Title: Red

Author: Princesstwilite2@aol.com

Rating: R

Summary: Fred has an encounter with a red haired woman. Fred/Willow -

slight Fred/Gunn.

Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be.

Author's note: This is my first slash fic. Tell me that it's

something worth reading. * g * The fic is a little jumpy, but it's

meant to be.

Distribution: UCSL, Near her Always, and Pylean Refugee. (Any Willow

site as well - just let me know)

Archive: http://thatvisionthing.org/whip

Pylean Refugee (Fred Writer's Zone):

http://chemistry.thatvisionthing.org/

* * *

"Is this your first time?"

The whisper haunted her, had her flipping hap hazardly across her

single bed. Remembering soft hands, smoothing across the planes of

her skin.

" Yea'. I've never been with a woman before."

Had never wanted to. Never expected to. Until her.

Out there, she could hear Cordelia and Angel laughing, flirting. She

could go out and join the fun, she should. But she wanted to stay

here, up in her room, with her memories.

" I'll be careful with you."

And she had been. Her fine white skin had been soft, so soft it was

like tears sliding through her palms. It was so different, as much as

she loved Gunn - his big beautiful hands, wide lips and jaw - there

was a thrill from a woman's silky fingers. The thrill of the unknown,

knowing what you were doing wasn't right exactly, but couldn't be

wrong.

She was a cheater. Her mother had told her to never lie, to never do

any of the things she'd done.

Not with Gunn. And certainly not with that sad eyed woman, with a

halo of red hair.

They'd met on a street corner. She was just looking in at the news

stand, the sun glinting down on her and turning that red hair to

fire. Fred had thought, with a fearful skitter in her tummy - now

that's the saddest, prettiest woman I've ever seen. Not beautiful -

but pretty, something sweet and painful.

She'd asked her what was wrong, because she was herself after all,

and she had a hard time shutting up. The woman's eyes had turned from

the newspaper, and her eyes had seemed like something deep.

So deep you could fall and fall and never hit the bottom.

Fred rolled over, stared at the ceiling.

" Fred?" There was a knock on her bedroom door. She didn't answer at

first, but the knock came again.

" Yeah?" She called.

" Are you okay?" Cordelia asked, peaking her head in. Fred buried

herself beneath the covers, afraid that if she looked at Cordelia too

closely, she just might start seeing her like something sexual too.

" I'm fine." She yawned, curling further into the soft covers. " Just

tired."

"You were out late last night." Cordelia sat next to her. " Angel

told me."

Yeah, he would. Angel babbles a lot in front of you now. Never did

that in front of me.

" Just kinda walked around." Turned her head into the pillows. Wasn't

good at lying. " Thinking."

" About?"

" You know." Sighed, shifted and remembered tumbled red hair sliding

against the skin of her stomach. " I think I'm gonna go on a visit to

my parent's soon. I haven't… talked to them much lately. I missed

them."

She did miss them. But this was a desperate lie.

Get away from me now, Cordelia. I may be crazy, but I sometimes need

time alone.

Cordelia soon gave up on conversation, but she talked with Angel

outside her door, concerned. She knew he'd come in later, and try to

pull whatever was wrong out of her. She hoped it wouldn't take to

long for him to understand… there wasn't something wrong really… just

not right.

This woman, she didn't know her name. They'd talked for a little on

the side walk, and something had come through her eyes and she'd

asked her for lunch.

" Sure. Lunch would be great. Food is good."

Cursed herself for saying that. Stupid. But the woman with red hair

had only looked away, as if a guilt was settling in on her. They'd

spent lunch talking, pretending something wasn't happening there.

Fred had told the woman about Gunn - and she'd seemed slightly put

off. Then mentioned a guy named Oz, and asked what she thought about

love.

" Love? Love's something between two larger than life souls." Thought

of Gunn. Thought of her. " That's all I know."

Gunn would be hurt. So bad. So she didn't tell him.

This red haired woman had liked the way she talked of love, her hand

on her knee.

She told Fred she'd been in love once. Still was.

Why those words had hurt - Fred hadn't known. But she did. Did so

much know that the ceiling wasn't a good thing to look at any more,

because she remembered looking up at a hotel room ceiling, feeling a

woman's mouth touch her in places only Gunn's had.

It was so different. Not better or worse. Just different. Felt good

in this new wonderful way.

The woman had invited her back to her hotel. Said she didn't want to

be alone. Fred pretended she didn't know what those words meant.

But when she was the first to kiss her. Her lips pressing apart the

womans.. the woman with red hair.

She cried. Not her. Red.

Cried while making love to her.

She wondered if she should be ashamed.

After all - she hadn't cried. Hadn't thought of anyone but Red, and

the way her body was just like her own. And that her breasts were

small, like her own.

Gunn had called her - but Angel told him she was out.

She'd asked Gunn for a break after, no matter how hard he had fought

it, storming around his apartment, throwing dirty dishes into the

sink as if he could clean his heart out. He'd asked her why? Tried to

make love to her - but it hadn't been what she'd wanted. Nott after

knowing what she'd done to him. The way his eyes looked at her, raked

over her skin still made her hum… but now she felt like if he touched

her - he'd be touching a lie.

In the end he'd stormed out of the apartment, leaving the door

swinging open.

Sorry Charles, I love you, but right now - I think I just might love

her too. And that ain't good for you.

She'd woken up - and Red was gone. And her own clothes had been

folded neatly on the chair beside the motel bed. No sign that Red had

ever been there - but for the scent of sex and perfume, lefft

lingering.

Ouch. Oh damn it, ouch.

Rolled over, tossed off the covers and stole to her dresser. She

pulled out the pillow case she'd palmed from the hotel room. Brought

it to her face and just breathed it in. Stood there with her hair all

over the place, eyes wet from a pain she hadn't known before, and

smelled what was left of Red right there on that pillow.

Wondered, how she'd fallen in love with two people.

And realized she didn't have a choice anyway, Red was in love with

someone else - and it seemed couldn't have them.

She would have given anything to have that - one blissful chance, to

make a choice.

No matter how hard, she knew it would have been, to choose.

End