BUNS
My girlfriend says i have the ass of a 70 yr old japanese soldier -is that good??? Nancer
Dave says: One may suggest that the Japanese are the most inscrutable race, so one can only see your ass as a good thing. The thing which would worry me is that your girlfriend knows what a 70 yr old Japanese soldiers ass looks like, which I think you might have to do some big question asking.....
CLIT
I believe an erect clitoris challanges male authority and destroys crops - am i wrong?? Nancer
Dave says: You are partly right as scientists working in The University of Omaha have recently discovered that crop circles are more prevelent where there is a higher proportion of women with erect clitorises. In order to to avoid crop spoilage spray the erect clitoris with pesticide,this should take effect in 6 - 8 weeks. As for challenging male authority , the clitoris is not the problem there!
PLANET ZOG
Help me please O Wise One.I'm delusional. I used to think I was a lucky aunt. Nice boys and girls' all of them- well nearly all of them and now I've just found out that besides christians I have to put up with someone who's clearly from the planet Zog.Mind you looking at that photo maybe I as found on a doorstep. - No family resemblance.funnily enough its still happening- but I do not wish to get too sordid.Do you think a Buddhist would be able to juggle lobsters, how do I disown part of my family? Guiness Hat Bod
Dave says: It seems at your family is Idyllic especially your relative from the planet Zog. That person must make you smile with his out of this world wittisms, I'm sure it would affect me so. Anyway juggling obster is a time honoured tradition in many parts of the far east, as long as ou stick to your Buddhist belief and do it underwater so that the lobsters in question do not hurt there little bods. As for disowning parts of the family I always find going round to said family members houses and preetending your Napolean works wonders.
IN LAW TROUBLE
Hi ya dave the saying goes wicked mother in laws. Well mine is the father in law. He is very interfering and controlling. It feels like I am married to him not to my husbaned whom I have been with for 10yrs. I have already had big arguments with him over several topics and if I was a male I know he would of probably punched me one. I still have respect for him and treat him with respect. And I have pointed this out to him before but he just thinks I am a bitch and I will do what I want to do anyway whether it be right or wrong. He can’t stop telling us how to live our life and gets into personal matters such a finance etc..I am 27 and my husband is 29. When will he leave us alone and how can I make him stop hasseling us and to just let us be and get on with our own lives. Help help help
Dave says: Blimey! there are three ways to go about things here.. 1) put up witrh this meddlesome oaf. 2) force your husband into doing something "for better or worse". and the mopst difficult one is 3) read up on CIA thought conditioning techniques and practise them on both your father in law and also your husband to give him some more spine. I know that for this you need to be well versed in sensory deprivation and other such things