Surefire Humor

By Vitora

 

Olá, clase!

 

(Oik.  If I start talking in Spanish, someone shoot me—that clase, er, class is getting to me.)

 

Welcome to another random writing article by me.  This little baby will discuss a subject that seems to be quite popular with the denizens of the Golden Pen Forums…humor.  Whether it comes in the form of Spring and Mr. Miff’s awesomely bizarre ‘zine articles, or as wars involving such things as banana bread, explosive factories, and penguins, humor is designed to do one thing—make you laugh.  (Well, all right.  Maybe two.  Maybe it’s designed to send you to the brink of insanity, but you weren’t supposed to know that.)  It takes work to make people laugh, and more often than not, unless you’re very skilled, your attempts are flops and you end up looking and feeling like a fool.

 

Now, don’t get me wrong—I am in no way an expert on humor.  Sure, I’ve written a few funny things in my life, but unfortunately most of them had to do with inside jokes.  Such things can be humorous, but only to the people who know what you’re talking about.  So this article may very well be the blind leading the blind—bear with me, though.

 

After analyzing the things that make me laugh, I’ve come up with a list of techniques that I myself would like to copy accurately and will also be sharing with you.  First, however, you need to think about your audience.  Who are you writing this for—friends and family, a tight-knit online community, a single ‘zine, the entire world?

 

Obviously, your audience will change the nature of your humor…little kids are more likely to laugh at bathroom humor, whereas teens and adults need something a bit more sophisticated.  (And naughty.  But we really aren’t going to go there.)  And if the people who will read your piece know you quite well, and you share inside jokes, then those can be incorporated for a hearty laugh.

 

However, here are some tidbits you can use if writing for a broader audience:

 

Give human characteristics to inanimate objects

*        Inside the meat and cheese drawer, Miss Provolone and Mr. Cheddar were flirting, while the Mozerella family took their pet raisin out to the park for a walk.

*        Finally, Martin the Warrior had had it.  With a growl, it leaped up and slapped James full across the face with its front cover.  “Stop ripping my pages!” the book screeched.

*        The spoon sniffed.  “Forks—always strutting around like they’re so important.”

“Aye,” the knife agreed, nodding philosophically.  “Somehow they think having prongs makes them superior to us.”

 

Switch the roles of things

*        Waddling into the room, the chair breathed a sigh of relief and slowly took off her slides.  Her free legs wiggled joyfully, and she eased into her favorite easy-person.

*        “Quickly, troops!  We ride to battle!” whinnied the captain.

Eyes shining in excitement, page colts scurried about, polishing tack with cloths they held in their mouths, preparing the knights’ armor, and issuing rations for the war mounts.  When Lightning entered the stable, the squire was greeted by an enthusiastic shout from his lord’s steed; but as he did not speak the human language, he couldn’t decipher the cryptic words.  “Stupid horse, you’d better get me out of this blasted stall before I strangle someone!”

*        Squeaky flexed his paws and grinned rather wickedly.  Perfect.  Pouncer was so innocent, so unsuspecting…  The mouse charged out of the hole, squeaking in triumph as he charged after the terrified feline.

 

Have something unexpected happen

*        You can always wrap up an article with something totally unanticipated, such as an explosion that kills the invincible character.

*        Then the llamas vanished, leaving woolly socks in each and every room.  (The Day the Llamas Came to Redwall, Spring Brookring)

 

Insert “misplaced” modifiers…on purpose

*        He saw the bicycle peering through his binoculars.

*        Popping, sparking, and blowing fuses, the CEO stood helplessly at the podium while the new audio-visual system self-destructed.  (Under the Grammar Hammer, Douglas Cazort)

*        The airline’s employees were told that their company was a victim of a hostile takeover by their union representative. (Under the Grammar Hammer, Douglas Cazort)

 

Satirize and poke fun at things

*        Shelby stared in surprise.  This strange creature, this politician, had actually spoken words she could understand!

*        [Aquiring a legendary sword] is a must; every Redwall Action Hero needs their very own legendary sword. However, most legendary swords don't appear out of thin air. Try snooping around in some odd places, like weather vanes, tombs, abandoned castles, and plumbing. If you become discouraged in your search, just pilfer one from a museum. I mean, if it's in a museum, it must be legendary, right? (The Redwall Action Hero’s Handbook, Spring Brookring)

*        “Here, Triss,” Drufo said.  “Escape with this flimsy piece of useless metal!”

 

Play around with clichés

*        She dropped her herb basket and ran to tell the Father Abbot, shrieking her head off. It took her a while, because she had to keep stopping to pick up her head. (The Day the Llamas Came to Redwall, Spring Brookring)

*        He decided to go ahead and open the can of worms.  However, the worms did not take to the idea of being fish bait and squirmed away.

*        The lips giggled as they leaped from their owners and bounded down the dock.  Upon spotting a nice fishing schooner heading out to see, they all dove in.  This sudden weight applied, unfortunately, was too much for the little boat, and it slowly sank beneath the waves.

 

Incorporate stupidity and slapstick

*        A black rubber spider fell off the doorsill and bounced around on a string for a while before giving up and going in search of rubber flies. The Redwallers were growing more and more confused by the minute. (Halloween at Redwall, Spring Brookring)

*        Think of every possible effect that any action can have. Then choose the worst one. You can safely assume that is the one that will happen. (How to Survive: the Yn Nor Forums, Ben Miff)

*        And so, confused by the high sugar levels and the strange fizziness of the beverage known as Koike, the Redwallers ran about bumping their heads into various sharp pointy objects.  Above it all, the buzzards wheeled in anticipation of a good—if not dense—meal.

 

Don’t forget the randomness!

*        Someone volunteered a suggestion that perhaps the day should be declared a holiday.  With the Abbess’s permission, the Redwallers danced around a slice of this strange new food, wearing toilet paper on their heads, and chanted the name of the festival: “Pizza Day.”

*        Martin: Listen to my lovely voice, lowly otter: summer’ll come and you’ll get an instant champion.  Just add water! (Triss in a Few Pages Part I, Vitora)

*        You've been suspended 12 times for taking Martin's sword to school. (You Know You’re Addicted to Redwall When…, Spring Brookring)

 

That’s it, kiddos.  All I can say is, write in your own voice and you’ll be fine.  Even if it means borrowing some of my (well, they’re not really mine) listed techniques and applying them to your own work.  I look forward to reading some more side-splitting material…

 

Adios, amigos!