t that kind of kiss. Flight."

"Like on the cheek? My grandpa Drake used to always kiss me on the cheek. And his breath always tasted like cheetos. I hated that."

" Grandpa Drake… If your Grandpa Drake kissed you like that you have more issues than I do."

"What are you talking about?"

"He. Kissed. Me. Flight."

"Wait, on the lips?" Flight asked.

"He rammed his tongue down my throat and did wiggly things, not a grandpa kiss."

Flight took a step back.

"You mean he KISSED you, kissed you not just Kissed you." Flight asked.

"Yes. And I also found out what Tanakai means. It means Boyfriend. BOYFRIEND BOYFRIEND."

"Oh." Flight chuckled. "I guess it is the 020’s. Well that’s really… wow. He kissed you? Wow. You’d think having an eye patch would make you a chick magnet. Real ladies mans or something. But Wow." Flight sat down muttering to himself.

"He isn’t going to marry you or anything like that." Flight asked.

"No."

"You two didn’t-"

"Oh my god… No. He didn’t touch me or that. He’s way too much of gentleman. He just… kissed me."

"Well good. Then we don’t have to worry about it."

"You know if my hands were chained, I’d zap you into next Thursday." Static howled.

"Hey but pal. Look on the bright side. At least your first kiss from a guy was a hunk."

"WHAT?"
"Come on. If I had to be kissed by a guy for some reason-

"I was and the reason was YOU." Static screamed.

"I’d much rather have it be someone like Don Karnage than our janitor, Sven Vipervindows."

Static was too emotionally fragile to respond to that logic.

" Flight, Do you realize that when you speak, the thoughts inside of your head can be heard?" Static sighed.

Flight looked over to Random.

"Random, man to man. Say you’re a chick. Who would you rather be kissed by?"

"hOw wiLL wE eScaPE?" Random began to howl.

"Look Random I’m trying to cheer up Static. If you haven’t heard. Don Karnage kissed him and-"

Random growled his eyes glowed black.

"If he dishonored you in anyway-"

"No. You guys are sick. He just kissed me."

Random stared at Flight.

"Flight, your utter lack of priorities is refreshing and amusing to me." Random said

"Oh thanks a lot Flight." Static whined. "Why don’t you tell the whole freaking world?"

"Look there are worst things…. You tell’em Random."

"I’ve seen a man’s soul ripped from his body followed by his pancreas and his heart."

"Yeah. Random that was helpful. Scary, but helpful…."

"Well thanks for the advice, you two. You two should get your own column. Idiot and Dr. Dread."

Flight threw his arm around Static "We’re just trying to make you feel better. It’s not like it was your first kiss or anything. I mean, heck it’s no big…"

Static glared hurtfully up at him. "What do you know?"

The teen hopped off moodily.

"You’ve never been kissed before. Oh Static man… That is a tough…" Flight winced.

"Okay Okay fine. Yes. I’ve never been kissed. Okay happy?"

"Wait a second…But you’re like fifteen or…" Flight decided to abandon that point.

"Look I don’t want to talk about it. You don’t get the opportunity to date a lot of girls when you are a zombie slave of a tyrannical madman."

"Oooh. Sorry."

Static gazed wistfully out the window.

"You get one chance at your first kiss. I mean you see it in all the old videos and the holeos and you want it to be just right, and I was grabbed by a vicious space pirate who rammed his tongue down my throat and threw me in jail."

"Look Buddy if you need to talk about it. Please …leave me out of it. Talk to Random, he’s used to this weird bizarre stuff."

"Thank you ever so much. I’m going to go brood now." Static said. Turning around.

Flight sighed. Kids. He shouted over to the adjacent cell.

"Hey Oracle you’re a chick right. Who would you rather kiss? Don Karnage or- Oracle."

Oracle was gone.

"You guys haven’t escaped yet?" Oracle said incredulously, hanging from the ceiling, having already broke out of her cell, her mouth muffled with the keys to Random’s chains. She unlocked his chains.

"We were comforting Sputterspark. Don Karnage kissed him."

"Oh. Kissed him? He didn’t-" Oracle said indignant.

