Let It Flow
By Northwind of Otters
A Commentary on the Grammar of
Eragon:
Now—please believe me—I am not very good at grammar. My
punctuation and spelling are atrocious, and also I wrote a paper this year that
half my class could not understand because, according to my teacher, I was
writing at about twelfth grade level. I found and still find it so frustrating
that my fellow classmates struggle through my simple history paper and my
writing friends groan and shake their heads when they see me come their way
with a stack of papers. Another thing I might note is that I am very picky
about immaturity in writing. I try not to be that way, but I just hate choppy
sentences and I positively despise the lack of commas in some people’s
dialogue—it depends so much on style, though. I love to weave my sentences in
an artful manner, instead of leaving the reader with no choice of imaginative
images save that of which I have written on my paper. I am a “romantic” writer,
and no, I do not mean the kissing and
hugging type of romance—I mean the style. I find it an ever-increasing style in
today’s literature to just be plain and forward with your writing, not
beautiful and thoughtful as it once was. Therefore, I am here to give you an
example in a new book out this year, Chrisopher Paolini’s Eragon.
First off, we’ll start with a quote: “The Shade forced back
his impatience as the minutes became hours. The scent must have wafted far
ahead of its owners. He did not let the Urgals get up or warm themselves.”
Note the periods.
They prove to stop the thought every time they occur, not allowing the
sentence to get the flow it needs. Try reading the above quote aloud to
yourself; as you can see, it is very difficult to make a smooth, flowing
thought from the sentence. Now, though I’ve read this section three times, I
can’t for the life of me figure out exactly what he means. I won’t try and
rewrite his sentences—the fact that the smell is far ahead of its owners is
what leaves me stumped. He mentions the smell of the Urgals, his underlings,
and also the people they are attempting to capture, so I am unable to determine
which it is.
Another quote: “’Perhaps. Saphira, where does our path go
from here? Murtagh offered to come with us. I don’t know his past, but he seems
honest enough. Should we go to Varden now? Only I don’t know how to find them.
Brom never told us.’”
Now, my friend pointed out that the first situation was a
“tense moment” in which it may have been appropriate to use the periods in such
a matter, but I, the ever-critical, disagreed. Here we see an example of
dialogue between Eragon and Saphira (his dragon). They are perfectly at ease
and yet still we meet the choppy sentences. I find this irritating beyond
comprehension and I would like to show you an example of some very well-written
sentences.
“He wanted to go after her, but knew if he did, he would say
or do something more to regret. He had seen the effect of his words had upon
her.
Stooping down, he picked up a thick branch, broke it in
half, and tossed it onto the fire, causing a burst of sparks to fly
heavenward.” This is a quote from As Sure
as the Dawn, by Francine Rivers, a part of the series called the Mark of
the Lion, set during the time of Jesus and concerning a man and woman who are
escaping from
You can see the sentence structure is so much more developed
and is more pleasing. I believe you can relate better to Astretes’ anger and
frustration because when we think, it is neither choppy nor broken into pieces;
it is one continual motion.
And I have yet one more example of well-constructed
sentences:
“With that knowledge came also a sense of hopeless, impotent
rebellion against the unreasonableness of it all. There were scores of men no
better than I was whose punishments had at least been reserved world; and I
felt that it was bitterly, cruelly unfair that I alone had been signaled out
for so hideous a fate.” The Phantom
‘RickShaw by Rudyard Kipling
*^*^*
I shall finish up this article with a few tips for writing well-constructed
sentences.
First, read literature with the style you would like to
mirror. Believe me, this is one of the best ways to hone your writing skills. I
often find that if I read Shakespeare, my verse/prose improves. In fact, when
our school had what is called a speech meet, and, in my nervous state, I forgot
part of my poem, I was able to finish it with rhyme and meter correct, even
though I had made up my own ending on the spot. I am convinced that it had been
the fact that I had been reading a lot of poetry and also practicing writing
it.
Another suggestion is that while you are writing your story
and you find that your sentences are choppy, continue, then reread and edit. It
helps to reread everything and correct as necessary after you’ve gotten the whole story out instead of stopping in the
middle of the flow of creative juices.
And, finally, practice.
Practicing your writing is as important as practicing an instrument. You must
explore both new literature and new ways of writing, but please, please, for
the sake of those who must read your work of art, avoid the plague of choppy
sentences.