"Gary, I can explain…"
"What’s there to explain?" Gary asked, his voice rising. "You’re a homosexual and a cross-dresser?"
"NO!" Alanna screamed. She was so loud that she startled herself and stopped Gary from saying anything further. "I’m, well, a girl." Gary’s jaw dropped.
"I can’t believe it. First he tries to kiss me, dresses like Aria, and now he wants me to believe he’s a girl!" he thought to himself. "He used to be so innocent, too." Out loud, he said, "If you’re a girl, then where are your breasts?"
Alanna blushed. "I thought this neckline could tell you that." She blushed even more as Gary looked at her chest.
"Then what have you been doing with them all this time?"
Alanna wanted to curl up and die by now. "I bind them flat with a special corset I wear."
After much contemplation, Gary asked, "Why?"
"Well, Thom, my twin brother, was to become a knight and I was to go to a convent. But both of us knew that there was no way that he could become a knight and I could just be in a convent for forever. So, we decided to switch places. Thom didn’t have to pretend to be a girl, because it’s perfectly acceptable for a boy to learn magic. But, if I were to become a knight, I would have to pretend to be a boy." Alanna actually felt happy now that she had all this off her chest. "I just didn’t foresee falling for any of my knight friends," she added as an afterthought. She looked over at Gary.
He seemed to be piecing together all the odds and ends that didn’t make sense about Alanna over the years. Finally he looked up and smiled. "Well, is your name really Aria?"
"No," answered Alanna vehemently. "I hate that name! My real name is Alanna."
"Well, Alanna, I guess I already love the Aria part of you, and I’ve liked the Alan part for years," Gary said. "As a friend," he added quickly. He whistled. "I don’t know if I can like every part of you yet."
This was not what Alanna wanted to hear. So doing something out of character, she stood on her tiptoes, and kissed Gary. She had meant it to be a brief kiss, but to her surprise, Gary started to kiss back. It was a few minutes before they broke apart, both of them red. "Do you know now?" Alanna asked, almost shyly.
"I’m not sure…can we try again?" Gary asked.
Alanna laughed and leaned forward, tilting her chin up. This kiss was shorter than the other one, but even more passionate. "How about-," she was cut off as Gary swooped down on her again.
Alanna had liked the previous two kisses, and any kisses she had received before from anyone else, but this kiss, this kiss made her insides tremble and her knees give. She would’ve fallen if Gary wasn’t holding her up.
Gary grinned. "I had an inkling the second time, but I wanted to double-check, just to make sure," he informed her mischievously. Alanna wanted another kiss, but Gary stopped her by asking, "Well, who else knows?"
"Knows what?" Alanna was still floating in the clouds.
"That you’re a girl, of course."
"Oh, that. Well, let’s see…George and his mother, Jon at the Black City, Faithful, of course, and I think Myles may have guessed a while ago."
"Jon!" Gary let out an indignant squeak. "You mean to tell me Jon made you his squire knowing full well you were a girl? With adjoining doors and everything?!"
Alanna laughed. "Jealous?" she asked flirtatiously.
"Well, maybe."
"Don’t worry. Jon hasn’t seen me bare or anything like that," Alanna informed Gary.
"Well," Gary replied, mischief shining in his chestnut eyes, "neither have I."
"Well, Gareth of Naxen, we’re just going to have to see about that, aren’t we?"
More than anything right now, Alanna wanted to go up with Gary to his chambers. But she realized that there was no way for her get back to her chambers in the morning without being noticed. So after bidding Gary goodnight, and parting with a few kisses, Alanna went up to her room.
She found Faithful sitting on her bed, preening. She crossed her arms. "Well, what do you have to say for yourself?"
Faithful chose to answer her question with one of his own. "Did it work?"
Alanna blushed. "You’re lucky it did, you prissy cat, otherwise, you would be dead and buried by now."
"Maybe. But tell me, if it weren’t for me, you would never have told him."
Alanna glared at Faithful. "I’m not going to respond," she stated calmly, and started to undress.
"You just did."
Just then there was a knock on the door. Alanna had already gotten the top of her dress undone, so she called out, "Who is it?"
"Gary," was the muffled answer.
Alanna hastily pulled on the sleeves of her dress. She opened her door. "Yes?"
