~ Duo teeters onto stage wearing only black ballet slippers and a black tutu. He executes a series of twirls and jumps, allowing everyone a clear view of what's underneath that frilly tutu. LiLi, the goddess and creator of this fic, stands behind the backdrop next to Heero and snickers as a number of the fat, stuffy men in the audience get bloody noses and rush their wives out. ~

Heero: When do I go out?

LiLi: *flicks her wings and watches the quickly disappearing audience* Soon. You're the Perfect Soldier, you'll know.

~ Soon the only ones left in the audience are the hentai readers who are screaming for more. Duo is still twirling around, but now looking decidedly dizzy. LiLi sighs and looks at Heero, who is wearing his trademark spandex and tanktop and a frilly pink tutu over it. ~

LiLi: You're on. *pushes him onto stage*

Heero: Omae o- *tumbles onto the scene*

LiLi: *turns to the three figures standing behind her* You guys ready?

Trieze: Tell me again why we're doing this?

Zechs: She's had another overdose of Happy Pills while creating this fic. *smoothes out his tutu*

Trieze: Ah…

Wufei: Onna! You'll pay for this!

~ While the winged goddess gets the others ready, Heero tumbles, err, rolls onto stage and stands there like a statue while Duo leaps around him. The trumpets from the orchestra blare and Heero drops to the ground like the emotionless rock he is. ~

Zechs: Was that supposed to happen?

LiLi: *smacks him in the head* Just wait, the good part's coming up.

Treize: *hands Wufei a box of tissues* Here dragon.

Wufei: Kisama! What am I supposed to do with this?

~ Duo pokes Heero's prone body with the toe of his slipper. Heero's hand shoots up and grabs the chestnut braid. Duo squeaks as Heero pulls him down for a long passionate kiss. Heero's other hand trails up and more or less rips the black tutu off. ~

LiLi, Treize: That.

Zechs: That's supposed to be the good part?!

Wufei: *spouts blood* K'SO!

LiLi: Get out there! *pushes them out*

~ Trieze, Zechs, and Wufei come leaping out on stage, wearing white leotards and see-through tutus that go down to their knees. Wufei's nose is slightly red and one might notice a bit of Kleenex sticking out of his leotard. They leap in circles around the two. As Heero and Duo become a little more, err, active, the three pull a large bush onto the stage. The two stars stop in their making out to get up and jump into the bush. Trieze, Zechs, and Wufei leap around and around the bush, waving roses as the bush moves and wiggles and black toe-shoes, spandex shorts, a pink tutu, and a green tanktop come flying out. The crazy hentai readers squeal with glee as they trample over one another to get at the discarded uh, clothes. ~

LiLi: *sweatdrops and scratches head* Anou… how can they even call that stuff clothes?

~ After some time, the bush slows down and the hentai readers sigh with disappointment, only to be scared out of their spandex by loud screams of "YES, YES HEERO! YEEEESS!!! " and whatnot. The trio of dancers pulls the bush back offstage to reveal Heero and Duo having sex like a couple of horny rabbits. ~

Duo: YES! YES! HEERO, FUUUUCK MEEEEEEEE!!!! OOOOOOOOHHH!!!! YEEEESSSS!!!!

LiLi: *sweatdrops* Oh dear… *presses a button on the wall*

~ A trapdoor opens up beneath the two and they fall into the stage, still at it. Curtains fall and the hentai girls throw popcorn and spandex at the curtain until it goes back up. ~

LiLi: So much for the first intermission. Hey you two, get back on stage!

Heero: One second. *stuffs himself into leather pants a few sizes too small* You didn't make them big enough, LiLi. *growls as they rip in the back*

LiLi: Too bad. *grabs duct tape and patches up the rip and most of the pants* Now get on stage! * pushes him out*

Duo: *starts shivering* My butt's gonna freeze off!

LiLi: *starts glowing and shoots a hole in the wall* GET OUT THERE!!!

Duo: Going! *rushes out*

~ The curtain goes up again. Duo's sitting in a huge bowl of ice cream, wearing nothing except his braid and a grin of one who's been screwed to Kingdom Come and about to be screwed even further. Treize, Zechs, and Wufei dance back out, this time, wearing see-through sparkly SugarPlum Fairy costumes. The winged goddess stands behind the curtain and hands each a bucket of chocolate sauce as they dance past her. They leap and twirl around and around the bowl, dumping the buckets of chocolate on Duo. LiLi stops giving out buckets when the bowl's contents are completely covered. The trio stops in their positions and twirl even faster. Their frilly tutus start unraveling off their bodies, much to the delight of the hentai reader girls. Finally, the froofy ribbons fall away to display the tiny little tutus that could never be trusted to hide anything on a four-year-old, much less three full grown bishounen. The hentai girls shriek and clap for more as bishounen trio flounce offstage. ~

Wufei: That was humiliating, onna! Have you no honor?!

