Some people are writing and the main point of their message seems to be to wish me well in this endeavour. I can't thank these people enough. This section will include those goodwill messages that also contained some substantial comment that I think is worth sharing. So please read them.
John:
Just a note to say I read your essays and see where you're coming from. I think it's wonderful that you're able to talk about it so lucidly but also think you're limiting yourself to a particular mindset. Of course, you seem to have correctly focussed on that most important of situations: that of keeping your good relationship with your wife.
I guess I'm lucky. I started the ladylike way this past April (at 46 years old) and, as a moderately confident extrovert, have managed to come out quickly, to massive support from friends and, most importantly, my girlfriend of ten years (within ten days of starting). We laugh a lot about it, and have incredibly steamy sex while i/we dress. One good side effect is that she's started to dress and shine up more often, and I'm looking for more excuses to take her out when she does so.
Living rural, I don't crossdress in public unless I head out to CD/TV-friendly places - i.e., support group meetings, drag shows, the local queer/lesbian clubs. I've emceed a fetish-fashion show enfemme, and am rehearsing for a Halloween show with a lady-folkie friend (I play stand-up bass and autoharp, and would be able to carry off a credible femme onstage, but will be singing backups in front of a whole bunch of folks who know my male persona, so at least I get to make them laugh...).
The upshot? I do it for fun, find a major erotic thrill in what I do, and see it as a decent hobby worth pursuing, much as I did the weightlifting, mountain climbing, music, and sci-fi fandom hobbies. As with you, I'm simply the same person in a dress and makeup, don't harm anyone else, and manage to keep showing up at work with a smile on my face.
So have fun,
Shae
John,
I just visited your site. It's very good! I can't think of another site that has discussed our situation as rationally or literately. I think there is a need for such discussion.
Of course, I'm not sure I entirely agree with your hypothesis of dressing up as evolutionary imperative. I think that may be taking women's statements too much at face value. Or are we to believe, e.g., that men really do read Playboy for the articles, since almost men so consistently say so? Being attractive may at the root be a manifestation of the sexual urge, even if it is not consciously felt (or admitted) as such.
I do agree that there is a continuum (with maybe more than one dimension, even) and I am much farther on the continuum than you are, so that may color my views as well. I have found that Anne Lawrence's theory of autogynephilia explains my situation better than most, but here, as you point out, we are the realm of anecdote, not science.
Finally, I agree with your philosophy and reflections on managing transvestism. I have always felt that the best way to stay sane was to acknowledge that I have these tendencies without elevating them to some grand destiny or fragmenting my personally (too much). But here again, things may be more complicated. You don't say your age (or I missed it) but I would guess you are under 40? I say that because as I have reached my mid-40's and have talked to middle aged and older tv's, I get the feeling that many of us face a "mid-life crisis" and instead of buying a sports car or having an affair with a 20 year old, we opt for makeovers and coming out of the closet. Being 44 and starting to feel those temptations makes me wonder how I'll feel about "managing" my crossdressing in 5 years.
In any case, I've run on long enough. Well done and keep up the good work!
Regards,
Naomi Larson
Hi John,
I just stumbled upon your site at http://www.oocities.org/whytv/. Are you a scientific psychologist? I am! I'm becoming a developmental psychology grad student. :-) Your site looks like it's going to be incredibly interesting & I would just like to wish you well is designing it. When you get it further along, please let me know and I'll definitely add a link to your site on my website. I'm a transsexual and I run a site about the personal and psychological aspects. Best wishes with coming to understand yourself!
Katie
http://www.genderweb.org/~katherine/
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