"Well, I was wondering," Gary began. "Does Jon know?"
"He was the one who told me to tell you I was a girl."
"Oh."
"Well, why’d you want to know?" Alanna asked. Gary was wringing his hands together, and in all her years at the palace, Alanna had never seen him so nervous.
"Er, well I was thinking, I could go there, that is, well…" he trailed of.
"Gary, what are you trying to day?!" Alanna was becoming very exasperated.
He cleared his throat. "Could I stay in your room tonight?"
Alanna was shocked, but recovered. She now knew what Gary was trying to say. "And in the morning you can go to Jon’s room, and come out of there!"
Gary grinned. He looked at Alanna and blushed.
"What is it now?" she asked. Seeing Gary blush made her feel really giddy.
"You’ve, er, come undone." Gary was grinning widely.
Alanna looked down. "Oh, for Mithros’s sake," she said, and started fumbling with the lace.
"Alanna?"
She looked up. Gary was very close to her. "Yes?" she asked, leaning forward, until their lips were a fraction apart.
Gary kissed her, passionately. Alanna removed her hands from the lace of her gown and held Gary. As she did so, her hands’ spot on her gown were taken by Gary’s hands. Alanna opened her mouth to protest, but was quickly silenced by Gary. He started to remover the lace that she put on. He slid her dress off her and picked her up and put her on her bed. He got in with her, and Faithful decided to exit the room.
***************
Alanna woke up and stretched. She looked down at her bed. Gary was no longer in the room. "He must have woken up early and left already to Jon’s room," she thought. She quickly got dressed and heard a knock on the door. She opened it and was net with Jon's grinning face.
"What?" she asked sleepily.
"Just wanted to let you know Gary left from my room this morning," he replied.
"I hope you don’t mind," Alanna responded.
"Of course not," Jonathan answered, ruffling Alanna’s hair. "Well, I’m off to say good morning to my parents. What are your plans for today?"
"I think I may go visit George…with Gary. At least this time, Gary will know he’s riding with a girl."
Jon grinned. "Have fun!" He left the room. Alanna sat down on her bed. As Jonathan closed the door behind him, Faithful slipped in.
"Hello. I didn’t even know you left," Alanna informed him.
"That," Faithful replied, "was obvious."
Alanna sneered at him, and started doing her morning exercises.
"Are you ever going to contact the Goddess?" Faithful asked her. Alanna stopped dead."
"I like it like this. So much, in fact that I want to stay here as long as possible," she answered, a serious look on her face.
"Well, you know you have to contact the Goddess sometime. Do you really want to fight Duke Roger all over again?"
"Not especially." Alanna was saved from thinking over her dilemma further by a knock on her door. "Who is it?" she called. The door opened. It was Gary.
Alanna stood up. "I wanted to see how you were doing," Gary told her, closing the door behind him. "Jon told me you wanted to go to the city. We can leave in a few minutes if you like. I just have to go see…" Gary was silenced abruptly by a kiss from Alanna.
"Enough talk," Faithful said, voicing Alanna’s thoughts.
Alanna ended the kiss and asked, "So who do you want to see?"
"Duke Roger. I have a question to ask of him." He saw the sour look on Alanna’s face. "What’s wrong," he asked.
"Duke Roger."
"What? What do you mean?"
Alanna desperately wanted to tell him her thoughts, but remembered that she had no proof. Besides, she wanted to have fun with Gary today. "Well, can’t you ask him later? I really want to go to the city now."
"Okay," Gary answered. Alanna remembered how good-natured he was. "We can leave right now. It is the weekend, so I don’t think Father will mind."
* * *
Alanna and Gary pulled up in front of the Dancing Dove, and went inside. They immediately found George. After making small talk for awhile, George stood up and said, "Alan, I have somethin’ for you in my chambers. Do you want to come? It’ll only take a minute."
Alanna looked over at Gary. "Sure," she answered, when Gary gave a small nod. She followed George.
"So, how’ve you been, lass?" he asked.
"Just fine, George."
"I can see that. I see Gary and you have gotten together?"
"Yes," Alanna answered happily.
"Lass, you know that was is meant to be will happen. I know you’re in love with Gary, but I just want you to know that I love you just as much, and I will always be at your command." His voice was oddly gruff, as he enveloped her in a hug.
