Excerpt
(pages 205-207) fromJudas: Betrayer or Friend of Jesus?
Excerpt
(pages 205-207) from
Judas: Betrayer or Friend of Jesus?
A suicide note left behind by Judas Iscariot has recently come to light and been sent on to John Mark in Antioch who is, we are told, writing an account of the days of Jesus. It is being shared with all the followers of the Way for it throws some light on the role of our much maligned associate, Judas, in the death of our Lord. It was written in Aramaic and is here translated into Greek for the benefit of those interested.
I, Judas, write with my own hand. My soul is in turmoil. I have seen the guards leading Jesus from the house of Caiaphas towards Pilate's hall of judgment. I am at my wits end and I do not know which way to turn. My heart has turned to water. What made our High Priest turn our Lord over to the Romans? Does he not know that to deliver a Jew over to a heathen ruler is a serious transgression of our laws? What is left for me to do?
Jesus cannot possibly escape from the clutches of Pilate—not at feast time! The jaws of Roman oppression do not open to free their victims. If he is not delivered from the fist of Pilate he will most assuredly be delivered unto death by him.
What did Jesus say to Caiaphas to bring about this drastic change?
For the last three years I have been a disciple of Jesus of Nazareth. They have been years of great joy and much excitement. They have also been frustrating and disappointing.
In the last few months especially it has been very confusing for Jesus seems to have become totally absorbed with his impending death. Why? We do not know.
It all came to a head during this Passover celebration. As usual we had one of those worshipful and enjoyable dinners with Jesus when he had deep sharing with each other and Jesus spoke of the coming Kingdom and the meals we would have with him when the Kingdom comes. He also returned to a topic which has been much on his mind: his being handed over to the High Priests. Each disciple wondered, Am I the One to be chosen? The lot fell to me and Jesus commissioned me to do it.
What is then to become of me? What future is there for me? Ah perhaps he will unseat Pilate from his throne. Jesus can be so persuasive. Perhaps he can persuade Pilate voluntarily to give up his throne to Jesus. What a ruler he would be! If not—what then? What if Jesus did not speak out on his own behalf? The priests may have turned against him and testified against him to Pilate. Pilate may well yield to their entreaty and have him killed since he is one who upsets the people. He lays a charm on them. They follow him, willy-nilly as I, myself, Peter and many others did. What if Jesus is condemned to die?
I have agonized over whether I should die with him. He often said the disciple is not above his master and that we must suffer with him. If our Lord dies, there is no honor greater than to die with him.
I am terribly frightened, sad and troubled. I never had all this in mind. Who would ever have thought that the kingdom of God could end this way? If Jesus dies on the cross, surely he cannot be the Messiah.
I am trying to think it all through. I am one of the Twelve whom Jesus chose to represent the new Israel of God. I have had duties to perform. I gave it my best. I discharged those duties as well as I could, always under the mandate of Jesus himself. He never rebuked me.
For three years I served as treasurer of the wandering group of followers who stayed with him. As treasurer I kept the records and paid the bills. I took in donations from our supporters, especially the women, and I kept the members informed on the status of our resources. My years with Jesus were the best I have ever had—much better than the time I worked in the treasury of the Temple, the bank of the people.
So much has gone wrong. I was picked to hand Jesus over to the High Priest. For weeks Jesus had spoken with certainty about being handed over to evil men to be killed. All of us who traveled with him rejected these predictions and assumed that Jesus once was again speaking in violent metaphors which could not possibly come to pass.
Certainly the High Priest is not an evil man! He is divinely ordained to see that law and order are observed in the land. So when the assignment was given to me to hand Jesus over to the High Priest, I did it willingly, honored by the trust which Jesus placed in me. I was sure that once the High Priest and Jesus would meet, they could agree on the need for the renewal of the people of Israel—and perhaps even on the methods to be used.
At each step Jesus encouraged me to proceed; I did nothing he did not command. If anyone asks, why did I do it? let them be clear that I had learned that the essence of discipleship is to do what Jesus asked of us. What Jesus wanted done, I was prepared to do.
Just now word has come to me that Pilate has condemned Jesus to death. I have come back from the Temple and those misguided priests will not even allow me to cancel the deal! I threw the money at their feet. I told them that Jesus was an innocent man.
I will die with him. For the sake of my wife and children, let this act of taking my own life also be seen in the light of my love for my master. If he dies, I want to die with him.
Our great King Saul had an armor bearer who died with his king.* God of mercy, if he has chosen to die rather than fight for his kingdom he will find at least one disciple who is prepared to die with him. I leave my fate to God alone and hand over my life to him, just as I handed His son over to the High Priest, God's highest authority in the land. Adonai, I beg you, please may the children of Israel, find peace. Do not desert the Messiah. Do not desert me. Care for my wife and children. Guard them in your tent of peace.
Signed in my own hand,
Judas Iscariot
*1 Samuel 31.5.—Editor
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