Menarche, moons & motherhood

My daughter got her first period yesterday. The amazing thing (to me anyway) is that I had just started myself minutes before she called. I am very glad the connection happened that way.

She already had plans to spend the night with a friend & still wanted to go, & her friend's mom picked her up before I got home so I didn't even get a chance to talk to her last night. When I went to pick her up after work I got the feeling she was missing me & wishing she had stayed home - just sort of depressed. So tonight I called her to her room & got the hairbrush & brushed out her long wavy red hair & had the talk with her that I started thinking about the day she was born.

I told her I wanted to have a small ceremony & gathering, & at first she looked at me like I was crazy & said she really didn't want to tell anybody. It sure didn't seem like something to have a ceremony for.

There are so many wonderful things about being a woman that I came to realize on my own without the earthy self-aware mother to teach me, & I always planned to share those things with her. I wanted her to know it's not just about a milestone. It's about becoming part of something much bigger. I talked to her about the priviledge of being connected to the moon & the tides and the cycle of earth - about the honor of being able to carry a life & give birth, & told her that she had now become a part of that.

I also talked about the added responsibility she now had. She is not old enough to drink, to vote or to drive a car, but she is old enough to have a baby. I told her that I wanted to be aware that she has the responsibility of not bringing a child into the world until she is emotionally, psychologically & financially capable of caring for a child, & that I wanted her to make conscious decisions about her body so that all her choices are still available - rather than having the path of her life chosen for her because she didn't think.

Then I talked to her about the wonder of giving birth, about the experience of giving birth to her, about how thankful I am to have a daughter to share these secrets with, knowing she will share them with a daughter of her own one day - sitting there looking in her face & still being able to see the baby she once was & hints of the woman she will become.

She decided that a ceremony would be awesome. I also cannot believe the fortune that my closest girlfriend in the world is here. We are going to invite her & her daughter & her mother, plus the mother & two daughters that we've been friends & camped with her whole life. We're going to do some mehndi, burn some incense, listen to some good music & eat some good food, & then at dark we'll walk down to the lake & have her "first moon" ceremony. She doesn't know that today I bought her a silver pendant set with a blood stone & moon stone.

After we talked big fat tears were streaming down her face & she said, "Thank you Mom. I just thought I wanted to start because all my friends had, but I never thought about all this. You've made me feel like this is special. You are such an awesome mom."

~sigh~ Sometimes this job does pay back.

My daughter's First Moon celebration & ceremony went off beautifully. We managed to get everyone here that we wanted. I went & picked her up early from her dad's & brought her home to a lavendar bath and jasmine soap & candles before everyone arrived. I made a huge meal - lamb, quinoa, dolmas, lots of fruit and wine. My best friend did "red shoes" on her - a lovely mehndi on her feet. We wove red flowers in her hair (This is when my daughter pointed out that we had fed her a huge meal, dressed her up, put flowers in her hair... isn't this what they used to do before they threw a girl in a volcano. Cracked me up)

When it came time to have the ceremony, it had started drizzling, but after just a little discussion we decided to go for it anyway. I had gotten permission from a neighbor to use their lovely wooden dock over the lake perfect for the occasion - a long narrow walkway & then a wide deck at the end. All the adult women walked out to the end while my daughter & the two young girls stood in the walk way. I said these words: We bring the ordinary into holy consciousness through ceremony, service and celebration. By moving a life moment from its private enclosure, often clouded with secrecy, fear, shame and curse, we confront those feelings that have lived for generations within us and replace them with pride in the miraculous workings of our body.

Each woman's cycle brings forth the potential fruit of creation as an offering of life's possibilities. It is a special honor that we carry as women -- bearers of creation.

I pulled the red scarf out of my hair & laid it across the walkway in front of her.
And so it is for these reasons that we gather here under the moon to celebrate a first moon and to welcome this woman-child standing at the threshold.

Who approaches this threshold?

Do you understand the magnitude of the gift you have been given as bearer of creation?

Do you accept the responsibilities of this gift?

Are you ready to cross the threshold into womanhood?

When she answered the final question she crossed the threshold into my arms. Then all the girls & women formed a circle, & each one gave my daughter a token gift & a blessing or word of wisdom. Finally, I gave her the moonstone & bloodstone pendant I had bought to mark the milestone, & I gave her my blessing, the blessing of freedom - freedom to accept herself & freedom to face & embrace all the facets of who she is on the inside without feelings of shame or guilt.

Then the young girls lit a green candle, our crone (my best friend's mother) lit a purple candle & my daughter lit the red candle. I closed the ceremony with a (slightly modified) Jewish prayer - "Blessed are you Adonai our God, for making us born women."

We went back to the house & took lots of pictures & visited a while longer. My daughter was absolutely glowing. It was moving for every woman in attendance. Even my sister, who is most definitely not the free spirit that I am, was moved. Apparently the experience struck an even bigger chord - I've gotten lots of emails about the event.

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