Let It Flow

By Northwind of Otters

 

A Commentary on the Grammar of Eragon:

 

Now—please believe me—I am not very good at grammar. My punctuation and spelling are atrocious, and also I wrote a paper this year that half my class could not understand because, according to my teacher, I was writing at about twelfth grade level. I found and still find it so frustrating that my fellow classmates struggle through my simple history paper and my writing friends groan and shake their heads when they see me come their way with a stack of papers. Another thing I might note is that I am very picky about immaturity in writing. I try not to be that way, but I just hate choppy sentences and I positively despise the lack of commas in some people’s dialogue—it depends so much on style, though. I love to weave my sentences in an artful manner, instead of leaving the reader with no choice of imaginative images save that of which I have written on my paper. I am a “romantic” writer, and no, I do not mean the kissing and hugging type of romance—I mean the style. I find it an ever-increasing style in today’s literature to just be plain and forward with your writing, not beautiful and thoughtful as it once was. Therefore, I am here to give you an example in a new book out this year, Chrisopher Paolini’s Eragon.

 

First off, we’ll start with a quote: “The Shade forced back his impatience as the minutes became hours. The scent must have wafted far ahead of its owners. He did not let the Urgals get up or warm themselves.”

 

Note the periods.  They prove to stop the thought every time they occur, not allowing the sentence to get the flow it needs. Try reading the above quote aloud to yourself; as you can see, it is very difficult to make a smooth, flowing thought from the sentence. Now, though I’ve read this section three times, I can’t for the life of me figure out exactly what he means. I won’t try and rewrite his sentences—the fact that the smell is far ahead of its owners is what leaves me stumped. He mentions the smell of the Urgals, his underlings, and also the people they are attempting to capture, so I am unable to determine which it is.

 

Another quote: “’Perhaps. Saphira, where does our path go from here? Murtagh offered to come with us. I don’t know his past, but he seems honest enough. Should we go to Varden now? Only I don’t know how to find them. Brom never told us.’”

 

Now, my friend pointed out that the first situation was a “tense moment” in which it may have been appropriate to use the periods in such a matter, but I, the ever-critical, disagreed. Here we see an example of dialogue between Eragon and Saphira (his dragon). They are perfectly at ease and yet still we meet the choppy sentences. I find this irritating beyond comprehension and I would like to show you an example of some very well-written sentences.

 

“He wanted to go after her, but knew if he did, he would say or do something more to regret. He had seen the effect of his words had upon her.

 

Stooping down, he picked up a thick branch, broke it in half, and tossed it onto the fire, causing a burst of sparks to fly heavenward.” This is a quote from As Sure as the Dawn, by Francine Rivers, a part of the series called the Mark of the Lion, set during the time of Jesus and concerning a man and woman who are escaping from Rome and its influences.

 

You can see the sentence structure is so much more developed and is more pleasing. I believe you can relate better to Astretes’ anger and frustration because when we think, it is neither choppy nor broken into pieces; it is one continual motion.

 

And I have yet one more example of well-constructed sentences:

 

“With that knowledge came also a sense of hopeless, impotent rebellion against the unreasonableness of it all. There were scores of men no better than I was whose punishments had at least been reserved world; and I felt that it was bitterly, cruelly unfair that I alone had been signaled out for so hideous a fate.” The Phantom ‘RickShaw by Rudyard Kipling

 

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I shall finish up this article with a few tips for writing well-constructed sentences.

 

First, read literature with the style you would like to mirror. Believe me, this is one of the best ways to hone your writing skills. I often find that if I read Shakespeare, my verse/prose improves. In fact, when our school had what is called a speech meet, and, in my nervous state, I forgot part of my poem, I was able to finish it with rhyme and meter correct, even though I had made up my own ending on the spot. I am convinced that it had been the fact that I had been reading a lot of poetry and also practicing writing it.

 

Another suggestion is that while you are writing your story and you find that your sentences are choppy, continue, then reread and edit. It helps to reread everything and correct as necessary after you’ve gotten the whole story out instead of stopping in the middle of the flow of creative juices.

 

And, finally, practice. Practicing your writing is as important as practicing an instrument. You must explore both new literature and new ways of writing, but please, please, for the sake of those who must read your work of art, avoid the plague of choppy sentences.