The
night began with the announcing of both stipulations in the double main event. E.D.A
entered the ring and waited for Big Mac and Dakota Dick to make their appearance.
Out came the Heavyweight Champ and Big Mac as the crowd went nuts. Lumberjack told
all the fans to shut the hell up and listen to what he had to say. "Tonight,
WYDW is gonna have its first ever 'Chutes and Ladders' match! The object of the match
is simple, in order to win you have to put your opponent through a table and involve
the ladder in SOME way. The referee for tonight's match has already been informed
of this stipulation and will make sure that both a ladder and a table are used."
Lumberjack then pointed right at the Heavyweight belt and said, "Dakota Dickhead,
you might as well kiss that belt goodbye, because when it comes to ladders and Ranger
X, victory is a Sure Thing!" Big Mac and Dakota Dick talked things over for
a second and then Big Mac! announced his stipulation. "Since Ranger X and ladders
go hand-and-hand, I've been trying to figure out what goes hand-and-hand with Dakota
Dick. He's clearly the best wrestler in the WYDW, and narrowing down his best attributes
to one thing has been quite a challenge, but there's one thing I always think of
when I hear the name Dakota Dick: POWERBOMB! So, tonight, Ranger X will be defending
his Hardcore title in a Powerbomb Match where the first person to powerbomb his opponent
wins." Ranger X threw down his belt and started cussing out Big Mac as the mack
laughed it off with Dakota Dick. Dakota Dick held both of his arms up signalling
to Ranger X that he planned on leaving "Deuces Wild" with both championships.
FNA carried
with him to the ring a cooler containing a six-pack and a chair. He planned on celebrating
immediately after the match. The Lady Killers music got the place rocking as both
members entered wearing Pittsburgh Penguins jerseys and acting like they were facing
off against one another. It was obvious who they wanted to win the Stanley Cup, but
that meant jack $#!+ to FNA. He told the ref to start the match and then he went
outside to interrupt the Lady Killers' hockey game. He smacked Mr. Magic from behind
but then Magnum started to beat the fool out of him with his hockey stick. Mr. Magic
then joined in on the high-sticking and whacked FNA upside the head with his hockey
stick. The Lady Killers were wailing on FNA and set him up for the Spermicide Slide.
Mr. Magic held FNA's legs spread-eagle but Magnum decided to change the maneuver
slightly. He pulled a street hockey ball out of his pocket and then let loose a wicked
slapshot. However, instead of the ball hitting FNA in the crotch, it raised up and
bashed right into Mr. Magic's magic wand. Mr. Magic was gasping for air as Magnum
went over to try and help his buddy. This gave FNA the chance to regroup and kick
some @$$. He may not know about hockey, but there's one thing about the sport he
loves -- the fights! He grabbed both of the Lady Killers' jerseys and pulled them
over their heads, and began punching the daylights out of them. The Lady Killers
were stuck in their jerseys as FNA took his chair and knocked both of them on their
backs. He got down and went to pin Mr. Magic, but Magnum broke the pin. FNA stood
back up and was annoyed by Magnum's interruption so he whipped him toward the chain-link
fence. Magnum reversed the move and sent FNA flying against the fence. Mr. Magic
then delivered a crushing body check up against the chain-link structure and watched
as FNA collapsed to the ground. The Lady Killers pulled him up and rolled him into
the ring as they went for their big finish. Mr. Magic went to hold FNA in a double-underhook
when the hardcore punk charged forward and rammed him out of the ring. As FNA turned
around, Magnum nailed him with two stiff jabs and then danced in preparation for
the P.I. Punches. Before Magnum could execute the final punch, FNA cranked back and
leveled him with his Hangover clothesline. Magnum was knocked out cold as FNA was
about to go for a pin. Mr. Magic was back in the ring with his hockey stick and without
warning he shattered it across FNA's back. FNA painfully hunched over as Mr. Magic
grabbed him by the neck and executed the Abracadabra. FNA was laid out as Mr. Magic
rolled Magnum on top of FNA and then got on top of Magnum to pick up the 3-count.