LiLi: All goddesses have honor, silly. *flicks wings*

Treize: These outfits are a bit tight, my dear.

LiLi: *rolls eyes and waits for Heero to get on stage* Your point?

Zechs: Is any chocolate sauce left?

LiLi: *looks slightly confoozled* Yep, right over there.

Treize and Zechs: Domo arigato. *grab Wufei and drag him into a dressing room and lock the door*

Wufei: Kisama! Let me go! THIS IS INJUSTICE!!!

Trieze: Have the chocolate ready, Milliardo?

Zechs: Of course. *XXX-rated noises, including various phrases and swear words that our innocent, virgin-eared readers shouldn't hear for a good portion of their lives until they're ready to get rid of that virginity.*

LiLi: *snickers* Innocent and virgin-eared, yeeeeaaaaah riiiiiiiiiiiiight.

~ Meanwhile, a large blob of whipped cream comes falling from above and plops onto a very chocolatey Duo. To complete the masterpiece, candied cherries top his head, or what's left of it. The hentai girls scream even louder as Heero comes strutting, err, waddling onto stage. He's wearing boots and a pair of leather pants that look like they've painted on except for the fact his rear is completely covered with duct tape. He twirls and dances around the bowl, a little stiffly because his taped up pants. He spins and lands perfectly, his hands up in the air. Then he turns to the bowl. He takes his boots off and tries to take his pants off but they're too tight, for more reasons than one. He falls over and after five minutes of struggling, grunting, and cursing, he rips them off, much to the horror of the fic writer, and dives into the bowl. ~

LiLi: *smacks head against the wall* He wasted a perfectly good set of pants! *pouts*

~ A humongous blob of whipped cream falls onto the bowl and once again censors them from view. The blob shakes and wiggles, accented by Duo's uh, unique shrieks of "HEEEEERRROOOOOO!!! YEEEESSSSS!!! YEEEEEEEESSSSSSS!!!" A fat opera singer lady, complete with Viking horns and thick yellow braids and whatnot, comes waddling onto stage. She opens her mouth to sing but a suction cup arrow comes flying from offstage and hits her in the head, knocking her off the stage and crushing several unfortunate musicians. The curtain falls for intermission and the hentai girls go stock up on snacks and ammunition. ~

LiLi: *holds up the Bow and Arrow of Eternal Love TM and flashes the victory sign* It ain't over 'till the fat lady sings but I won't let it end yet! ^_^;; Hey Trowa! You ready?

Trowa: *fidgets in his costume* Do I have to wear this?

LiLi: *grins* Weeeeeell, it's got a nice view of your-

Trowa: Okay, okay, I get it.

LiLi: Good, now get on stage.

Quatre: These feathers itch.

LiLi: *facefaults* ……….

~ The curtain opens to the Swan Lake scene. There are grassy hills and trees everywhere. The spotlight shines on the lake in the middle of it all. Quatre is sitting by the water, wearing a long sleeveless white dress that goes down to his calves and matching white toe-shoes. White feathers are attached to his arms and there is one in his hair. The hentai girls nearly sigh with disappointment until one girl notices the huge slits that go all the way up to his waist. The music starts and he starts to dance. Quatre twirls and spins gracefully, letting the now drooling audience catch glimpses of what's under that dress of his. ~

Duo: I think you put more effort into the Swan Lake thing than our concerto ballet.

LiLi: *bonks him on the head with an arrow of Eternal Love TM* Shut up, the good part's coming up.

~ At last, Quatre twirls and falls onto the grass. Various pity-filled "aww"s come from the audience. The girls suddenly start to cheer as Trowa appears on the stage, wearing in a loose deep green and gold shirt over his black leotard and black tights. Many a nosebleed is the result of the author's taste in costumes. ~

Duo: I know you put more effort into this one.

LiLi: *whacks him on the head with a bat* Shut up, I'm trying to watch.

~ Trowa dances, spinning and twirling as the hentai girls scream for more. He jumps high into the air, somersaults and lands gracefully next to Quatre. Trowa takes the blond into his arms and kisses him as one hand slowly travels up his dress. He sets Quatre on the grass, both hands now up his dress. Quatre suddenly breaks away and stands up. Soft flute music plays as he dances lightly away from Trowa and closer to the water. He steps into the water and holds his hand out to Trowa. The banged boy practically rips his shirt off and dives into the water. The hentai readers once again squeal with glee as a white dress, green shirt, a dripping leotard and tights, and two pairs of toe-shoes, one black, the other white, and both dripping wet, come flying off the stage. The opera singer pokes her head up and sings one shrill note before plopping back to the ground. Glasses shatter, people within a fifty mile hearing range are deafened, and LiLi dabs her bleeding ears with Kleenex. The curtain falls. ~

LiLi: Okay, now it's over. *sweatdrops*

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As on every fic , all standard disclaimers apply. I do not own G-Wing, Bandai and all those other companies do. So don't sue. And forgive my overdose of sugar on this fic.