Attention
                           Students

    It has come to our attention that several of you have felt it
necessary to engage in pagan rituals during passing periods. 
While we can't allow goats in and out of the building due to fire 
hazards (And the FFA is getting suspicious of the whereabouts of 
the cattle) we will allow incense and hooded robes with a permit 
only. Human sacrifice must be kept, preferably, to a minimum, 
seeing as we are beginning to run low on faculty members. Also 
the janitors are beginning to complain about the giant 
pentagrams.  The Principle is beginning to grow irritated with 
the recurring jack-o-lanterns he finds on his desk every morning 
with a knife plunged in its side and a note reading "YOU." If 
this sort of behavior persists, we shall be forced to notify 
Master Satan.  As you all are aware by now, Mr. Satan has been 
kind enough to give us a wonderful deal on the sale of our souls.

  In light of these recent events, we have found it necessary to 
set up  new guidelines for future sences and/or demon conjuring. 

1.) The shedding of blood must be within the yellow parking lines 
only.(CAUTION: Please wear plastic gloves when dealing with 
blood, due to the fact that AIDS is a equal rights disease, and 
no one is immune... Not even Satan.)

2.) Remember: The Pit of Despair is not used as a trash 
receptacle, please keep all Coke cans out of hell because they 
are having a problem with recycling their crap already.

3.)  The fetal pigs in the Biology labs are ONLY THERE FOR 
DISSECTION.But feel free to pillage the AG farm at any 
opportunity.

We do realize that Satanic sacrifice is a dirty job, we are just 
asking you to clean it up.. We thank you for your understanding 
and hope that you will adhere to these requests.

                                Sincerely,
                             The Management