Big Mac
ran to the ring and received a well-deserved ovation from the crowd. He gave everyone
at ringside a high-five and then hopped in the ring. Lumberjack walked out with his
axe-handle propped across his shoulders and slowly made his way to the ring. Out
of nowhere, a crowd member spit in his face so Lumberjack took his axe-handle and
busted the fool's head open without a second thought. Lumberjack rolled into the
ring, threw down his axe-handle, and told Big Mac to give him all he's got. The match
got under way as Big Mac ran toward Lumberjack with an elbow smash, but the E.D.A
member quickly wrapped him by the arm and took him down with a reverse armbar. Big
Mac grabbed onto the bottom rope and the ref broke the hold. Both men got up and
Lumberjack locked Big Mac in an arm wrench. He twisted the mack's arm as far as it
would go and then slammed him onto the mat with an arm wrench hip toss. Big Mac locked
Lumberjack in a headscissor and managed to get his arm free. Lumberjack wedged his
way out of the headscissor and then locked Big Mac's legs in a boston crab. Big Mac
was close enough to the ropes to make Lumberjack release the hold. As Big Mac tried
to stand back up, Lumberjack grabbed his arm and began kneeing it unmercifully. The
King of Quit was working on Big Mac's arm and shoulder, so if Big Mac attempted his
Mac Attack, the move would hurt both of them equally. Big Mac was on the mat getting
his shoulders popped out of socket by Lumberjack's application of the rings of saturn.
Lumberjack released the hold and executed five Sequoia Splash as Big Mac laid perfectly
still in the center of the ring. Big Mac's arm suffered the impact of every body
splash he received and Lumberjack continued his attack by locking on a dragon sleeper.
Big Mac was about to choke out, but he managed to flip his body over Lumberjack's
shoulders and reverse the move. Lumberjack tried to break free as Big Mac stood up
and delivered his Special Sauce DDT. The fall jolted Lumberjack's neck and he was
slow to get up. Big mac waited for the right moment and then executed the Mac Attack
on Lumberjack. The move further injured Lumberjack's neck, but at the same time it
added more pain to Big Mac's already aching arm. Both men were lying on the mat trying
to recover and Lumberjack was the first to do so. He stomped on Big Mac's arm and
shoulder some more and then lifted his opponent up for a Log Jam. He had Big Mac
set up for the finisher, but suddenly Big Mac whipped Lumberjack's feet out from
under him and flipped over into a bridge. Lumberjack kicked out of the pin, but not
before the ref made the 3-count to make Big Mac the winner.
Big Mac
quickly rolled out of the ring and raised his hands in victory as the fans at ringside
congratulated him. Lumberjack was furious at losing in such a lame way that he decided
he wasn't finished yet. He grabbed his axe-handle from ringside and then mugged Big
Mac as he was walking backstage. Lumberjack continued his assault on Big Mac's arm
and smashed his axe-handle against the mack's shoulder. Finally, he held Big Mac's
hand and slammed a door shut on it, and as Big Mac tried to remove his hand from
the door, Lumberjack swung his axe-handle into Big Mac's elbow and all that could
be heard was a loud *CRACK*. Big mac passed out from the pain and security had to
come and remove his hand from between the door.
The diabolical
duo slowly entered the arena as a strobe light made their entrance that much more
eery. Rev. Robert removed Death's robe as the living skeleton waited for their opponents
to arrive. Social Anarchy's music blared over the speakers and out came the Tag Team
Champions. Apocalypse and Taz have both been dealing with Rev. Robert throughout
the month, but this was the first time they've had to deal with Death. Adding the
gothic goliath to the mix meant that Social Anarchy had to bump their game up to
the next level. The big man started things off for Social Anarchy as Death stared
him down from across the ring. Both men walked to the center of the ring and got
face-to-face for at least two minutes before Apocalypse finally broke the stare-off
with a knee right to Death's mid-section. Apocalypse then pounded on Death's back
with double axe-handles until the monster was down on all four. The big man then
locked him in a camel clutch and cranked back on Death's neck. Rev. Robert ran in
and kicked Apocalypse from behind which prompted the big man to lift the reverend
up and chokeslam him out of the ring. The move took out Rev. Robert but Death capitalized
by locking on his death grip. Apocalypse went down to one knee as Death slowly choked
him out. Taz finally got in the ring and delivered a high roundhouse to the back
of Death's head. As the dead man released his grip, Apocalypse drilled him in the
face with a big boot. Apocalypse then went over and made a tag to Taz who immediately
began kicking Death's brains out. Death grabbed Taz by the throat and lifted him
off the mat with a double-handed chokehold, but the True Main Event began punching
Death in the face and caused the goliath to drop him. Taz then smacked Death in the
face with a spinning wheel kick and caused Death's mask to get all crooked. Before
he could fix it, Death was slammed onto the mat by Taz's Showstopper. The Social
Anarchy member wrapped a leg and went for a pin, but Rev. Robert came in and kicked
Taz off of his partner. Taz made the tag to Apocalypse and the big man pointed to
Rev. Robert as he picked Death up and said, "The Armageddon is coming, and there
is nothing you can do to stop it!" Apocalypse then delivered a pendulum backbreaker
to Death as Taz flew off the turnbuckle with a guillotine leg drop. The Armageddon
left Death motionless in the ring and Apocalypse put one hand down on him for the
pin. He looked at Rev. Robert and stated, "Only the strong shall survive."
