You're a magician?
Me? No. But I can do magic. You don't believe me? Would you care for a demonstration?
Wha...hey!
Sorry, did that startle you?
Yes!
I didn't think the coffee shop was quite the place. This theatre is far more...suitable.
No audience?
No, no audience - unless you'd prefer one? We could put on a little show.
We?
Yes, we. You could be my assistant. Why is it funny? I think you just need
to get into the role.
If you say so.
What should the assistant wear?
Sequins!
Yeah, I guess sequins would figure. And fishnets...high heels...a velvet
corset...
You have it all worked out. Colours too?
Green. To match your eyes.
Are you flirting with me?
I hope so. First things first though. How does the costume sound?
I think it sounds very sexy.
I'm glad you like it - care to try it on?
Is it waiting in the changing rooms?
No need for a changing room.
Ah!
Are you okay? You look as if I gave you a heart attack.
My...my clothes...
Maybe the corset is a bit tight, but it looks great. You look great. And
you're blushing. I must have said something right.
I can't believe you did that. Wow...
So, do you feel more like a magician's assistant now?
Oh, yeah, just a little.
In that case, shall we try a little magic?
Going to pull a rabbit from a hat are we?
Er...no rabbits. Beside I don't have a hat. I was thinking of another famous
trick, one I'd need a brave and beautiful assistant to pull off.
What do you...oh. Sawing a woman in half?
That's the one.
You can't be serious
Of course I'm serious! I can transport you around and change your clothes
just by clicking my fingers - I think I can manage sawing you in half.
Well, even if you could, you'd need a box.
Just behind you. And, no, it wasn't there a minute ago.
How does it work?
What do you mean, how does it work? You lie there, I close the lids, drop
the stocks in, and saw across here. Simple.
You're serious.
Perfectly. Why don't you try it for size?
I guess I could see what it feels like.
Here, let me help you. Up you go. Comfortable?
Yeah. What's next?
The first stock goes across your ankles.
Can I do it?
Sure. Just line it up there...that's it. Slide it down. It should clip into
place at the bottom.
I can't move my feet!
That's the idea. Lie back, and I'll do the neck one. Put your head back.
That's it. I'll just brush your hair out of the way.
I think that was more a stroke than a brush.
Maybe... This slides into place just like the other one. Okay? Not too tight?
Good. Just one last thing...
Hey!
Sorry, I couldn't resist. You're very beautiful. Want me to let you out?
No...but don't even think about kissing me until I'm in one piece again.
No problem. Okay, side panels next, first legs...then hands. Wave to the
audience!
There is no audience.
Well, wave to the seats then!
This feels silly.
I think we're ready. What I need now is a saw.
Where did that come from?
You look so shocked. What, it's too sharp?
What are you laughing at?
I'm laughing because I think you'd object a lot more if I was to use a blunt
one! If you're going to look at me like that, I think I'll skip straight to
the next stage.
Oh!
Does it feel okay? It's just resting on you.
It's okay - I can feel the teeth poking through the fabric.
One last thing - fast or slow?
Fast or slow? You mean sawing? Slow.
Slow it is. Here we go...
Uhhhh...
How does it feel? You don't look as if it hurts.
It feels strange. Kind of warm and tingly.
Warm and tingly is good - should I keep going?
Yeah.
One more push should do it...there. You're in two.
This is the strangest thing I've ever... can I see the saw?
You want to see the saw? Here. There's no blood or anything.
What are those?
Threads...I think you'll find it's green velvet.
Wow. I... Oh. Are you going to seperate me now?
Now? If I seperate the boxes now your insides would fall out! Which is where
these come in handy.
More blades? Where those going?
Where do you think? I only see one cut. These are just dividers to keep from
spilling everything.
Okay, go ahead.
I'll do it slowly...just gently sliding it down...
Stop!
What's wrong?
It's freezing!
Sorry, I guess I should have warmed them. That's the first one over with
though.
I don't think I trust you to finish off. I want to do the second one.
I doubt you can reach far enough...maybe you can.
Come on, I want to do it.
Okay, here you go. The last one is all yours.
Ummmm... this is actually kind of fun.
You're enjoying this!
Oh, yeah...
Just let me undo the latches. One this side...and one this side. Ready?
Uh-huh.
A lady...divided! And the audience goes wild. Ready to move around a little?
I guess so.
On your left, an empty auditorium, on your right, your own disembodied legs...
Can I touch them?
Sure, reach right inside. Does that feel like your leg?
I can feel it - I can feel myself touching it!
Of course you can feel yourself touching it. It's your leg.
Can I see my feet?
Well, if we move around a bit further... I hope your feet don't smell.
Very funny.
Close enough?
Wonder if I'm still ticklish.
You can try tickling yourself, but it never works. I, on the other hand...
Wha...hey! Stoppit!
Enough?
Yes!
Sorry! What can I say, it's tradition. Ready to be restored?
You can put me together then?
I think so...
You think so?
Around we go. Sorry about the bump! I'm going to take the blades out. Count
of 3, okay? 1...2...
Ooooohhhh GOD! Bastard! You said count of three!
What can I say, I'm evil. That looked like a bit more than a shiver down
your spine.
Uh-huh... just a little. Am I back in one piece?
Let me get rid of the stocks and we'll see... feet... neck.
Your aim could be better. What did you break?
No idea, it can't have been valuable. Ta-da!
Not even a scratch...
Good as new! Hang on, I've an idea. Lie back for me.
What are you doing? Sawing me again?
It's a surprise! Go on, lie back. Okay, close your eyes...and up!
What's happening?
What do you think just happened?
Oh, god... I must be ten feet up!
Nine actually - I'm afraid I don't have a solid steel hoop to hand, otherwise
I'd pass one around you.
Get me down! Now!
Alright, just let me get this off the stage.
Hurry up!
Still hanging around?
YES!
Okay, okay...down you come...
Oh, that's better.
Sorry, I didn't realise you didn't like heights. I can put you the rest of
the way down if you want.
You don't want to hold onto me?
No, I don't mind.
Do you mind this?
Not at all. But I thought you didn't want to be kissed again?
I'm doing the kissing. See...
I guess that was more kissing than being kissed. If you're ready, I suppose
we should go back.
Back where?
Here.
Uh... that feels so strange.
Anyone would think you'd never seen a coffee shop before.
My clothes - they're back!
Did you really want to come back in a green corset and fishnets?
Was it... real?
As real as you want it to be.