I have created this page to laugh at myself first.
I feel in order to get through this life, we absoutely must have
a sense of humor and not take everything so serious!!!

These are silly true stories from my life, so you won't be reading it anywhere else(not that you'd want to...lol).

ON A SCALE FROM ONE TO TEN

A friend had asked me to accompany her to a local hospital where she was to have outpatient surgery that day. It was very early morning and all was quiet in the waiting room. We were sitting side by side and were engaged in idle chatter to pass the time away. I have a hearing problem, and she was on the good side, so I thought, well, I think I'm hearing what she is saying, so I didn't worry to much about it. At 6 AM in the morning, what earth shattering statements could one make anyway, I lulled myself into believing. I had a bad habit of saying uh-huh to most everything if I didn't hear them, because it became very tiresome to have to ask 10 times what someone said. This was my routine this early morning and thought all was going very well until there was a lull in our conversation. In a louder tone, my friend asked me "On a scale of 1 - 10, JUST HOW BAD IS MY BREATH?" I immediately said "What????.... I didn't say you had bad breath!". She retorted that yes I had, she said "I asked you if I had bad breath and you said Uh-Huh"! The waiting room no longer was quiet as I nearly fell out in the floor laughing. I assured her that I did not hear her question or otherwise I would have told her no she did not have bad breath!


MAMA CAN'T HEAR A WORD YOU SAY!!!

My middle son William was visiting from Texas one year when Eddie decided to explain my hearing loss to him. He told him that if he said anything to me and I just stood there looking silly, that I had not heard a word he had said and to just repeat himself! I ask you, is it my fault that my sons mumble, a few TV stations have a low key audio, and a lot of people speak in a soft voice.....certainly not! My youngest son Eddie asked me if I didn't think I should be getting a hearing aid as a deterrent against embarrassing myself any further. I told him that might be a good idea as I have noticed a very strange look on some peoples faces as I've used my "uh huh" and "no" answers instead of asking them to repeat themselves! No telling what I've said "uh huh" and "no" to!!!!

TWIGGY

As is with the most of the world, I have a slight weight problem.
The following is a picture of what I would look like if I had kept off
the entire 3,000 lbs I have lost in my lifetime.

ps... It's 2008 now and I have maintained a weight loss of 130 lbs
for the last 5 years...wahoo!!

SOME HELPFUL HINTS CONCERNING CHOCOLATE!

1. If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.
2. Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
3. The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.
4. Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less.
5. A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?
6. If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet?
7. Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.(unknown author)

IS IT A PLOT???

Why do stores insist on putting the Petites and Plus Size clothing side by side? It frays my nerves to be shopping for one of the "x" sizes, while glancing out of the corner of my eye, I see a little, bitty size "- 0" looking for a mini skirt!!!!!
I've been assured by store managers that this is not a plot against all overweight women, but simply that both sizes are speciality sizes and therefore go in the same section. Yeah right!!!!!!!

THE ROLLED UP WINDOW AND MCDONALD'S DRIVE THRU SPEAKER

My husband had bad eyesight and I can't hear very well. One evening we drove through McDonald's drive thru to order dinner. I could not understand what the person was saying and became a little frustrated. My husband quipped from the passenger side of the car "well, if you'd roll the window down, you might could hear what they are saying"! I assured him that the window WAS rolled down, and it wasn't MY fault if all one could hear from the speaker was a few broken words now and then. Needless to say, we both had a good laugh out of that one.

THE CASE OF THE MISSING ONION

I love Vidalia onions and had pealed one and put it in a little baggie, all ready to chop up and use. My concentration like everyone elses these days, is non-existent, so after putting the onion in the baggie, my mind was gone somewhere else for about an hour or so. The next day, I looked in the fridge for my onion....well, it was nowhere to be found! I searched all over the kitchen for my onion....it seemed to be nowhere. About a week later, everytime I went in the kitchen, I smelled something that seemed to be rotten. I began looking everywhere for the smell. I opened one of the doors above the counter,
and there in all it's glory was my vidalia onion....beginning to smell and rot, up in the cabinet instead of the fridge! Oh, well, I just pealed another and tried very hard to pay attention where I put this one!


DOES SHOE POLISH GO IN THE FRIDGE?

For some strange reason, I had used the Fantastic to clean my white shoes in the kitchen sink. Then I polished my shoes there also. All was well with the world I thought...my shoes were clean and polished, except for the fact that I had once again lost my concentration and put the shoe polish in the fridge instead of back in the hall closet where it belonged. When I found it in the fridge a few days later, I couldn't help but laugh out loud! After talking to several women, both young and old, I have realized that memory and concentration is a thing of the past for most of us. Evidently, we have too much on our minds these days, or it's all the chemicals in all the foods and in the air! It couldn't be a problem of senility could it???

Hope you can relate to some of this and have had at least a smile :). Hugs, Eve