Right as the ref went for the 3-count, Death kicked out. Apocalypse was shocked to
see the monster moving and began stomping on him, but Death wasn't going down. Finally,
Apocalypse locked on the Hangman and watched as Death slowly began to pass out. Rev.
Robert jumped in the ring to interfere, but Taz was there to knock him out with his
Lights Out superkick. The ref was raising Death's arm to see if he had passed out
yet, but the monster continued to raise his arm. All of a sudden, somebody wearing
an all-black mask came running to the ring with a crowbar in one hand and the other
hand wrapped in chains. He slid into the ring and busted Taz's head open with the
crowbar, and then wrapped his chains around Apocalypse's throat. Apocalypse was fighting
to break free, but Death was pounding him in the ribs as the masked assailant wrapped
the chains tighter and tighter. Rev. Robert got up and wiped the blood off his busted
lip and watched as his men attacked Apocalypse. He kicked Apocalypse right in the
mouth and then got eye-to-eye with him. "What's wrong, Apocalypse? You don't
recognize your own handiwork? The person who is currently choking your pathetic life
out is none other than BADLAND!" Apocalypse tried to speak, but the chains were
wrapped too tight around his throat. Rev. Robert kicked him in the face a few more
times and then asked him, "Where's your horsemen now, huh? Your original followers
were Minion and Badland, but guess what?!? They're mine now!!! The Fallen Angels
are mine and there is nothing that will stop us." Apocalypse then gagged up
a whole mouthful of blood and laughed as the chains were loosened. "You think
you're ready, but once my horsemen have united there will be nothing you can do about
it. Nothing can stop the apocalypse, not even you, preacher boy." Badland then
released the chains from around Apocalypse's neck and the Fallen Angels left with
Rev. Robert leading the way.
The rowdy
redneck ran to the ring with his red bat and cowboy hat, and was looking to win another
title. Ranger X walked out like a true champion and wore the Hardcore belt proudly
around his waist. He realized that this would be the hardest hardcore title defense
he's ever given, and that the odds were stacked against him. Before Ranger X could
make it all the way to the ring, Dakota Dick let out a loud "Yippy-I-Ky-Yay"
and went flying out of the ring with a vaulting body press. He took out the Hardcore
Champ and then started ramming Ranger X's head against the hard ground. Dakota Dick
picked Ranger X up off the ground and body press dropped him onto a chain-link fence.
Ranger X's stomach was punctured with all these little holes from the top of the
fence, but that didn't slow the Hardcore Champ down. Ranger X grabbed a wet floor
sign and thrusted it right into Dakota Dick's throat. The cowboy fell back as he
tried to cat! ch his breath and Ranger X drilled him with a spear. Ranger X attempted
to keep Dakota Dick breathless with a series of guillotine leg drops and standing
senton bombs, and with Dakota Dick winded, he decided to make a pin. The ref reminded
him that the only way to win was by powerbombing your opponent, so Ranger X pulled
Dakota Dick up off the ground and with all his might tried to lift him up. The move
failed miserably as Dakota Dick stood straight up, lifting Ranger X in the air, and
then pounded the Hardcore Champ into the ground with a high angle spinebuster. Ranger
X was rolling around holding his back in complete agony. Dakota Dick saw this and
decided to add insult to injury by taking his red bat and bashing it into Ranger
X's backside. The cowboy marauded Ranger X's back until he wasn't moving, and then
he set the Hardcore Champ up for the Dick Drop. Dakota Dick signalled for his finisher
and then swiftly lifted Ranger X up. Ranger X rapidly wrapped his arm around Dakota
Dick's neck and reversed the move into a samurai driver. Both men were laid out on
the outside of the ring and eventually Ranger X managed to recover. He grabbed a
trash can and stuffed his opponent inside it, and then with a chair, he bashed in
the rim of the trash can to trap Dakota Dick inside. Without the use of his arms
or upper body, Dakota Dick was stuck laying on the ground at ringside. Ranger X took
the opportunity to run inside the ring and climb to the top rope where he then leapt
out of the ring with his Sure Thing. He landed on Dakota Dick and completely collapsed
the trash can in, leaving his opponent immobile. The only problem was that Ranger
X still had to powerbomb Dakota Dick in order to win. The Hardcore Champ managed
to roll Dakota Dick all the way to the ring and then lifted him inside. Once inside,
he pried the trash can off of his opponent and came up w! ith the idea that if he
gained enough momentum doing a running sunset flip then it would look as if he actually
powerbombed Dakota Dick. Ranger X took off running and bounced around the ring two
or three times before finally going for the sunset flip. As he went to leap over
Dakota Dick's shoulders, the cowboy caught him in mid-air and slammed him so hard
onto the mat with a sitdown sidewalk slam that Ranger X suffered a concussion. The
Hardcore Champ went totally lifeless and unaware of his surroundings as the ref got
down to see if he was alright. Dakota Dick didn't care how much pain Ranger X was
feeling, because he was about to make it ten times worse. The redneck hoisted Ranger
X's limp body up on his shoulders and then buried him into the mat with a Dick Drop
powerbomb. The ref declared Dakota Dick the NEW Hardcore Champion and awarded him
the title.
