Oops, Wrong Button

Prologue

As I sit here with Bob Saget behind me, attempting to save the world, I realize
that I should have told those guys no. Which guys you ask? Well, the United States of
America’s government of course.
I must say, if you think you have felt the most uncomfortable sensation in the
world, you should try having a grown man’s foot in your butt. Now that is bad. I think I
better explain myself though.
Now please, sit back, relax, and listen to my story. And maybe if you pay
attention, you won’t get in this predicament. Believe me, you don’t want to be.

The Story

Let me get to the beginning of this, maybe it’ll explain more.
When I was a young child my parents sent me to military school. It wasn’t that I
was a bad kid or anything, nothing close to that, I was a model kid, it was just that my
parents didn’t have the money to support me. I guess I did have some anger from that, but
not too much, heck, I had a better life! I got fed every day, I had a bed to sleep on. So
much better than the ground I slept on, and food was a joke, if I got food I knew it had to
be some special day.
At school though I seemed to get in quite a lot of fights. I blame it on my parents
sending me away, but it most likely was because nobody understood me, but that’s
understandable, I was smarter than most anyone else my age.
After a few years though I started to seriously harm some of the kids I got in
fights with. Nearly every time I got in a fight it ended with me wiping my fists off and the
other kid on their way to the hospital. That caught some attention I suppose, but who can
blame me, I don’t appreciate what some of those kids say.
At the age of 13 the military already had me studying to be in the army and
become someone of a higher rank. I couldn’t wait, I might get somewhere in life! I
enjoyed the studying too, it kept me away from most anyone else and I loved having the
knowledge.
My life took a turn for the worse though. A year after I was put in that special
school I got the news about my parents.
They were both walking down the street when a terrorist bomb exploded right
next to them. Besides taking them out instantaneously it also leveled a five story
building.
I didn’t mourn though, instead I learned to be tougher. Some people asked me
why I didn’t cry. I always found that a weird question, why would I cry? I didn’t even
really know them, but if anything it built character.
Since I didn’t have any parents anymore, and I never knew any of my other family
I was the United States property.
On the night of my 15th birthday I got my real surprise...

I was sitting in my room, studying as normal for school and there was a knock
upon my door.
Upon opening the door I found myself staring up at a man in a unifom. As I could
see from his four stars he was a general, finally I was able to talk to someone that may be
able to keep my attention.
I let him in, General Hughes was his name, and set him down in my room. Being
just modestly furnished with the only place to sit being either on my bed or at my desk, I
offered the seat at my desk to him.
We talked for hours that night, all through the night until the morning. I flipped
through the papers as he continued on with his explanations to me. I asked questions
frequently just to make sure I knew what I might be going through if I agreed. He
answered everything and everytime he answered his eyes seemed to gleam more in hope.
I couldn’t help myself....so I agreed.
I didn’t know what I was exactly getting myself into at the time. I was thinking it
would be fun, but let me explain before you sit there and persist on thinking on what may
have happened to me.
As General Hughes explained to me, I was selected for a top secret project. They
want me to be the first person that they put cybernetic implantations into. I was all for it.
Who wouldn’t want to be able to run faster, jump higher, and think quicker than any
other human alive?
My life changed after that decision...

The next week I was taken  to a lab. They ran so many tests, one after another. I
thought that I might die before they finished all the tests, but as luck would have it, I
lived....and passed.
They warned me what I was going to go through, and some of the possible side
effects. I was ready though. I could deal with whatever they threw at me!
The day of the first operation went through great. They inserted microchips into
several regions of my body. I got two in my head, one for each arm, one for the torso, and
two more for my legs. It was relatively painless! What a relief it was.or that. I WAS not
in the mood to be all sore after doing the government a favor.
Well, I didn’t really notice much difference after that operation. They continued
to have me come in to do tests on me, make sure that I was still goin’ strong and also to
do some modifications.
You can’t imagine how happy I made the government by just living! They had me
living like I was a god! They didn’t hear me complaing at all. And I also benefitted
besides from just that. With those chips in my head I was able to get linked up to a
computer and instantly get taught whatever they wanted me to learn. It wasn’t bad,
though it was mostly boring crap like military vehicles and stuff like that, but
nevertheless, I was still learning.
Well, I was a hit with all the officials and they even had me meet the president
himself. Nothin’ too special, I found studying more interesting than that guy! So as it is, I
just went back to my old life of studying and pretty much being antisocial.
The days passed on until finally General Hughes came to my door once again. I
invited him in and all he did besides sit himslf down was stare at me grinning. I was
kinda scared, I didn’t know what that man had planned for me, but luckily it was
different than what I thought it might be. Well, actually, maybe I’m not lucky.
“Groundebreaking news,” he told me, “they’ve approved, now it’s just up to you.”
Well, of course out of boredom my answer was a simple, “Sure, why not?”
He set me down and once again made sure I knew what I agreed to and what
might happen. Sure, he told me that one of the side effects could be death, but I trust that
they won’t screw up, they didn’t last time.
I left that night back to the laboratories.

This time there was pain. This time there was excruciating pain. I learned my
lesson after this one to agree so eagerly. Never again will I let my boredom take hold of
me and make a decision like this.
As you may want to know, I got more implants, as to say. They weren’t exactly
implants, but more like physical modifications. I learned that their plans were to turn me
into “the ultimate fighting maching”. I am the next step to the United States becoming
the top nation in fighting.
I’m not exactly proud of myself now. I never wanted to fight, it’s just something I
was good at, and now I’m the best at. Now I know there won’t be anyone tryin’ to take
my lunch money or anything, or if they try it, they’ll learn not to next time, if I give them
a next time.
Some of these modifications would be lazers set in my skin, or “bionic” legs
which could make me beat any and every running record set.
I was excited about that part. I love to run, and with these legs I could now show
everyone my love for running. My dream was to become famous, but the government
didn’t want me to be known, I was their little project. They kept me tighty woven into
their reindeer games.