confusedreligionist

5.21.2001 (Mon) Sunny

I am a half christian??!!

I always want to be a religionist. I've been studying Buddhism, Christianity, and Islam for several years. I read their histories, religious stories, pictures etc. Except the mosque, I've been to many temples and churchs. I am not trying to be a "multi-religionist", and in fact, I'm trying to search my religion.

In my opinion, everyone should have a religion. Well, whatever, maybe I am wrong. I wanted to be a Christian after several years of study in religions. But I know I am not yet a good one. I never said I am a christian, and I never told my friends that I "will" be a christian eventually. I told them I "am going to" be a christian. It has difference. "am going to" means "no promises".

I really am not sure to sacrifice myself. I mean I am willing to help people around me. I am willing to be a volunteer in any charity organizations. But I am sure that I can't (don't want to) spend the Sunday morning in a church. To be honest, I fell asleep several times during the sunday morning church. It's very embarrassing. I told myself "If you really don't want to come, then don't come. Don't fall asleep in the church. It's a shame!!!" So I stopped going church on Sunday. Maybe one day, when I am energetic enough, I will go again. But when? who knows?

But one thing I am pretty sure is that I don't wanna be a muslim. One big reason is I can't give up eating pork...lol j/k .. I have some muslim friends who eat pork, smoke, and drink alcohol. They don't take their religions seriously.

I pray every night before bed after reading bible. My prayers were like " God, I hope people around me are good in health. My friends are doing great... blah blah blah.." sometimes I prayed especially for one friend or two. And ...forgive my bad mind if you are a christian. I think God didn't listen to my prayers at all since I am not a christian. :) I was just thinking...maybe I am wrong. God didn't give me what I wanted was to challenge me. Life, a family, friends, home, and everything I've already had are the gift that God gave me. I'm just too greedy.

(posted @23:24)