"It was just a kiss." Random said disgusted at how overblown it was. "I’ve seen things that would make that kiss look like a blessing from the gods. Let us escape."

"Look lets try to find a way to get to get Static out of that cell."

"Flight cover for us."

"What?"

"Stay here and distract the guards." Oracle said

"But… Don’t you."

"This is all your fault. Stay here and maybe we’ll rescue you. I’ve got to find a key or something to set Static free."

***

Static felt his chains bust. He broke free.

"All right, I’m free."

"Yeah now you can…"

"See you later Flight."

"But Static."

"Tell the others I found an escape route and I’ll try to meet them on the other side.

He headed directly towards the pipe his Future self pointed out. "Thank you Static."

He crawled into the pipe.

*****

"Hey Guys. Chow time." The Bear guy.

"Great I’m starved."

He looked at the food.

"Chicken or Fish."

"Fish."

"No I mean I can’t tell. It has fins on it."

"Eugh."

"Well sorry." Brian said "We’re not exactly riding high on the hog. Maybe if we were a fancy pants SHUSH funded Covert Ops squad we could get decent food too."

He sat down. Flight had to find some way to distract the bear. He sounded like a real redneck.

"Say how about those Braves? Huh 4-0 in the."

"I don’t watch baseball."

"Really."

The bear pulled out a huge book with thin pages. A battered copy of some old Russian novel or pyschology book. This guy probably thought he was really smart, probably was.

"Okay I gotta question for you? You’re a time pirate right?"

"Wow You are one sharp tack." Brian said sarcastically "Well keep up this stirring query into the human conscious."

"Would you rather be kissed by Don Karnage or an old ugly Janitor named Sven?"

"Why would Karn kiss me? I’m not queer."

"Hey, I know that bud."

"This isn’t some weird kind of come on? Cause I’m not interested in-" Brian asked.

"Hey. No, I’m not…Look at this. I’m a stud." Flight shook his head "Look It doesn’t matter why or how. It’s a hypothetical situation. You know like the tree falling in the woods riddle."

"There’s no such thing as a hypothetical situation. I’d have to know the circumstances."

"Okay. Say you are kidnapped by a race of evil Toaster Waffles you know like on Star Blekk TNG. And they have this lust ray or whatever. You know like that first interspecies kiss on television between Captain James Cork and Lt.Youheara. And you had to pick one person to zap and get kissed by that person. Who would you pick?"

"Star Blekk? Oh yeah, Isn’t that like Fish Gordon or Danger Woman? Star Blekk After my time."

"It was a Danger Woman Plot, whatever."

The Bear pontificated.

"Oh well the Janitor. I don’t wanna cause any interoffice politics. And besides lets say I found out I was queer. How could I be sure if I kiss a guy as good looking as the Captain on the other hand I might have unresolved subconscious atraction to him as my commander and my savior. On the other hand It would be easier to get my hands on Karn considering we have no janitor on the Vulture… Hmm. This is a tough one. This is like one of them zen koans."

"I know. It’s impossible."

Brian sat thinking for about another three seconds

"Hey Wait a second. What are you trying to pull?"

He turned around and scanned the cells

"Where’d the demon guy go?"

"Um He has shadow hiding powers."

"Shadow hiding powers?" Brian crossed his arms.

"You can’t see him in the shadows." Flight said.

"That’s a load of bull gunk." Brian picked up a rock and threw it at the place in the cell.

Oracle panicked.

Flight threw his voice in a pathetic approximation of his voice.

" You’ll never get away with this you dumb pirate. I’ll suck your eyeballss"

Brian stared at him, before heading to the cell.

"All right Question Boy. You have thirty seconds before I come in there and introduce your teeth to the edge of my foot. Now Where did they go?"

Oracle took control of Brian’s mind.

"I’m here in the next cell." She whispered using an illusion.

"No you’re not." Brian questioned.

He was extremely intelligent. She created a vision of herself.

"Yes I am. You can’t see me. It’s too dark."

"You weren’t there two seconds ago." Brian said. He was about to touch the vision of Oracle to make sure she was there.

"Man you must be tired. I see them just fine." Flight slapped him on the back.

