The
Heavyweight Champion started WYDW's first Event of the New Year with a major announcement
concerning his Heavyweight title match. Here's what he had to say: "After
finding out I was participating in a Special Referee match last week, I began to
wonder how that came about. How did the WYDW booking staff come to the conclusion
that having Apocalypse as a Special Referee would make the match more fair? I went
right to WYDW's head office and had a little talk with the head honchos, and after
speaking with them, I believe the Special Referee match for my title is a GENIUS
decision. The only reason for my sudden change is due to the fact that not only
is tonight's match going to have one Special Referee, but two!! Let me introduce
you now to our Special Referee for tonight's Heavyweight Championship match...Ranger
X." The Hardcore Champ walked out with his black and white striped referee
shirt on and was repeatedly yelling "1-2-3" as he entered the ring. Ranger
X shook Lumberjack's hand and then borrowed the microphone. "I, Ranger X, swear
to keep my partner's title match a fair and exciting match, and if Apocalocalopalypse
tries to manipulate his authority in any way, I will bash him over the head with
a mallot." Ranger X then got down on the mat and gave the crowd a 3-count preview
before he and Lumberjack headed backstage.
Big Mac
wheeled his psychotic partner out on a dolly and told Al Bino that they had no option
but to win. The true pimp realized that if he lost his match, he lost his right
to pimp. Al Bino was unshackled and went running around the ring like a lunatic.
The Lady Killers' music rocked and out came the Tag Team Champions. Magnum had
on his special Tag Team Champs bikini briefs and was showing them to all the ladies.
Mr. Magic posed for all his female fans, and for one lucky lady, he allowed her
to touch his most prized muscle, the Love muscle. The Lady Killers quickly adjusted
their junk and slid into the ring. Magnum hunched over as Mr. Magic got behind him
in a very obscene guesture and then Magnum started moaning, "That's right, Big
Mac, treat me like a bad boy." Big Mac was infuriated by the Lady Killers little
skit, and had about as many gay jokes as he could stand. He ran and tackled Magnum
to the mat as the ref rang the bell. Magnum tried to make a tag but Big Mac had
him by the pants and was ripping the lady killer's clothes right off. Magnum screamed,
"Get off of me you queer!" as Big Mac pulled Magnum's pants all the way
down to his ankles. Magnum tried to stand up and move, but his pants wouldn't allow
it. Big Mac took Magnum and body slammed him onto the mat followed by a round of
hard elbows to the back. Big Mac tagged in Al Bino and they executed their reverse
DDT/sidewalk slam double-team. Magnum was holding his head in pain as Al Bino kept
jumping up and landing on Magnum with his knees. The psycho then lifted Magnum off
the mat and executed his multiple belly-to-belly suplexes. Mr. Magic reached for
a tag, but Al Bino sent him flying off the apron with his Torpedo headbutt. Al Bino
then tagged Big Mac back in and they double-suplexed Magnum. Big Mac was about to
DDT Magnum when he got punched in the crotch. Magnum dove towards his corner and
made the tag as Mr. Magic ran in and leveled Big Mac with a Disappearing Act. Mr.
Magic whipped Big Mac into their corner and the Lady Killers began to wail on Big
Mac. They punched him, kicked him, slapped him, scratched him, and bit him in an
effort to wear the mack down. Mr. Magic wrapped Big Mac up for a jackhammer, but
Big Mac swiftly turned the move around and executed his Special Sauce DDT. Mr. Magic
was laid out as Big Mac went for a pin. Magnum ran in and broke the pin but received
a nasty belly-to-back suplex by Al Bino. When Al Bino returned to his corner, Big
Mac tagged him in and together they executed a double-backdrop on Mr. Magic. The
magic one was seriously hurting as he crawled over to his partner, but Al Bino picked
him up from behind and then slammed him face-first onto the mat with a reverse sidewalk
slam. The crazy Aussie then took Mr. Magic's legs and wrapped him in his White Out
submission. Magnum ran in and dropkicked Al Bino in the back and sent him rolling
out of the ring. Magnum then dragged his partner over to their corner and made the
tag himself. Al Bino slowly stood up on the outside as Magnum ran and leapt out
of the ring with a body press. He sandwiched Al Bino up against a fence and had
the freak impaled on the sharp edges. Big Mac was not about to lose his pimping
due to a count-out so he lifted his partner off the fence and rolled him back in
the ring. Al Bino's straightjacket had a row of holes in it with blood seeping out.
