Harry

Its August 2000 and Melchester Rovers have a pre-season friendly with Ernie Howe's Basingstoke Town. The local paper is overjoyed that Basingstoke have managed to attract such high profile opposition.

A big crowd has arrived at the Camrose to view the Premiership stars. The game kicks off and Ernie has set out his men to defend against Roy Race's hotshots. The crowd grow restless as Basingstoke Town graft out a tiresome 0-0 draw and boo each of the Melchester players as they leave the pitch..

Joe Appleby, the sports writer of the Basingstoke Gazette, is stuggling for words to write up the match. One wayward shot by Town hero Steve Harris is the best entertainment that could be described. As Joe is packing his laptop away and heading to the Harvester for a swift Staropraman he catches Roy Race about to board the team bus. "Roy" he asks "Joe Appleby, Basingstoke Gazette, can you tell me why with Ł74 million pounds worth of talent on the pitch could your side not manage a single shot"
"No comment"
"but Roy this morning you were in the paper saying that you expect to be in the Champions League next season and now your side struggle to muster a single worthwhile effort and got booed off by the Town supporters, what do you say to that."
"f*@# off"
" Now Roy I need an answer"
By now Joe is getting into his stride and the tension has got too much for Roy and he pushes Joe in the chest to make the way clear to get on the bus. Joe blocks Roy's path and then as if from no where Roy bends his back and launches a ferocious head butt. Joe is caught on the temple and is sent sprawling to the ground with blood pouring from his nose.

Roy proceeds to enter the bus and demands the driver leave Basingstoke for good. However, thinking quickly Joe, contacts PC Slater who mounts his bike and catches up with the team bus as it is about to move onto the M3. Slater requests that Race accompany him to the station.

After a brief questioning session Race is charged and bailed to appear before the Basingstoke magistrates in 7 days time. The story is headlines in the next friday's gazette and public humilation is greeted with glee by townsfolk who have nothing better to do but sneer at the misfortunes of the famous.

Seven days pass and it's a nervous Roy Race that makes his way back to Basingstoke. The case is heard and against all expectations the towns magistrates find Race innocent of all charges. Unbeknown to Appleby a certain brown paper bag had changed hands at Fleet Services and PC Slater was now quite a wealthy man.

Despite his confidence Race was pleased as punched and found the nearest pub to have a celebratory drink. Despite its fading decor Race found a stool at the White Hart and set about the Glenfiddich. It was not long before he had drunk half a bottle and was engaged in conversation with chirpy barman Jason Barnam.

Race knew he had been in a close shave and didn't want to take on the magistrates court once more so rather than get in his Ferrari he wisely called his seventeen year old son Harry to collect him. When Harry arrived his father had just ordered another whiskey so Harry had to wait for him to polish it off. As a sports lover but tee totaller Harry put Ł1 in the pool table and looked for someone to beat. Jason offered to play him and the pair set about their game. From the break Harry failed to pot and Jason got 4 red balls in. Harry then clipped the edge of the centre pocket with his next shot and Jason cleared up the reds and finished with a flourish on the black. Harry had been seven balled and was advised that he needed to get his trousers down, but Harry was reluctant until his father egged him on and eventually he relented and did the customary walk around the table.

Harry was angry at his father but found Jason to be convivial company and wasn't long before Jason had persuaded Harry that he should sign for the pub football team. In a way Harry joined to spite his father, playing low league football in a town that his father despised was in Harry's world the best way he could annoy the old man who had never given him the fatherly love he craved.

The following Sunday, Harry dutifully turned up for pre-season training, it was obvious to all that the boy was something special and back in the pub the manager Ade Smith was anxious to get Harry's signature on the signing on form. Harry knew that West Ham were interested and was reluctant until a big Geordie voice boomed out "come on you southern jessie get your name signed down man and have a drink with me". This was club alcohol legend Steve Hoban who had finsihed training and made a b-line for the Kronenburg. In no time Geordie Steve had put a pint in Harry's hand and told him that to play for the Hart he must drink with the Hart.

Reluctantly Harry took his first swig of alcohol and his thoughts were based on spite for his father rather than any altruistic feelings to his new friends. Having drunk his first pint pressure mounted for him to get in round. But Harry was penniless after finding Ł5 signing on fee and couldn't buy his fare share but friendly Toby Pullen told the Geordie to shut up moaning and got Harry his second. This was too much for Harry and he was soon slumped in a chair in the corner. As the hours went by concern rose and Ade asked him where he lived. He muttered something Ham and everyone thought this must mean South Ham.

As luck would have White Hart temptress Louisa McCarrick had recently ordered a taxi back to South Ham. On its arrival the lads picked up Harry and threw him into the back. It was this sudden jolt that brought Harry back to life. He looked up and all he could see were the stunning looks of Louisa sitting next to him. With his mind a blur his thoughts raced and his pulse thumped and all he could conclude was that in the missing hours in his head he had pulled and pleased with his good fortune he placed his hand on Louisa's knee and moved his lips towards hers. She pulled back her head in horror, but alas too late, Harry had had the misfortune to razz in her face.

Look out for Episode 2.
How does Harry get home?
Will Harry ever be able to pay the soiling charge and who was driving that Taxi.?
What will Roy Race do when he finds out his son has signed for the White Hart?
And will Harry ever get that kiss with Louisa?