He blinked his eyes

"I didn’t see ya. Move up to the front of the cell." Brian said rubbing his eyes. "You could knock me over with a feather."

"Okay." Oracle whispered.

"Well don’t do it again." Brian said trying to adjust his eyes.

"Oracle doesn’t want hers." Flight grabbed the extra plate.

"I’m not hungry." Oracle whispered.

"You know you’re going to have to eat sometime. Even if it is this stuff." He took a forkful and grimaced. "Even a Cape Suzzette culinary genius like myself can’t work miracles. Big Ole Papa bear couldn’t live on this stuff."

He chawed on the fork staring suspiciously on his fork

"Well I’ve cooked for big families all my life. It’s just normally I had meat and vegetables. Not-"

"I think it’s a sea cucumber." Flight stabbed it again.

"Real funny guy."

"What funny in ‘lets commit savage prison beating to shut him up’ way or a ‘let’s free him out because he’s so cool’ way."

"Eat the food."

Brian kept staring at the empty cell.

"You sure your lady friend is all right."

"Yeah. She’s just quiet."

"I’ve got my eye on you." Brian spoke to the empty cell. "You’ll be back on Earth in another few hours."

"You’re bringing us back?"

"Look we can barely feed ourselves. We don’t need to waste our time caring for a bunch of prisoners. Like my Big Ole Papa bear used to say The more you open your mouth, the more food just happens to fall in."

"What does that mean?"

"I don’t know. He was southern."

Flight couldn’t help feeling a connection with this hot tempered little book worm. There was something so familiar about him. The way his green eyes would screw up in frustration, his brilliant red hair. If he didn’t know better he’d say this bear reminded him of his Aunty Gosalyn. But that was ridiculous. She’d been dead for a long time. Those green eyes… Just like Katrina… and even Gloria.

"But your friend is not sounding right. She’s not making any breathing noises. I’m checking on her."

"Look, don’t he’s just…"

Flight noticed something

"Whoa. You got webbed feet."
The bear turned around and gave him a look that could kill.

"And what pray tell do you mean by that?"

"It’s just-"

"Of course I got web feet my mother was a duck. Do you think I got better things to do than come down here and get insulted by some scurvy lousy duck. I had the common courtesy to ignore those two wings on your back. And y’all come insult my feet."

"Look it’s just weird I-"

"So what does that make me huh? A freak something you can stare at well…You son of a-"

The bear lunged on the bars.

"I should whoop your sorry tail feathers from here to-"

Thorn approached.

"Brian. Calm down."

"This no good son of gun. I’m going to-"

"I just never seen a bear with webbed feet before." Flight said

"He didn’t mean to insult you Brian. And I can tell. Just go talk to Frappe."

"Hope you choke." Brian said kicking the tray and storming off.

Thorne sat down.

"You have to excuse his temper. In his era, in 1951 he was persecuted for his hybrid traits. His mother was killed when a hateful man purposefully ran him over with his truck. He is sensitive."

"Well what a surprise. Speciesm is still alive and well in my time too." Flight said.

Thorne stood up.

"Well approach Earth in an hour."

"So your just sending us back."

"Of course not. Karnage is planning to use you as the bargaining chip to gain admittance to argue the Corporation case before the Galactic Council of Free Worlds."

"SHUSH will not comply with the demands of terrorists." Flight said

"Since when is search and rescue count as Terrorism. If the Star Vulture hadn’t found you, you would have starved. The cells are for our protection. You tried to attack us when we found you. Most of the real space pirates would have sent you back to Mars in a slave ship."

Thorne sighed.

"The Captain always thinks that the Corporation can be dealt with peacefully. He’s tried this before. Every time the prisoners escape and add fuel to the fire. Every day SHUSH becomes more suspicious of us."

"Thorne."

"Please call me Frankie."

"All right Frankie. And tell Brian I’m sorry. I’m the last guy who should bust on anyone for being different."

"I will Flight."

Thorne was about to walk off until she felt the strangest emotion. She looked back in the cell. It wasn’t coming from Flight. It was from a person she had never felt before. She gasped at the intensity and purity of his pain, coursing through her. She had felt few it few times when it related to sane people. Normally such passions drove people mad.