Big Mac then tagged his partner and got in the ring with Magnum. Magnum taunted
Big Mac from across the ring, and as Big Mac came charging towards him, Magnum slammed
him onto the mat with a monkey toss. Magnum tagged Mr. Magic and set things up for
the Spermicide slide. With Big Mac laid out and his legs spread eagle, Mr. Magic
ran and slid right into Big Mac's family jewels. Big Mac was cringing in pain, but
the Lady Killers weren't through. Mr. Magic then locked Big Mac in a double-underhook,
and after checking the wind conditions, Magnum drilled an 85-yard field goal right
between Big Mac's uprights. Big Mac collapsed to the ground spitting up blood as
the Lady Killers each put on foot on Big Mac and posed as the ref counted 1-2-3.
Reverend
Robert rolled out a black carpet for Death to slowly walk down. He moved so slow
and smooth that it looked as if he was floating all the way to the ring. Rev. Robert
grabbed a mic and told Death, "It is time! The day of vengeance has finally
arrived. Savor every moment of it." He then removed Death's long black cloak
and revealed the mask of Death. The gothic goliath stood in the ring with his hands
held in prayer as Ranger X's music sounded over the loud speakers. Out came the
Hardcore champ with a shopping cart full of weapons. He told Death that not only
would he beat him, he would also remove his crappy Toys 'R' Us brand mask and show
the world who Death really is. Death was unfazed by Ranger X's attempt at humor
and solemnly stood in the middle of the ring praying. Ranger X got right next to
Death and said, "What are you praying for? You begging God to stop me from
kicking you upside your buckin' head?" Death payed no attention to Ragner X
and remained in a religious trance. Ranger X decided he'd seen enough creepy $#!@
and shattered a piece of plywood across Death's back. The monster remained perfectly
still as Ranger X looked in amazement. The Hardcore champ then took a trash can
and demolished it over Death's skull. Death continued to silently pray as Rev. Robert
screamed on the outside, "The time is here! Unleash the reaper!!!" Ranger
X was seriously starting to freak out as he delivered blow after blow after blow
to Death's skull. He even tried to spear Death to the ground, but diving head first
into Death was like running into a brick wall. Ranger X finally grabbed a chair
and completely destroyed the back of Death's head. The monster fell to his knees
with his hands still held in prayer. At that point, Ranger X was getting extremely
fed up with Death's passiveness, so he decided to provoke him. "Well, Death,
since I can see you are such a religious man, I'm sure you've heard the story I'm
about to tell you. It's about the big, ugly guy called Goliath who decided to pick
on a guy smaller than him just for fun. But, the smart, quick, agile, funny, sexy,
handsome, hardcore mofo he messed with was none other than David. What Goliath didn't
realize was that what David lacked in size he made up for in weapons. So, when Goliath
went to attack David, the little guy used a blunt rock to knock the monster's ugly
@$$ out. David then grabbed Goliath's head and slayed him, just like I'm gonna do
to you!" Death looked Ranger X straight in the eyes and said, "You did
it once, now it's my turn." Ranger X was frozen in fear as the familiar voice
of Death sent arctic chills down his spine. Death stood up and went after Ranger
X. The Hardcore champ threw every weapon he could at Death, but no obstacle could
hold the monster back. With a ladder already propped up against the house, Ranger
X attempted to hide up on the roof out of Death's reach. As Ranger X reached the
top rung, Death pulled the ladder out from under him and watched as Ranger X fell
8-feet onto the hard ground. Death stuffed Ranger X in between the ladder, and
with all his might, slammed the ladder together. Ranger X's ribs were crushed one
