Our young hero is informed by an aging hippy that, because of lineage and the extreme floppiness of his hair, he is clearly part of the great ancestral tradition of witches.

Intruiged by this young, Harry drops out of school and proceeds to spend the next six months sitting around in coffee shops with terribly ernest young women and bottom of the barrel goths who think just because they wear an ankh they're in tune with the cosmos.

He is amazed to discover that he has a knack for the ancient neopagan sport of bickering and uses this talent to humiliate his old adversary Draco Malfoy who has been trying to push the circle in a more Alexandrian Wiccan direction much to the chagrin of the gardner influenced Professor McGonagol, who has some kind of weird degree in folklore and won't shut up about the origins of the futhark.

When the dastardly snape claims that the original rituals of the Wiccan movement were written by Aleister Crowley for a laugh, chaos seems sure to engulf the circle but our plucky young hero spends 36 hours talking rubbish on an internet wiccan forum and is able to dispel the notion thanks to the power of Dumbledore who claims to have known Crowley's second cousin twice removed some time in the early seventies.

The climax of the story comes when it is revealed that its totally impossible to do magic without first reading all 711 chapters of the Golden Dawn treatise on how to brush your teeth. when the vile black magician Voldemort seems to be doing magic to get ahead in advertising. The coven is paralysed by indecision and its left to the untrained Potter to step into the limelight as the rest of circle is busy coming up with more and more excuses as to why they don't have to do anything about Voldemort.

He writes a strongly worded letter of condemnation to a wiccan periodical and the resultant flame war ties up Voldemort and his minions in ever more futile arguments about the nature of the goddess and the responsible use of magic.

The story ends with our noble hero being given a witches tarot deck by his grateful compatriots and he can look forward to spending the summer holidays spouting ernest rubbish at parties whilst staring blankly at the cards in a desperate search for inspiration.

There are several more books in the pipeline including 'Harry Potter buys 400 Different Candles', 'Harry Potter becomes a vegetarian'and 'Harry Potter Actually Tries To Do A Ritual, Scares Himself Silly And Becomes A Christian Overnight.'

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