Under this current she tasted the bitter fear of a soft but strong presence she recognized.

Static was in trouble.

****

Don Karnage found himself wandering towards the cell again. He looked so much like him. But the way he shrank back every time he approached. It was so strange and so familiar. How could Voltaire ever react to him like that?

"Static Sputterspark."

He looked into the cell. It was empty.

Perhaps they had underestimated the imposter. He had escaped chains.

"Thorne! Frappe! Static is gone."

"What? We had him chained." Brian said.

"That’s nothing The Empath and the Wizard are gone too." Frappe smirked.

"What?"

"Hey don’t look at me. I chucked a rock at him. I saw her in the cell."

"Well whatever invisible man you chucked a rock at their gone now." Thorne said

"At least I didn’t try to cosy up to him. ‘Call me Frankie.’"

"At least I didn’t try to beat him up."

"Regardless." Karnage cut them off "Let’s just find them."

"There is something wrong with this. I feel an extra presence. One I don’t recognize. And if I didn’t know any better I’d say it has Static, but Static is there too."

"Show me where. Frappe and Brian you go look for the other one."

"It’s got to be Voltaire guy." Flight said. "Man if that guy hurts Static I’ll show him what he can put his tail."

"What do you know about Voltaire? It was just something Static lied about it."

"He didn’t lie about Voltaire. That guy is bad news. He broke into SHUSH by himself."

"Could Voltaire do something like that?" Thorne said.

"He’s a good warrior and all, but who would be stupid enough to let him in."

"He’s the one that left us here." Flight said.

Don Karnage ran to the bars.

"I have had enough with this Voltaire nonsense. He is dead."

He grabbed the bar.

"HE IS DEAD." He slammed his fist against the wall.

The pirates stared at him.

"Justin what if-" Thorn said. She was the only person who could have.

He made a strange noise neither a howl or a cry. And grabbed her shoulder.

He blew past her, and began weeping.

****

Don Karnage felt more comfortable in such a state curled up and hidden. In the bowels of the ship he doubted that even the gods would notice him bawling. His tears were calming as he crawled in the tubes. The whirr of the engine drowning out his petty concerns. His fragile state.

He had failed. His ship was crawling with SHUSH mercenaries, his crew depending on his strength and all he could think about was the spy with his lover’s face. He ripped off his eyepatch and struggled to breathe.

He still hadn’t learned to control his fear, his anger, anything. Losing Voltaire had only shut him up, ready to explode. Voltaire was the only one who he could show himself. No one could see the real Justin without pitying him.

So often as a youth a Martian would be praised for being such a fine warrior, he could outfight the best of them. Besides Voltaire. But without the sword down he would crumble into the most indulgent and pathetic tears. Tears of a spoiled infant. Voltaire sat through them all.

His father tried everything to try to stop his tears. Mainly religion, trying to teach him what was shameful before the gods. For a while Justin had learned to pray instead of weep. Before everything had happened. Love, death, oblivion, isolation, revolution.

Don Karnage heard a noise. He wiped his eyes and crawled along to the source.

Static snuck down the pipe

They stared at each other

"Oh great. Don Karnage. Don’t use the pipe. That’s what he was saying."

"Well there you are." His eyes glittered with tears. "I knew I would catch you here." It had been a lie.

Don Karnage lazily drew his dagger.

"Make your peace."

"Look Karnage. I have to apologize. My behavior was horrible. If it makes you feel any better, "

"Nothing you could do. Unless you could change the past."

He stabbed the section of pipe next to his hand.

"But that’s what the Sputtersparks do. That’s what they forced him to do. Before he was ready. The Oblivion destroyed his spirit."

"Why shouldn’t I just threaten to wring your scrawny little neck right here unless you bring him back."

Static realized he was at the complete mercy of this fox. There was no escape. Not even time. He shrunk back and closed his eyes, saying the first thing that came to his mind.

"Were you crying?"

"It’s none of your concern."

"It’s okay…"

Don Karnage jerked his head away. Static touched his shoulder.

"When my Dad disappeared I used to… heck I still cry."