by one as Death continued to smash Ranger X between the ladder. Death grew tired
of abusing Ranger X in such a fashion and resorted to ramming Ranger X's skull up
against the solid brick house. Ranger X slowly lost consciousness as each blow to
his brain resulted in a minor concussion. Death was killing Ranger X and there was
absolutely nothing anyone could do about it. He wrapped his hands around Ranger
X's throat and suspended him up against the house. Ranger X kicked and punched,
but he could only watch as his vision slowly blacked out. The ref wanted to end
the match but Rev. Robert took Ranger X's belt and knocked the referee out. Obviously,
winning the match was not part of their plan. Death slapped Ranger X around until
he regained consciousness and as Ranger X opened his eyes they were slammed shut
by a Last Judgment. Ranger X was barely breathing as Death lifted him off the mat
for another Last Judgment piledriver. He didn't stop there, though, Death would
continue to perform his Last Judgment on Ranger X until Ranger X had stopped moving.
Death then said one last prayer as he and Rev. Robert left the Hardcore champ dead
in the center of the ring. The ref saw both Death and Rev. Robert leaving the ring
and was forced to declare Ranger X the winner. On their way out, Rev. Robert turned
to Death and said, "Soon he will have to decide which is more important: his
title or his life!"
The Special
Referees for the Heavyweight Championship match between Dakota Dick and Lumberjack
were announced to the ring. Apocalypse entered the ring with a microphone in his
hand and has some information for all the fans. "After the situation that just
took place between Ranger X and Death, I regret to inform everyone that Ranger X
will not be able to referee the next match. However, the match is scheduled to have
two referees, and I'll be damned if it doesn't. With such short notice it was difficult
to find anybody to replace Ranger X, but there was one guy in the back that, for
some reason, got screwed out of a match, so without further delay I introduce...TAZ!!!"
The True Main Event walked out with a black and red striped jersey on and was ready
to lay down the law. With both refs in the ring the match was ready to get under
way.
The challenger
ran out waving his cowboy hat and yelling a bunch of hick gibberish. Apocalypse
immediately confiscated Dakota Dick's red bat and warned him that there would be
absolutely no weapons allowed in the match. The Heavyweight Champion entered next
and was clearly pissed off about the referee situation. He walked right up to Taz
and told him that if he influenced the outcome of the match, in anyway, it would
be the last thing he'd ever do. Taz snatched the Heavyweight belt out of Lumberjack's
hand and then confiscated his axe-handle as he laughed at the champ's threat. Both
competitors entered the ring and the match began. They locked up in typical wrestling
fashion and Dakota Dick pulled Lumberjack into a side headlock. Apocalypse made
him break up the hold because it looked like a chokehold. Lumberjack quickly swept
Dakota Dick's feet out from under him and wrapped the cowboy in an armbar. Taz forced
Lumberjack off of Dakota Dick and warned him to stop using submission moves that
might be dangerous. Lumberjack said a few choice words back and went to pick Dakota
Dick off the mat. Dakota Dick was ready for Lumberjack threw the champ on his shoulders
for a samoan drop. Lumberjack was pinned on his back as Dakota Dick bombarded him
with a flurry of bare-fisted punches. Apocalypse kicked Dakota Dick off of Lumberjack
and reminded him that he was wrestling in the WYDW, not the UFC. Dakota Dick then
grabbed Lumberjack's leg was about to flip him over into a Hog Tie, but the Heavyweight
champ reversed the move into a basic leg lock. Taz stood over Lumberjack and repeated
what he said earlier about certain holds before stomping right on Lumberjack's face.
