Pause
– Noting the non - random moments in life.
William K. Cumberland
Have you ever tried to solidify a moment in words? I get those moments when I have to write down an event and figure out the best way to portray my feelings to others. You can choose a short story, a poem, a brief statement or a paragraph in prose. Relating an idea can be a process of utter brilliance or it can fall flat on its face.
The moment I wanted to relate was an event that happened to me the other night. At first, I wanted to put the idea or thought in poetic prose, but the person that inspired my reflection is a woman, and I don’t want to portray the wrong idea. So, I’m just writing it down.
Sometimes, formulating your thoughts on paper can be tough, other times it comes to you easily. In life, some moments make you pause and think. They stand out from the ordinary instances in life and color our otherwise gray logic. These pauses in ‘reality’ cause us to question our disinterested stance and force us to re-cast our focus. These pauses can bring to bear harsh truths we fail to notice, and on certain occasions, pleasant and needed moments that confirm our humanity.
After walking back from my friend, Dan’s house late one
evening, I was thinking of heading home and reading before calling it quits on
my day. My neighbors, whom I think the
world of, were having a party on their front porch. To get an idea of this place, you have to
imagine an older Victorian home, with
Not ‘normal’ talk, mind you, but hey, I don’t live in a nuclear neighborhood.
When you come across a group of people you don’t know or haven’t spent too much time with, you try to fit yourself in as best you can. Conversation is no different. The best position to take is to simply listen and make brief introductions, then let the original speakers continue to conversation they had been discussing before you came around. It’s not only polite and courteous; it’s also the right thing to do. It shows respect for the parties that you are talking with, plus in an age where everyone wants their fifteen minutes, people are ‘more’ attentive to what you say whenever you give them ground to talk.
Ok, I’ve laid out the framework, here’s what happened.
My friend Dawn was sitting to my left and she was the closest person to me. (Outside of the fact she and my other friend where the only people I knew there.) I chose to sit next to her because she’s a person I identify with, plus I’m nervous about meeting new people sometimes. This is the exact opposite of my friend, who has no problem starting a conversation or making introductions at most occasions. I have a profound respect for people with this skill. It shows that they are at ease with themselves on some levels and are able to socially relate to people on a larger scale.
This was the exact reason that I sat beside her; she knows everyone and I feel comfortable talking with her. It takes a bit for me to feel open enough with people to say what I feel. We live in very judgmental times, but since the talk had drifted towards the supernatural, I felt that it was ok to open up a bit.
During any given gathering of human beings, some people emerge as strong or interesting speakers. One person that was there commanded, through her speech, most of the table discussion for a good part of the evening. Another, a young lady who was an actress and a local waitress, was an inclusive speaker, who didn’t let even me get by without saying something. I enjoy people who are inclusive and who try to get others involved in what they are doing; it means they don’t want anyone to feel left out. Still, I usually listen and keep my mouth shut in crowds like this. If I do have a point, it’s either unsaid or ill communicated. Rarely do I get across exactly what I’m trying to say.
I’m a writer; you get my point or ideas days, or even weeks after the fact. On the fly, I couldn’t talk my way out of cul-de-sac, but I can relate my thoughts better in words.
So when I do speak, it’s of importance to me because I’ve formulated what I am going to say minutes before it comes out.
Ironically, the conversation at hand was something that I was completely familiar with. I’ve been studying Native American religion, Shamanism and Buddhism for a while. Yet, I still didn’t join the conversation fully, but started talking to Dawn instead.
Some people make you feel at ease, and my neighbors are no different. When intelligent conversation is lacking, I usually head over to talk to them. Dawn is a highly intelligent person whom I enjoy talking to about subjects that most other people have little understanding or knowledge. Plus, a lot like me, she’s had a tough time coming up and events that would force most people to chose victim hood, instead, polished her character. I respect this and I always pay attention to what she says. People of this caliber usually have something important to relate.
I had turned down several offers for beer because I didn’t’ want anyone troubling themselves unnecessarily. The fridge is more than stones throw from the porch, plus I didn’t want them to get up for my sake. But, my friend brought me a beer anyway. It’s a small thing, stuff you really don’t think about, but it means a lot. It means that person is caring and perceptive enough to realize that you are there, plus it just makes you feel good. It made me appreciate my friend more and it made me pause to think.
Pauses are great things, good moments, regardless if the situation is a ‘negative’ or ‘positive’ learning experience. If you take pauses, or catch on to things, it makes you appreciate life more. .
During the middle of my conversation with her, another speaker interjected themselves into our group and began discussing some matter that they had on their mind. I stopped speaking and we both directed our attention to the conversation.
Regrettably, I had something that I really wanted to say, but I had forgotten what I was going to talk about. We just looked at each other smiled as if to say ‘Oh well’ and continued to follow the speaker. After a long period of time, probably longer than ten minutes, the conversation began to wane.
During this time, I noticed Dawn turning her head back towards me. She simply said, “What were you trying to say?”
By that point, I had completely forgotten. I drew a blank and said, “I don’t remember, must not have been important.” She just smiled.
At that moment, at that pause in life, it didn’t matter one
iota what I had been saying, or what I was attempting to say. No that wasn’t the most important thing, but
what I did realize that she had held in her mind, for that period of time, the
fact that I was going say something to her and she wanted to hear my
thoughts. Regardless if it had been
about the price of tea in
That means a lot to a person like me who has a hard time relating ideas vocally. It sure made me appreciate her even more. Most people would have forgotten, flowed into the evening conversation and released that thought like a leaf floating downstream.
Not Dawn, no she remembered and it meant the world to me at that moment that she did.
It was a well-needed pause, one that allowed me to smile at my life and count my blessings. I’ve had a great life, it’s been tough at times, I was beaten for 14 years and my self-esteem sometimes suffers, but nonetheless, my life is great. People, like Dawn, make my life even better. They restore my faith in humanity and in the human condition.
Now, you may ask why I spent two hours gathering these thoughts together. Well, as we get older, we forget those moments and to keep that from happening, I wanted to capture it in pen.
Plus, I wanted to share it with her. To say thanks, for lack of better words. It means a lot when you say something; it means even more that the other person is listening.
I wrote this for her, because I wanted to let her know that every time that she talks or has something important to say: I am listening too.
And that’s all that matters.