Things to Say at a Job Interview

See photo of interviewer's family on desk, point, 
start laughing uncontrollably.

Ask if there is only one emergency exit, grin and 
say; 'Boy!, I bet this floor would be in trouble 
if someone barricaded that.'

Constantly fidget with underwear waistband, then 
blurt: 'The strawberry ones are the stickiest, 
don't ya' think?'

After detailing your greatest achievement, qualify 
with, 'Of course I was totally hammered at the 
time.'

Inquire on office policy of friends staying over.

Claim you wouldn't even need a sit-in' job if Al 
Einstein hadn't stolen your secret patent for- 
'2000 Flushes'

Over-emphasize your ability to use a copier.

Ask if it's O.K. that you sit on the floor.

Allow that you would little impact on the overhead 
budget, because you swiped all the supplies from 
your other job.

Although parking was free, insist that they 
validate something or you're not leaving.

Mention your resume would have been stronger, but 
you didn't feel like making anything else up.

Ask secretary if she'll sit on your lap during 
interview.

Walk into interviewers office with a tape measure, 
measure office from a few angles, put away, 
declare; 'NOW we can begin.'

When making small talk and the Simpson trial comes 
up, shout; You mean Homer and Marge are in some 
kind of trouble?' run out of room.

Sniff two of your fingers hold out toward 
interviewer, ask; 'smell these, these smell funny 
to you???'

Upon walking in to the office for first time ask 
reception to hold all your calls.