"Of course, George." Alanna was painfully reminded of her life in the future. Who was she going to end up with?
*****************
Time started to move fast. Before Alanna knew it, it was the day before the Ordeal. All thoughts of contacting the Goddess were pushed to the back of her mind. She found though, that this time, she wasn’t at all nervous.
"I guess I know what I’m facing this time, so that makes it a lot easier on me," she told Faithful, as she was riding around the palace.
"Better still look nervous, so no one get suspicious," Faithful replied.
"Alan! Wait!" Alanna turned around to see who was hailing her. She smiled. It was Gary. She pulled on Moonlight’s reins so the horse stopped.
"Good morning, Gareth of Naxen."
"Good morning, my sweetling," Gary replied, tweaking her nose. "I had an inkling you would be riding around. Not nervous, are you?" He asked jokingly.
Alanna tried to make her laugh sound forced.
"Come on, let’s go down to the city. Have some fun before your big day."
"Fine with me, I guess," Alanna replied. She hadn’t really seen George since the time he had promised he would always do her bidding. The thought of seeing him really did make her nervous. Gary and Alanna started riding down to the city.
As usual, they found George on his throne. George gave Alanna somewhat of an appraising look which made her even more nervous.
"At least I don’t have to act," Alanna muttered.
"Shhh!" Faithful chided her.
"Hello, lads. What’s new in the palace? Haven’t seen ye around here lately."
"It’s been busy at the palace," Gary replied. "I forced Alan to come down and enjoy he-, I mean his day before the Ordeal."
"That’s right, lad. Your Ordeal is tomorrow. I’ve got a god luck charm for ye down in my chambers. I was hoping you would come see me." There was a somewhat of a pleading note in George’s voice, and Alanna’s stomach turned over.
Gary must’ve noticed the change in George’s voice too, for he pulled Alanna aside and asked, "Why do you always go down to his chambers? What do you do down there anyhow?"
"Gary! George is one of my best friends. He would never do anything of the sort!" Alanna whispered hotly. "Why in the world am I pleading for extra time with George?!" she thought to herself. And once again, Alanna found herself down in George’s chambers. This time, however, she kept a wide berth between them.
"You’re not afraid of me lass, are you?" George asked, his eyes sad.
Alanna stuck her chin up. "I’m not afraid of anything." At hearing that, George crossed the room in three great sides, and gave Alanna a bone-crushing hug. Alanna finally relaxed, and even returned the hug.
"Don’t get yourself into a mess," Faithful warned. For once, Alanna ignored her pet.
"Well, let’s drink to your Ordeal tomorrow," George told her, pouring out two glasses of whiskey for them. Alanna, completely relieved at George’s change in behavior, drank the cup to the very last drop.
As her eyes became leaden with sleep, she thought to herself, "I can’t believe I fell for it again!"
* * *
Alanna woke up out of her drugged sleep, and found herself back in her palace room. She turned her head toward her window. It looked like it was three in the morning, but Alanna felt refreshed like she had slept for days.
"Nice to see you’re up, sleepyhead," Gary greeted her, cheerfully. Alanna jumped.
"I didn’t see you there!" she yelled at him, accusingly. Gary grinned at her. Alanna started to get out of bed.
"No don’t!"
"What?"
"You’ll get out of bed in your flimsy nightdress, and one thing’ll lead to another, and you’ll be too tired for your Ordeal."
"Nonsense," Alanna retorted. "You were probably the one to dress me, anyhow."
"Yes, well, that involved a lot of self-control on my part," Gary said wickedly.
"Well, I don’t care." Alanna got out of bed, walked over to Gary, and plopped herself down on his lap.
"Alanna!" he said, exasperated. But he was too weak to protest as Alanna covered his mouth with hers. They were so busy, they didn’t notice Faithful walking into Jon’s room.
"Alanna?"
"Jon?" Alanna thought to herself. "Oh well, he’s going to have to wait for a couple of seconds.
"Alanna!"
"Go away, Jon!" Alanna’s mind screamed. Gary didn’t even seem to notice there was a third presence in the room.
"Alanna! Alanna! Alanna!"
Alanna’s temper got the better of her. She tore herself away from Gary and faced Jon. "What?!" she cried, very angrily.
