Come Again…?!

By Geo Holms

 

Quoted from The Golden Pen threads October 1st and 2nd:

Geo Holms- …makes me want to write something random...

Spring Brookring- Yes! Go write something random! The world needs more randomness!

Well…you asked for it…

How to Be Random…

A Random Article

I am not the resident professional of the random; I’m not even the vice-professional of randomness; I’m not even a candidate for being the intern of Murribie, the Greek god of randomness and the proper eating of blue cheese from Antarctica.

(Incidentally, thaw with hair dryer and use clothespin on nose.)

Where was I?

Rambling on the computer typing random and pointless junk that people will avoid like the plague and the editor of this webzine will promptly delete when read.

Oh, yes, I’m not as random as you would think. I would name off those of more random nature but I fear copyright issues and attacks from armies of evil penguins, sub consciouses, a blondish bodyguard, editor fury, and conspiracies…just to name a few.

So, guessing that you are reading this article, you too want to be random.

You don’t?

Why the heck are you reading this article then?

Are you gone yet?

No? Oh, I’ll continue anyway if you’re going to stay here. I shall tell you some random ways to be random, from Geo Holms, the unofficial understudy of random (and Ronts, contributor of random). To be even more strange and disjointed, I’ll put it in a list format. As a note, some of these are referring to actions on the web, some for both real life and web enjoyment; all are ‘slightly’ random.

·        Use exclamation marks! All the time! I mean it!

·        Rubber chickens, ducks and other poultry may be needed.

·        Never introduce yourself normally. Best to throw a random first impression:

·        Hi, I’m Geo, the person currently standing behind you…HA! Made you look.

·        Yo, newbie, I’m the slacker of this joint and conspirator of taking the sanity of newbies.

·        Wait, why is everyone introducing themselves?  This person might be part of the ‘group’. Run for the hills!

·        Who am I? You’ll just have to find out won’t you? *runs away snickering evilly*

·        An alternate identity never hurts. *gets hit by chair* You were saying? OK, I stand corrected.

·        An alternate identity could be various things:

·        The voices of the subconscious

·        A furry thingy

·        A spokesperson

·        Evil alter ego

·        Mythological creature of questionable sanity

·        You’re not hinting at anyone, are you?

·        Heck no, what would make you think that? *snickering*

·        An avatar as random as you are never hurts. For some reason images of a washing machine come to mind. And a Green Fuzzle…odd. I miss those ones...

·        Incidentally the actual definition for an avatar is a manifestation of a god. Not sure how that fits in but it’s interesting to know.

·        Signatures—you can even finish off each post with the randomness that wells from your heart…or something like that.

·        Do just what ‘they’ expect to be unexpected…but wouldn’t that make the unexpected expected in their view? Er…moving on…

·        Who is ‘they’ anyway?

·        Start a conspiracy against Cabbage (or with Cabbage for that matter). Or ‘They’. Or Staplers. Or that ‘Evil Blinking Light On the VCR’. Or a conspiracy against conspiracies in general.

·        Take out the pudding launcher and start shooting.

·        Look! I found a nickel!

·        Quote your pet.

·        Use duct tape for everything.

·        Be a professional warrior in the name of Randomisity.

·        Sporfle and Glomp everyone!

·        Make up words.

·        Make sure that the word is actually not a word. I thought that malarking wasn’t a word but it was. So make sure that your made up word is actually a made up word.

·        Peanut Butter on all foods.

·        How is that random?

·        It’s tasty—that’s what counts.

·        Change topic in mid sentence and, yes, I do enjoy spreading grape jelly on my cat, despite the fact that we don’t have a cat, in which case I chase squirrels after midnight.

·        Give an evil laugh. Bwahahaha!

·        Start rhyming everything, until their ears all ring…

·        References to the fluffy can be added.

·        Make a list of ‘how to be random’.

·        You know this is not a complete list. There are hundreds of other tips that I am too lazy to dig up. Randomness is not limited, it’s boundless.

So that’s about all that I can think up on short notice. Think it’s too short? Ah, alas, a loophole in how to be random—there’s always more steps to be found or created, much more numerous than I could portray here with my moderate knowledge of randomisity.

Anyhoo, I shall leave you with some random quotes to close this off from a few ‘random’ people.

“I'm not random, per se. I have patterns. It's just that these patterns are not readily recognizable to anyone, including myself. My randomness is just connecting things to other things in ways that people don't think of at first.”

-Falar

“Remember it [these steps] will only be a path. The true being of randomisity is a hard state to attain.”

-Linny/Cyra

“First learn how to not be random, then, do whatever isn't that. Since it is not not random, it is random.”

-Ben Miff

“I'm sorry, have I missed something? Or has the world always been this way and I've just been too wrapped up in myself to notice?”

-Baron

That’s about all that I was able to badger people for and so I shall close this odd article.

Except for one serious note. Warning: there is such thing as too random and being put into a strait jacket and a padded cell, so be careful with that in mind.

You sure know how to kill an article.

Underpants!

Then you do something like that