WickedB
The pain so deep, so burning, she felt like a lost soul, She'd sent so many silent prayers to heaven asking to be put out of her misery and still, there she sat. She could see no reason why the man upstairs wouldn't grant her many requests. As her eyes close images assail her, images of her childern's faces caught in laughter. The first time she held them and how the tears welled in her eyes and she thanked god for granting her the special little treasures given to her. Images next roll around of the feelings of not being needed as they took their first steps onto the school bus for the first time. Images of their tears as what they knew as "home" disappeared and it was just the three musketeers, and last the images of their tears streaking down their face and the shock at the most devestating blow of all. The woman felt so mad at exposing not only herself but her children to this person. This someone who was very special walked into their lives, that someone said he'd loved them and cared about them, but in the end walked out of their life. Feeling a hot burning sensation at the last words he'd said to her " you're not worth it, and neither are the girls" .
The woamn sat there, her eyes closed to the slow film running through her mind, ther feelings that she felt for him, the caress of his fingers, the kisses that seemed so filled with electricity and now she was cold, so dead inside. Everything was gone...Her eyes spring open as she realizes that her cell's ringing.
" Hello?" the woman answered trying to make sure she kept the tears out of her voice.
" HI Mommy !! Where are you?"
The woman taking a deep shuddering breath then replies " Hiya baby, I'm right inside your heart, can you feel me ?" The laughter over the phone makes a few more tears run down her cheeks and she hears " Yep, I sure do, Mommy I miss you"
The woman wipes the tears with the back of her shaking hand. " I miss you too baby, with all my heart. You been good for daddy? She lowers her hand and the setting sun catches the stones in her mother's ring and she grabs her chest softly, rocking back and forth trying to hold the sobs at bay...She hears a scuffling noise in the background and the shutting of a door then a soft reply came over the phone
" Yes, but I never get to see him and I want you, when can I come live with you?"
The woman, her voice steady, fooling her treasure as to what she's feeling and whats really going on outside her world replies " Baby, you know that this is for the best right now, you staying with your dad and going to your school with your friends, I know you miss you dad too."
" But I miss you more " The soft plea cuts so deeply into her heart " I know you do and I miss you more than I can tell you" Her voice wobbling on " you". Looking up into the sky she silently begs to be released for this ... Taking a deep breath she add's " so how's your sister and how's school ?"
Chit chat follows of what mean things her sister did to her and how she's doing in school, making the woman's heart rip that much more because she's not right there.. not allowed to be there.. not being the mom she always was and had been.
Tears silently fall when her treasure says " Mommy, I miss you more than all the chocolate milk in the world!"
The woman's chin quivers and she bites her lip trying to get through this... " WOW, thats a lot baby, me misses you more than all the moon n stars" holding her breath waiting....
" I love you more than all the books you could ever read" a soft giggle ripples over the line
" Really now, well what if I cant read anymore ?" An exasperated sigh follows, then a giggle" I love you more then all the PIZZA in the world, but I still miss you"
" Tum Tum, mommy loves you more than I can ever tell you. You always remember that ok... No matter where I am, I'll always love you." A small sniffle rips her heart in two... clenching her teeth mustering strength she waits...
" I have to go to bed mommy I wish you were here to tuck me and Earl in..."
" I know baby, I wish I was there too, dont forget what I told you NO matter where OK ?"
" Okay mommy, here's sissy"
" OK baby sweet dreams and I love you more than all the moon and stars"
The woman takes a deep breath, and talks to her oldest hearing the sound of sleepiness in her voice. Hearing about school, the fights... the woman realizes that her oldest is growing up even more without her...
" I love you mom, I miss you ... wish you were here"
I love you too more than" Her oldest cuts her off and giggles and says " more than all the bathtubs in the world me lovies ya"
" I love you more thean all the books that you have on your shelf"
" I know you do mommy, I have to go to bed"
" OK baby, remember one thing, no matter how close I am or how far away I'll always be with you ok ?"
" Yes mommy you always will."
" K baby good night and sweet dreams"
The soft click in her ear felt like once again her world was being ripped in two and there was nothing she could do ... except one thing....
Folding her quilt up lovingly, inhaling the fragrance, wiping her tears for the last time she stands up and takes a deep breath... going to her car.. she notices a homeless man under a tree and walks softly over to him. In his arms he cradled his child. His dark eyes leery as she bends down putting a finger to her lips.... Her eyes well with tears knowing that at least her girls were warm and safe.... She slowly and carefully tucks her quilt around the child and smiles a soft smile at the man.. Setting a small tin on the ground she stands... blows the child a kiss....The man perplexed has no clue what just transpired... but he silently thanked the angel upstairs that had let this woman do this...
Passing the post box, the dropped her correspondence in the mail then slowly drove away... heading down the long winding back road...
The homeless man carrying his child down the main street of town stopped at the rental place as his eyes caught site of the TV in the window...The red flashing lights couldnt' be good he thought to himself...Then the picture of the mangled car, his brow puckered at where he'd seen that same car.... He watched in horror as the pristine sheet covered body was put in the back of the waiting car... Then the man understood, and tears slowly ran down his cheeks as he looked at his sleeping child laying so trustingly in his arms... Then and there he voiwed because of the special things he had been given that day that he would make her proud...
