First let me start off by saying that I hate getting my hair cut. I has got to be one of my least favorite activities ever. That being said, it is also necessary in life for you to get your hair cut.
I walk into my neighborhood Great Clips wanting to spend less than 5 minutes. Just enough time to sit down, have my hair cut and get out. Not happening. I walk it. It takes 10 minutes of me standing at the counter just for some broad to come out. She had a nice face and a good body but a gut that screamed, “2 years ago you would have killed to fuck me. Now all that McDonald’s has caught up with me and you just threw up in your mouth.”
Her: “What do you want?”
Me: “I need to get my hair cut.”
Her: “Okay. It’ll be about a 30 minute wait.”
Me: “Alright.”
I spotted some guy that could have passed for TuckerMax. His looks were some what close but what really gave it away was the fact he reeked of alcohol. I walked over to him, pointed at the seat next to him and grunted. He returned my grunt. I seated myself.
Now at most places to get your hair cut, they have magazines to look at to pass the time while you’re waiting and Great Clips is no exception. Except at Great Clips, they have forgotten that men occasionally stop in. The only magazines in the entire store were Martha Stewart Living, Better Parenting, and Fashion Today. I glanced at TuckerMax and he grunted. I wanted to cry. I sat down and decide to see if I could find some entertainment. To my surprise I could.
[Enter Wigidy’s imagination]
I glance over and see a fat black woman cutting this kids hair. I am able to pick up on some dialogue.
Her: (snort) “How old are you?”
Poor suffering kid: “12.”
Her: “12? No way. I thought you were older.”
My mind goes ballistic with this 12 second conversation.
Wigidy’s imagination: “No way? I hate when people do that. Yes way. People don’t go around lying about random shit. They don’t “yank your chain” just to fuck with you for no reason. The stupid kid just told you. What a dumb ass question.”
I pause to give my brain a rest. The I think about what I would do I get stuck with this lard ass.
Wigidy’s imagination: “Lard ass: “How old are you?”
Me: 18.
Lard ass: “18? No way. I thought you were older.”
Me: “The guy who took my fake I.D. didn’t think so.””
Now seriously how do you respond to something like that? You can’t. You shut the fuck up, do your job and cut hair.
I move on to another booth having amused myself with yet another fat ass stylist. I think I recognize her from uglypeople.com but I’m not sure. She is being bothered by some little kid. Is this a hair salon or a fucking day care? Last check Great Clips was a hair salon and that’s it. No day care. This kid was particularly obnoxious. One of those kids that ask “Why” 50 times in a minute and still isn’t satisfied. Honestly, if I’m the stylist, this kid gets a 5 finger to the face and that’s it.
A hot girl walks in. Immediately, all of my sensory organs are direct at her and figuring out how to get her in the sack. She walks up to the counter and bam the girl with the McDonald’s gut walks out right away. Apparently, they know each other and the McDonald’s girl disappears into the back room with her friend, never to reappear again in this story. Anyway, a stylist calls my name. He is actually a normal looking male. I suspect he’s gay but our conversation never got passed a grunt so I suspect that he was not ready to come out of the closet.
Long story short, I spent 30 minutes waiting for a stupid stylist who took under 5 minutes to cut my hair.
233,253 people agree Great Clips has shitty service.