"Well, I just wanted to let you know you had a bit of Gary on your face. But not to worry or anything, he’s gone now," Jonathan replied, backing far away from Alanna. He moved away just in time to miss a kick from a very angry redhead. Gary didn’t care. He was laughing as loudly as Jon was.
"Cousin, you have a good sense of humor for someone who’s going to be Kind someday," he informed Jon.
"Gary, I think we better let Alanna rest. Go on through my bedroom back to yours."
Gary shrugged at Alanna. "Can’t decline a royal order," he told her. As he walked out of the room, Alanna glared at Jon.
"What? I only listened to your cat!" And he left quickly too, closing the door behind him.
"Faithful?" Alanna asked, dangerously calm.
"I agreed with Gary when he said, ahem, extraneous activities would tire you out." He jumped out of the way, narrowly missing a flying pillow.
"Well, it was pretty funny," Alanna thought to herself, settling down on her bed. Before she knew it she was being awaked by a rough tongue licking her forehead.
"Hurry! Wake up, it’s time for the Ordeal!" Faithful mewed. "Jon and Gary are waiting. Alanna put on her ceremonial clothes in a hurry, and walked out of her bedroom. It was time for the Ordeal.
Gary and Jon led Alanna the sacred baths. As Alanna started to undress, Jon pulled Gary away form the bath.
"Come on, Gary, if you stay, she’ll never finish the Ordeal." Gary silently agreed, but this didn’t stop him from casting a few wistful glances toward Alanna as she yelped while splashing herself.
Alanna came out a few minutes later, dressed in her white robes that were needed for the Ordeal. Gary cleared his throat nervously and began reciting her in the Code of Chivalry, Jon helping here and there. Alanna really wasn’t paying attention to either of them, being that she knew the Code from back to front. She was paying more attention to how Gary talked with his hands and his earnest face as he talked about something he loved.
When they finished, Alanna popped back up to attention. They escorted her to the temple where she would sit and meditate the night. Jon hugged her, and walked away, leaving Gary and Alanna alone to talk.
Gary looked at Alanna for a few seconds, then pulled her into a hug. "Good luck, sweetling. I know you’ll do well." He sounded even more nervous than Alanna felt the first time she went through the Ordeal.
"Relax, Gary, you and Jon survived. I will too," she answered. Gary pulled away from her and gave her a quick kiss before walking away to join Jon. Alanna sat down and began her meditation.
I remember the last time I did this. It seems so long ago. I was so unsure back then…about Duke roger, about Jon, about George, about everything. It’s amazing how many answers I have now. Duke Roger…well, I’m surprised I didn’t see that from the start. I guess I’m due to go into his chambers in a few days, and find the incriminating evidence. Again. I could’ve contacted the Goddess awhile ago, and not have to break the Code again. But I’m too afraid. Because if I contact the Goddess, I have to make a decision. A big decision. I’m not ready for that yet. I love them both, in different times.
George…George was my friend from the beginning. He was the first person I told about my secret. I trust him with my life, and I know it’s the same for him. George lets me be myself, I know that by now. He’s still so charismatic and charming, and he can make me laugh. I love him, I know that, and that’s what makes my decision so hard.
I love Gary too. Gary was my friend for a long time too. He was my first real friend at the Palace. I don’t know how I would’ve gotten along without him those first few years. He made me laugh, he guided me. He accepted me even before Jon did. I wonder why I never saw it the first time around. I wouldn’t have seen it this time either, if it weren’t for that one decision I made. And thank the Goddess for that decision. Gary’s a whole new side to me. Usually, I let the man take charge in the relationship, and I still do with George. But with Gary, it’s like he’s waiting for me to make the move. He’s sexy, and I love his smile and his eyes. I just can’t decide.
I wonder what the Goddess must be thinking right now. I know she’s watching me through Faithful. I’ll have to make a decision soon. I hope she doesn’t pressurize me. This is too hard for me. The Ordeal will be easy compared to telling the Goddess who I want to spend the rest of my life. Especially since I know what to expect…
A priest shook Alanna out of her reverie. It was time to enter the Chamber.
Alanna took a deep breath to steel herself and walked in. The door closed behind her, leaving her in complete darkness. Alanna remembered this darkness, and sat still, waiting.
Suddenly she heard a noise to her right. She turned, catlike reflexes popping into action. She saw George, older, as she had left him to come back to her past.