"And no one taught you any better?" Don Karnage grinned "You Earthlings… Voltaire said that the gods didn’t care if you cried. They would love you anyway. Maybe his god."

"Well Static, it appears I can spare your life. But why?"

"Don Karnage listen to me. I tried to freeze him with it. But it didn’t work he just shook it off. Voltaire he’s a Sputterspark."

"This is my ship. I should throw you out the nearest airlock for disgracing the name of my Tanakai."

"Look Karnage how many times do I have to tell you this guy might be your Voltaire."

"I can’t believe it."

"Mister Karnage. You could probably kick my butt anyway for insulting you and Voltaire. And you haven’t. Why would I lie to you and make you even more angry?"

"Well it’s not because you are an excellent spy."
"I wasn’t a spy I was bait."

"Bait?"

"No one in the entire world would have expected Don Karnage to risk his life for another person like that. Not Oracle, not Noelle Muddlefoot, not anyone. But you came to rescue him. Even if he was me. You love Voltaire."

"I loved him. I love him beyond the grave. But I can’t delude myself. If he was alive why hasn’t he come back. If I lost his favor it would be better I were dead."

"He’s out there. It will all work out." Static said.

"You know Static, you have a very foolhardy way to go about trying to convince me not to kill you."

"You just need to know."

"It worked." Don Karnage sheathed his dagger.

"If anyone ever tells you are without courage, they are a fool." Don Karnage said standing up. "You would rather stand face the truth than most battle and curse the world in a shade of lies. That is the greatest courage of all. To tell yourself the truth."

Static stood tall

"Thank you Karnage."

"Now get the pluck of my ship you worthless piece of scum. Before you get caught."

"Of course you’re trapped. If you crawl down a hole into a space ship eventually you’re going to run out of space to run. Stand up and fight like a man."

"You’re right. I’m going to kick his little… butt."

***

It was an average day on the Salvage ship. Nutsy, a dim looking buzzard, sighed and yawned and looked over at his itchy fingered brother Trigger.

"Trigger I is so bored. Isn’t there something we all can do besides cards? There’s nothing up in this ship."

"Nonsense. There’s got to be some new ship out here. New salvage."

"Yawn."

They heard a groan.

"What was that?" Trigger pulled his blaster out. "Old Betsy will take care of it."

Jet groaned and stood

"A woman."

"Man. Where is everyone? It’s so dark." Jet groaned.

The two turkey buzzards stared.

"Well what y’all doing on this wreck, pretty lady?" Nutsy said.

"Now Don’t y’all move. Who are you and what are you doing on our salvage?"

"Put that down Trigger. You’ll set off the alarm."

"The safety’s on." He patted it and the laser bolts ricocheted everywhere. The alarms blared.

"I’m Agent Jett McQuack." She pounded on the keys until the alarm stopped. "Where are the other Future Ones?"

"Others? We’re surprised we found you here."

Nutsy took off his space helmet and slicked back his feathers.

"Where y’all from then? Pretty little Duck like you."

"From the USS Iago outside of the Graveyard." Jett said as the ugly buzzard stared at her moonily.

"Quit your courting Nutsy, I don’t trust ya. Who hangs around a broken up shuttlecraft"

"Please I’ve got to return to the Iago. It’s a matter of life or death. My friends have vanished after being attacked by the Green Fairy."

"Green Fairy. Run."

"Nutsy the Green Fairy is gon."

"We were chasing the Timepirates."

"Time Pirates!"

"Well why didn’t you tell us? We’ll take y’all back."

"We’re gonna get killeded."

"You’re the one who was bored."

Trigger stared at Jett. You can sit up next to Nutsy."

The buzzard chortled.

"How about I sit with the cargo?"

"Now don’t be shy. I don’t bite." Nutsy said

"This is going to be a long trip." Jett said.

****

Static leapt out of the pipe.

"Ah hah. I’m free. That pipe worked as a perfect escape route. Maybe my future self knew I would get past Karnage and was telling me to…"

"Hello Bbububububaby." A voice droned.

"Oh no." Static looked over head and saw Voltaire sticking to the ceiling.

"It’s me. You remember me. The guy you’re pretending to be. How you doing so far?"

"Voltaire."

"The one and only, lightning bug."

