chapter 17
Im Awesome, While You, on the Other Hand, Probably Are Not
After i wrote the last chapter of this book i discovered something that slightly amuzes me. I discovered that when something i write in this book doesnt make people piss themselves with laughter, it is suddenly 'boring'. Well, fuck you. It seems the problem is not that im boring, but that i am so much smarter than the average retard reading this book that my unparalleled and ingenious train of thought is about 933762762 x's higher (smarter) than their's (the average retard, meaning you, more than likely). However humerous this might be, it creates a serious and nagging problem for me in writing this book. That problem is: How can i possibly dumb this book down enough for you to understand it? Well honestly i have no idea. The situation reminds me of a short fable i once heard that i would like to share with you now.
Once upon a time, there was wolf that lived alone in the woods. The wolf's name was...Gary. Gary was a badass. All he did was play Day of Defeat and Enemy Territory and whip out brutal metal solos on guitar and he was a genious. However, he lived all alone and had never come in contact with anybody else. That is, until .....june 1st 1988. Bon Jovi was coming through town and probably like a BILLION people were coming to see them.
Of course by 'people' i mean other animals...like Gary. Gary went to the concert because he was a closet Bon Jovi fan. Which is gay but thats beside the point. Some people started talking to Gary and when he started talking back they said he was boring because he was such a badass genious. This pissed Gary off so he totally brutalized EVERY ANIMAL THERE. First, Gary whipped out his Jackson DX-7, 7 string badass metal guitar and started tearing up the most insane solo with his left hand, while simulateously donkey punching everybody within 10 feet with his right hand. Then Gary smelled something burning and realized that he had been soloing so hard that the guitar had BURST INTO FLAMES!!! BRUTAL!!!!! Gary took the flaming guitar and stabbed Bon Jovi right in the forhead. Then, with Bon Jovi's flaming decapitated head stuck on the end on his guitar, he shoved it up the collective asses of the rest of the 80,000 people there.
If you read that entire story im seriously proud because in actuality it had nothing to do with anything. But it was metal as hell. My point is this: which brings me to my next point: me and a friend wrote a pretty badass movie script and id like you to all read it. here it is:
crap i lost the script. that leaves me with pretty much nothing for this chapter....
well i have a question that ive had on my mind for some time now and i think this is a good opportunity to ask it.
Lets pretend that in your pocket you have $10,000 and its your last bit of money for the rest of your life, after its gone youll have no more money. Now say you have the runs real bad i mean this is explosive diarrhea. So you're going to take a dump and your wallett, which has all your $10,000 is hanging out of your pocket. You pull your pants down to do your business and OH GOD!! YOUR WALLETT WITH ALL YOUR MONEY FALLS IN THE TOILET!! AND WORSE, YOU DIDNT SEE!! So you continue with your business and take a HUGE diarrhea dump in the toilet on top of ur wallett. When you stand up and look to admire your handy work, you see your wallett in the toilet underneath all that dirty dumpness and think to yourself 'oh dude this sucks, and it especially sucks because im handcuffed for eterenity...and ankle cuffed.' OH DAMMIT!! YOU JUST REMEMBERED YOU ARE HANDCUFFED AND ANKLECUFFED!!! The only way to get your money out would be to stick your face in the pile of watery diarrhea and grab your wallet in your mouth, mean you have to OPEN YOUR MOUTH IN A TOILET FULL OF DIARRHEA!!! Would you do it? its your last bit of cash. i still dont know if i would.
think long and hard....
long and hard...hahahhaa
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