My Life?
sitting at my pc
wondering where life went
feeling this deep sadness within
trouble and tribulation, ripping me apart
life flashes past me in the blink of an eye
questioning all that I have done
has my life been worth it?
three beautiful gifts have I, for them I want to live
but can I watch the pain on their faces
innocence sees all
it is not fair
subjecting them to all of this
Seeing their tears as I cry
Do I carry on
living in this lie
and yet I think of them
for them, I have to try.
26 June 2002
We can never be
Each night goes by and I can't sleep
thinking of you
hearing the clock tick, each beat of my heart
both in unison
becoming one - like we can never be
thinking of you I see us in my minds eye
bodies entwined
a passion burns through me like I have never felt before
except in my dreams
as I lay alone - for we can never be
Hours we spend together and yet so far apart
is this the way I want it?
we speak only words upon a computer screen
fingers pounding on the keys
is this the way I want it?
yet I cannot move on
goodbye seems so final
and yet they are words that have to be said
- for we can never be
Hurt
How many times can one say sorry
it won't happen again
no matter how many
it doesn't heal the pain
hurt I feel inside
the promises cut through me like a knife
tomorrow will be different
or will it?
I am so tired of this life.
June 2002
Samad
No matter how many times I lay on my bed
I cannot stop these tears that flow
it has been two years now since you are gone
the pain in my heart is still fresh
the void in my life that you filled is now empty
and no matter how I try
questions I have asked myself
I cannot understand
why u had to die
I long for the day I will hear your knock on my door
I miss your laugh, your smile, your jest
each time I hear a certain song I break down inside
you meant so much to me
if only I could have told you then
and held you close all those times when u needed it
when it counted the most
alone you were, all your life, an outcast
you didn't fit in, except with me
could the family not see
just what they were doing to you -
Your hair was too long, your clothes were not right
no matter what you did, how hard you tried
you just could not be one of them
It hurt me so to see you in such pain
I wish I could have taken it all away
for you meant the world to me
you faded so quickly, giving up on life
and what hurts me the most
and I'll never forget
is that I missed the chance
to say goodbye
26 June 2002