"Well Hi."

"And goodbye."

"What no Voltaire…"

Static ducked without thinking. The sword gouged into the wall.

"It’s nothing personal kid. I just don’t think you deserve to live."

"Well that seems a little personal to me."

"Well I’m just acting on my genetic proclivities. I’m a Sputterspark, and in this line of work there is no difference between personal and professional. Huh the old Sputterspark cut and paste huh. Just editing reality for the benefit of the few and priviledged and not caring who you kill. Because that’s what we do, Kill."

"I didn’t kill anyone."

"You didn’t slice anyone open with a kitana you mean. And who knows what you’ll have to do when you grow up. You might be the jerk who killed my mother and not even know it. But all I know is you’re gonna die."

"Next time I’m not using that pipe."

Static tripped over himself and crawled into the corner.

"You’re sorry that you destroyed my life. That you shattered my hopes at a normal cognizance. That you tried to steal my essence. That you tried to take ever thing I love and utterly twist it into a big joke."

"I’m sorry."

"Apology accepted." Voltaire drew his sword. "Like I said this isn’t personal. But someone has to stop you."

Static tripped over himself trying to run away.

"I can’t believe you tried to take him from me. You abused him so horribly."

"Look I feel really really really bad about Don Karnage. I mean Justin"

Voltaire stopped.

"Justin?"

"Um…" Static gulped

"I was talking about my guitar. What are you talking about Justin?"

"I- I –I…."

"Is that it huh? I was right Justin is Don Karnage."

"Yes yes, heheh. You were right. Good move. You are so smart… now move your sword…Now I’m sure you…" The sword was still pointed at his throat.

Voltaire placed it down. Static took a deep breath of relief. But the sword immediately returned to his neck.

"Then what have you done to my tatame?" Voltaire howled.

"What I’d thought you’d be happy that-"

"Happy? Oh I’ll give you happy. What have you done to him? And I better like the answers or this time I’ll make it hurt." The rat frog cracked his knuckles

"But but I thought you’d. You said this isn’t personal…"

For the first time, they were sure that Voltaire was angry, but he was making up for it.

"See this is Personal. You’ve made it personal"

Static ducked "No No. I didn’t do anything. It’s not my fault he kissed me."

"You kissed my tatame?"

"I-I-I-"

"You filthy disgusting slugspawned geek kissed my Justin?!!!"

"Look he was trying to scare me off. And I’ll bet he didn’t even like it that much."

Voltaire took the blade above his head and blue-green bolts sparked off of it. As if it was a lightning rod.

Voltaire swelled to a ridiculous size. His eyes blazing green and red.

"You are soooo Fish food."

 (

"Okay Okay I got it. If I warn myself like I did last time then I can escape. I'll find another way to break out. That way Voltaire won't skewer me." He rubbed on his watch "Come on baby."

"Static. Ollie Ollie Oxen free."

Voltaire came hopping down the hall. Viciously fast. Spurred on by his unspeakable rage.

Static closed his eyes disappeared in a flash.

Static looked up. He was floating in the vaccuum of space. No trash anywhere.

He blew the air out of his stomach so his lungs wouldn't crush.

His lungs felt like they would get sucked apart.

His lungs was bursting.

His cheeks hurt from blowing up.

His brain tried to calculate velocity of the ship in ratio to it trajectory as little blue birds started flying into his field of vision.

"I say Maudlin. It appears the old boy is suffering oxygen deprivation." The bluebird said in an English accent

The raboctopus sipped her tea "My word he's only been without air for a minute. In our day we could go without air for at least four before we hallucinated."

"Rather."

Static ignored his delusions mocking him and pounded on the watch. He vanished in a flash again.

He crashed to the ground. Gravity. He had made it to the ship. He sighed. Sucking in precious air pulling himself up.

The bluebird sat on his face "Oh now he has his oxygen. Mr. ‘I can breath comfortable’ He's too good for us hallucinations."

"Sorry Mr. Bluebird. You're a perfectly good..."

"No no. I know when I'm not wanted. Come along Maudlin." The Bluebird faded into mist.

"Wait come back." The hallucination faded.

He rested his head.