"Alanna, where are you? I miss you, lass. Come back to me…I love you…"
Alanna resisted the urge to cry out, and bit her lip hard. This was not how things were supposed to be going. She looked at the now fading image of George, once again faced by her imminent decision.
"Sir Alanna?"
Alanna turned. She faced a girl who was a head taller than her. She looked up into her eyes; they were the eyes of a dreamer. Her brown hair was cropped short, and she had a few freckles across her face.
"Sir Alanna? Have you been avoiding me? You’re my hero, I want to meet you, just to say hello…"
Alanna knew who it was immediately. Squire Keladry. Another decision she had made. By avoiding the palace, she was avoiding Keladry as well, denying the girl her dream. Surely Numair would convince the conservatives that Alanna wouldn’t be magicking the girl if she went to the palace and talked to her for a matter of two seconds.
As Keladry faded away, another image took her place. This one she recognized instantly. Liam Ironarm. To think he would’ve been alive and functioning if she hadn’t asked for his help with the Dominion Jewel. He wouldn’t have accompanied her to Tortall, and been shot with an arrow. He might’ve been alive.
"No," she thought to herself, suppressing the urge to start crying. It wasn’t her fault. Actions caused by decisions were so random and complex, it would take even the brightest scholar to figure them out.
"Lass!" Once again she heard George’s voice. She pinched herself to keep her from responding to his call. She turned to face him, slowly. Standing next to him was Gary, Gary in the past, young and lively. Both had pleading looks on their faces. They cried out for her to love them, to be with each of them. She wanted to run toward both of them, but a barrier stopped her from doing so. Unlike the barrier she had felt so long ago, the first time she had gone through this, it was invisible.
"My daughter," cried a powerful voice.
Like it always did, the unreal, beautiful voice brought Alanna down to her knees. She looked up into the inhumanly pretty face, answering with her eyes.
"My daughter, I have been waiting. Why have you not come to me yet?"
Alanna kept silent. She couldn’t answer.
"I hope you have seen the point of me sending you back to your past. You shouldn’t be bored with your life. It is not worthless. The simple, everyday decisions you make affect people in many different ways. Live your life to the fullest, and be happy with everything you have. Many women would die for what you have."
Alanna stared back, taking in every word. The Goddess had a point, and she knew it.
"My daughter, I am not forcing you to make a decision on this matter now. But I must warn you; events have a way of happening, when they are not met with. Your time in the Chamber is over, hopefully for the rest of your life. Before the end of the year is out, you will be back in the future. Goodbye, my daughter…"
As the Goddess disappeared, Alanna felt a weight sliding down across her body. The Chamber door opened, and light spilled into the room. Alanna walked as best she could to get out of the room.
Gary rushed over to her, and supported her. She was vaguely aware of being carried up to her room.
As her eyes closed, she thought to herself, "Events have a way of happening by themselves…"
*****************
Alanna stood in front of all the people who had gathered for this Midwinter. "I’m getting knighted for the second time," she thought. She scanned the crowd, all of whom were cheering for her. She smiled. Jon was looking at her with pride on his face. Myles looked very much the same. Coram was grinning, so was Raoul. Roger’s face was unreadable, and Alex looked secretive. She saw Gary, who looked so proud and so loving. Her breath caught in her throat, when a man in a burnoose who looked very much like George wink at her. When she was knighted, she stood up. Out of the audience stepped a slender man, who without a beard, looked very much like her.
"Thom!" she cried, running down to hug him. It felt so great to see Thom again, after all these years. Thom returned the hug, and then turned to the majesties. "I am Sir Alan’s brother, Thom, Lord of Trebond, and a Master of the Mithran light. I would like to present him his shield."
With a nod of his head, King Roald accepted.
Once again, Alanna got her famous shield. She smiled at the Trebond coat of arms, knowing what was lying underneath. She bowed to the majesties, and the hall erupted in applause. She didn't blush like last time, because she knew that all her friends truly loved her.
She and Thom walked back to her room, and he showed her what the shield would really look like. Alanna felt a pang as she saw her brother laugh. "If only I had gotten Si Cham to visit him sooner…" she thought.
"NO!" another voice in her head thought. "Remember what the Goddess said!"
She and Thom walked down to join the others for the banquet.