Surefire
Humor
By Vitora
Olá, clase!
(Oik. If I start talking in Spanish, someone shoot
me—that clase, er, class is getting to me.)
Welcome to another random writing
article by me. This little baby will
discuss a subject that seems to be quite popular with the denizens of the
Golden Pen Forums…humor. Whether it comes in the form of Spring and
Mr. Miff’s awesomely bizarre ‘zine articles, or as wars involving such things
as banana bread, explosive factories, and penguins, humor is designed to do one
thing—make you laugh. (Well, all
right. Maybe two. Maybe it’s designed to send you to the brink
of insanity, but you weren’t supposed to know that.) It takes work to make people laugh, and more often
than not, unless you’re very skilled, your attempts are flops and you end up
looking and feeling like a fool.
Now, don’t get me wrong—I am in no way an expert on humor. Sure, I’ve written a few funny things in my
life, but unfortunately most of them had to do with inside jokes. Such things can be humorous, but only to the
people who know what you’re talking about.
So this article may very well be the blind leading the blind—bear with
me, though.
After analyzing the things that
make me laugh, I’ve come up with a list of techniques that I myself would like
to copy accurately and will also be sharing with you. First, however, you need to think about your
audience. Who are you writing this for—friends
and family, a tight-knit online community, a single ‘zine, the entire world?
Obviously, your audience will
change the nature of your humor…little kids are more likely to laugh at
bathroom humor, whereas teens and adults need something a bit more
sophisticated. (And
naughty. But we really aren’t going to go there.) And if the people who will read your piece
know you quite well, and you share inside jokes, then those can be incorporated
for a hearty laugh.
However, here are some tidbits you
can use if writing for a broader audience:
Give human characteristics to inanimate objects—
*
Inside the
meat and cheese drawer, Miss Provolone and Mr. Cheddar were flirting, while the
Mozerella family took their pet raisin out to the park for a walk.
*
Finally, Martin the
Warrior had had it. With a growl, it leaped up and slapped James
full across the face with its front cover.
“Stop ripping my pages!” the book screeched.
*
The spoon
sniffed. “Forks—always strutting around
like they’re so important.”
“Aye,” the knife agreed, nodding philosophically. “Somehow they think having prongs makes them
superior to us.”
Switch the roles of things—
*
Waddling
into the room, the chair breathed a sigh of relief and slowly took off her slides. Her free legs wiggled joyfully, and she eased
into her favorite easy-person.
*
“Quickly,
troops! We ride to battle!” whinnied the captain.
Eyes shining in excitement, page colts scurried about, polishing tack
with cloths they held in their mouths, preparing the knights’ armor, and
issuing rations for the war mounts. When
Lightning entered the stable, the squire was greeted by an enthusiastic shout
from his lord’s steed; but as he did not speak the human language, he couldn’t
decipher the cryptic words. “Stupid
horse, you’d better get me out of this blasted stall before I strangle someone!”
*
Squeaky flexed
his paws and grinned rather wickedly.
Perfect. Pouncer was so innocent,
so unsuspecting… The mouse charged out
of the hole, squeaking in triumph as he charged after the terrified feline.
Have something unexpected happen—
*
You can always wrap up an article with something
totally unanticipated, such as an explosion that kills the invincible character.
*
Then the
llamas vanished, leaving woolly socks in each and every room. (The Day the Llamas Came to Redwall, Spring
Brookring)
Insert “misplaced” modifiers…on purpose—
*
He saw the bicycle peering through
his binoculars.
*
Popping, sparking, and blowing
fuses, the CEO stood helplessly at the podium while the new audio-visual system
self-destructed. (Under the Grammar Hammer, Douglas Cazort)
*
The airline’s employees were told
that their company was a victim of a hostile takeover by their union
representative. (Under
the Grammar Hammer, Douglas Cazort)
Satirize and poke fun
at things—
*
*
[Aquiring a legendary sword] is a
must; every Redwall Action Hero needs their very own
legendary sword. However, most legendary swords don't appear out of thin air.
Try snooping around in some odd places, like weather vanes, tombs, abandoned
castles, and plumbing. If you become discouraged in your search, just pilfer
one from a museum. I mean, if it's in a museum, it must be legendary, right? (The Redwall Action Hero’s
Handbook, Spring Brookring)
*
“Here, Triss,” Drufo said. “Escape with this flimsy piece of useless
metal!”
Play around with clichés—
*
She
dropped her herb basket and ran to tell the Father Abbot, shrieking her head
off. It took her a while, because she had to keep stopping to pick up her head. (The Day
the Llamas Came to Redwall, Spring Brookring)
*
He decided to go ahead and open the
can of worms. However, the worms did not
take to the idea of being fish bait and squirmed away.
*
The lips giggled as they leaped from
their owners and bounded down the dock.
Upon spotting a nice fishing schooner heading out to see, they all dove
in. This sudden weight applied,
unfortunately, was too much for the little boat, and it slowly sank beneath the
waves.
Incorporate stupidity
and slapstick—
*
A black
rubber spider fell off the doorsill and bounced around on a string for a while
before giving up and going in search of rubber flies. The Redwallers were
growing more and more confused by the minute. (Halloween at Redwall,
Spring Brookring)
*
Think of
every possible effect that any action can have. Then choose the worst one. You
can safely assume that is the one that will happen. (How to
Survive: the Yn Nor Forums, Ben Miff)
*
And so, confused by the high sugar
levels and the strange fizziness of the beverage known as Koike, the Redwallers
ran about bumping their heads into various sharp pointy objects. Above it all, the buzzards wheeled in
anticipation of a good—if not dense—meal.
Don’t forget the
randomness!—
*
Someone volunteered a suggestion
that perhaps the day should be declared a holiday. With the Abbess’s permission, the Redwallers
danced around a slice of this strange new food, wearing toilet paper on their
heads, and chanted the name of the festival: “Pizza Day.”
*
Martin: Listen to my lovely voice,
lowly otter: summer’ll come and you’ll get an instant champion. Just add water! (Triss in a Few Pages Part I,
Vitora)
*
You've
been suspended 12 times for taking Martin's sword to school. (You Know
You’re Addicted to Redwall When…, Spring Brookring)
That’s it, kiddos.
All I can say is, write in your own voice and
you’ll be fine. Even if it means
borrowing some of my (well, they’re not really mine) listed techniques and
applying them to your own work. I look
forward to reading some more side-splitting material…
Adios, amigos!