"I'm here and I'm safe." Static kissed the bulkhead.

Static was sitting watching himself chained up. "Hey you're me."

"Yeah I've been looking all over for you. Do you know what space was like in the 12th century?" Static panted

"No." Static gave himself a funny look

"I don’t recommend it. Look break out of here. There is a weak link in the chain."

"Wow. How do you know that?" The previous him said vaguely

"Duh I'm you twenty minutes from now. I think I know a little more about the situation then you." He was such a dink sometimes.

"Why don't you let me out then? You can just zap me and-"

Static stared. This wasn't how he remembered it. Already he was taking an unfair advantage. What if he let himself out and he got killed. Well he'd probably be dead in a few seconds anyway. But at least he knew where he was going. He could warn himself

"I can't. It's against the Time Keeper's Code."

"Time Keeper's Code, I'm-"

"Trapped in the cell of an evil pirate ship. Trust me it's not as bad as it looks. You could be me."

"I am you. Come on."

"Look one day your escaping the time Pirates next You're down at the racetrack. And don’t say it won’t happen. It happened to Great Great Grandpa Edison"

"There aren’t any racetracks in Space. Let me out."

"I can't directly help unless you manipulate history. I can’t just go rescuing me all the time."

"I have to escape the-"

This was the single most frustrating conversation he had ever had. Why shouldn't he save himself? It wasn't fair. I mean if he had flying powers or something. Why was everything so hard?

Why had he even come here in the first place? Then he remembered.

"Look just don't forget about the pipe."

"There's a pipe in here? I can escape this cell?" His old self asked hopefully.

"I gottta tell you..."

"What about it?"

"Well it's-"

Static felt a tap on his shoulder and felt himself being yanked back in to the present.

"Bad Form Static. No fair giving yourself the advantage." Voltaire grabbed him by the throat.

"Voltaire." Static gagged.

"One day your saving yourself from a meglomaniacal nutcase. Next you're giving yourself racing results. Just like Great Great Great Grandpa Edison."

"Look Voltaire I didn’t save myself. I was going to but-"

"Yeah right. You know I can make your brain leak out of your eyes."

"Oh drat." Static said. "How did you find me?"

"Call it a horse sense." You don’t think that watch is solar powered. That it doesn’t leave any trace? That thing tears holes in the space time continuum. You think I can’t feel that?"

"You can feel time travel? That’s cool." Static grinned "I didn’t know you could-"

Voltaire yanked the watch away.

"uh oh."

"Time Traveling is a smell really, a rich scent. Everyone assumes it effects your sense of touch. Why do you think you smell something fishy?"

"Wow."

"Everytime you’ve used this little doohickey here." Voltaire chuckled unwholesomely "I mean…" he could barely talk.

Static backed into the wall.

"You don’t even have a clue do you?" He punched the sides around Static’s head.

He stared at the watch, and threw it into the wall.

"I’m almost sorry you couldn’t do better." Voltaire said. "Maybe then there’d be some hope. Maybe I could forgive you. But it all ends here."

Voltaire kissed his fingers.

Static collapsed and tried to crawl away. Voltaire might be able to kill with the right touch. But if he could get the right one he was helpless.

"Don’t you just hate it when the bad guy, tells the hero to hold still?" Voltaire said hissing.

Static’s brain whirred as Voltaire advanced his eyes glowing with an anger that he had placed there.

Voltaire followed him.

"If I survive I’m never going to forget this day."

Static’s eyes lit up.

"That’s it."

Static looked all around the room and ingrained every detail he could in the room.

Static was having an average day. He got up and had breakfast. It was his day off, so he was lazing around sleeping until his later practice with Master Ryuu.

He strangely had the impression he was forgetting something. He shrugged it off, after getting tea biscuits and heading down to practice.

He warmed up and was just ready to get into some deep practice.

"Static what are you still doing here?"

"It’s my day off."

"Static. Did you check your refridgerator today?"

"Why?"

"Oh, I remember. You have to go save yourself." Master Ryuu said.

"Holy Ravs." Static ran to his room to get his watch.

He crammed the biscuit in his mouth and hoped he wouldn’t show up late like last time….

*****