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The bitter cold enfolds the world within its icy tentacles the moaning winds howl their defiance to the universe, and the storm shrieks in impotent rage For the inner sanctum is barred tight and fast and not a chink can the onslaught find in her thrice constructed armour oh so fine she has girded her loins for battle she has ironclad her heart against the hurt, and she has honed her mind like the finest steel blade Thus she stands inviolate before the fury of the storm ever so smug in the sure knowledge of the strength of her all-enveloping armoured cage She hugs the meagre warmth of her pallid life tightly to her breasts and with force of will, silence the tendrils of protest at this self-imposed exile from life In her deepest core she has convinced herself that the pitiful warmth she has, is what she wants and all she needs as she wanders through this eternal frozen wilderness which is her life. But come the morn that she feels brave enough to risk a tiny ray of sunshine upon her life to allow the touch of a human heart to briefly brush just her fingertips- for this is all she dares to risk- the awesome shock of feeling once again shatters the icy crystal cave she had been entombed within Panic spreads like a tidal wave - for she cannot once again retreat and encase her heart in ice to keep it safe from hurt and she keens in mourning with the knowledge within her core that no matter what may still come her way she can never retreat back into the frozen death of her previous life So now she stands atop a hill with her unbound hair flowing like a banner and lifts her face to the life-giving sun and opens her mind, body and soul to the very essence she has denied herself for so very long. she feels the glow grow rapidly until her very being rivals the glory of the sun Oh, this she knows with utmost surety - that lurking in the shadows be the very things she fled so eagerly a very, very long time ago Hurt will surely visit her again, and pain will sear her soul once again, But it matters not in the least - for now she will face them square and meet them with her head held high and laugh at adversity as it slinks away in shame for to be a feeling human once again is worth all the future pain And a final tear slides down her cheek as she now finally can mourn all the loving, laughter and beauty, which she let pass her by for all the opportunities that have gone for sharing and giving and being as one She dashes the tears from her face and proudly lifts her head up high and face her future - come what may For she finally knows her place in this universe of ours And nay, it can never be again from behind the frozen walls of a self-made crystal cave. Naomi Pollock January 2001 |