Everyone
was given a 20-minute break in between the match and came back out energized. Both
wrestlers realized that his match was for true bragging rights. Dakota Dick might
have won the Hardcore Championship, but to lose the Heavyweight title would mean
losing everything he'd worked so hard for. Ranger X knew that this was his best chance
of winning the Heavyweight belt, and nothing was going to stop him.
The ring
was surrounded with tables and ladders in preparation for the first ever 'Chutes
and Ladders' match. Both wrestlers made their entrances once again, except this time,
Dakota Dick walked out carrying two belts. Flaunting the Hardcore titles was a direct
slap in the face to Ranger X, and Dakota Dick hoped that it would mentally take him
out of the match. The ref started the match as Ranger X charged at Dakota Dick with
a running dropkick. The kick sent the Hardcore/Heavyweight Champ flipping backwards
to the outside of the ring. Ranger X followed him outside and laid the champ across
one of the tables. Dakota Dick kept trying to get off the table, but Ranger X buried
his nails deep into the cowboy's eyes. As Dakota Dick tried regaining his sight,
Ranger X set up a ladder right near the table. He climbed to the top of it and then
went flying off with the Sure Thing. Dakota Dick rolled off the table right as Ranger
X went crashing through it. The redneck was still trying to get his vision back while
Ranger X held his side in pain. Ranger X decided to use the ladder as a weapon and
immediately began beating Dakota Dick over the head. He had the cowboy down to one
knee, but as he went to bash him over the head one more time, Dakota Dick caught
the ladder in mid-swing and yanked it out of Ranger X's grasp. Dakota Dick then held
the ladder horizontally and used it as a battering ram to knock Ranger X off his
feet. As Ranger X rolled around on the ground, Dakota Dick tried relentlessly to
smash him with the ends of the ladder. The cowboy tricked Ranger X into rolling himself
in a corner and then drove the ladder right into Ranger X's already injured back.
While Ranger X was
temporarily subdued, Dakota Dick grabbed one of the tables
at ringside and brought it closer to Ranger X. With the table set up. Dakota Dick
picked Ranger X up off the ! ground and laid him across the table. Since he had to
incorporate the ladder and the table he decided to use the ladder like it was a giant
axe. As Ranger X laid still, Dakota Dick took the ladder and began chopping down
on Ranger X. The ladder was pounding right into Ranger X's stomach, but the table
refused to break. Dakota Dick held the ladder fully vertical in the air and then
chopped it downward with all his strength. As the ladder split the table in two,
Ranger X managed to slip away in time to avoid the attack. Ranger X quickly dropkicked
the ladder into Dakota Dick's face and followed that up with a spinning DDT that
sent both men crashing through a table. Dakota Dick's forehead was cut open from
going head-first throught the table and the loss of blood left the champ a little
disoriented. Ranger X set a ladder and table right next to his opponent, and then
he climbed up to the second rung. As Dakota Dick stood up! , Ranger X performed one
of his partner's moves -- the Timber bulldog. He jumped outward, wrapped his arm
around Dakota Dick's head, and went falling toward the table, but Dakota Dick knew
what he was doing and instantly tossed the ranger over the table. Ranger X landed
flat on his back and Dakota Dick started climbing the ladder. He reached all the
way to the top before realizing that Ranger X was right below him, and before he
could react, Ranger X had his legs wrapped around Dakota Dick's neck. Ranger X punched
Dakota Dick about twenty times while they swayed atop the ladder, and finally he
whipped backwards with all his might for a hurricanrana. Both men went flying off
the top of the ladder, and as they slammed through the table only one man stood back
up...Dakota Dick. It turned out that as they fell off the ladder, Dakota Dick managed
to resist Ranger X's hurricanrana attack and reversed it into a massive Dick Drop
off the top of the ladder. The ref awarded Dakota Dick with the win and handed him
both of his titles. Dakota Dick triumphantly stood over the broken table debris and
looked down at his crippled opponent. He then held both of the belts high in the
air and wanted everyone to remember that when the final hand was dealt at 'Deuces
Wild', Dakota Dick was the one walking away with the jackpot.