Lumberjack got up and went after Taz, but Apocalypse told him to worry about the
match taking place. Dakota Dick was standing and waiting for Lumberjack to turn
around, and right when he did, Dakota Dick lifted him off the ground and went for
a spinning sitdown sidewalk slam. The only problem was that Lumberjack saw it coming,
and when Dakota Dick lifted him up, he grabbed Dakota Dick by the hair and executed
a knee smash on the way down. Dakota Dick was holding his head in pain as Lumberjack
wrapped him in a longbow backbreaker. Taz came over, but before he could do anything,
Lumberjack released the hold. Dakota Dick was on the ground with pains shooting
up and down his spine right as Lumberjack took to the air and executed a Sequoia
Splash. The impact left Dakota Dick short winded but Lumberjack wanted him completely
breathless so he delivered two more Sequoia Splashes. Dakota Dick was laid out as
Lumberjack wrapped his leg for the pin. Taz got down and gave a slow 2-count before
Dakota Dick kicked out. Lumberjack told Taz to quit with the bull $#!@, but Taz
just smiled as he said, "Payback's a bitch!" The champ wrapped Dakota
Dick up for a double-arm DDT, but Dakota Dick broke the hold and nailed Lumberjack
with a reverse atomic drop. Lumberjack slumped to the ground with groinal discomfort
as Dakota Dick landed on top of him with a standing splash of his own. He wrapped
both of Lumberjack's legs for a pin, but the referees were too busy talking about
their Playstation 2 to make the count. Dakota Dick got up and walked over to Apocalypse
and Taz in an effort to get their attention. Right as he got near them, Lumberjack
clipped him from behind and went to work on his knee. Lumberjack was lethal when
it came to attacking his opponents' knees. He knew that even the strongest knee
would eventually buckle and make the texas cloverleaf an 'instant win' maneuver.
Dakota Dick was helpless as Lumberjack stomped on his knee with crippling intentions.
Lumberjack had Dakota Dick to the breaking point and all that was left was the application
of the texas cloverleaf. He swiftly wrapped Dakota's legs and rolled him over, applying
all the pressure he could. Dakota Dick was about to tap out when Taz shattered the
side of Lumberjack's face with a Lights Out. Lumberjack collapsed to the ground
with a NIKE footprint tattooed across his face. Dakota Dick slowly stood back up
but it took both members of Social Anarchy to help get him off the ground. He limped
over to Lumberjack and painfully picked him up off the mat. Dakota Dick signalled
for a Dick Drop, but attempted two or three times to lift him up without any success.
As he tried one more time, Lumberjack used all his strength to execute a shoulder
back toss on Dakota Dick. The cowboy slammed hard onto the mat as the Heavyweight
Champ was back on his feet. Lumberjack wrapped Dakota Dick's arms for a Log Jam,
and right as he was about to execute, he received another Lights Out from Taz. The
Heavyweight Champ was completely shook up after having his head jarred twice by Taz's
superkick. Social Anarchy helped Dakota Dick stand back up and together, all three
of them performed a spiked Dick Drop on Lumberjack. Dakota Dick fell on top of Lumberjack
to get the simultaneous 3-count from Social Anarchy. Taz handed Dakota Dick the
Heavyweight belt and then went over to the defeated Lumberjack. He stood over him
and said, "Try to screw Apoc and myself out of a title shot, huh? Well, look
who got screwed now!!!" Taz then joined Apocalypse to celebrate Dakota Dick's
championship win. Apocalypse was holding Dakota Dick's arm up in victory as he said,
"I never forgive and forget." With that warning, Apocalypse grabbed Dakota
Dick by the neck and delivered a skyscraping chokeslam to the new Heavyweight Champion.
Taz tossed Dakota's red bat to Apocalypse and the big man wasted no time bashing
the life out of him. Taz did the same to Lumberjack with his favorite axe-handle
and then both members of Social Anarchy left the ring with one thought going into
February...PAYBACK!