My Story

This year being 2001 has been one time period that I would rather forget and never look back again to. My life has been nothing less than a total whirlwind. I have come from happiness to extreme sadness to happiness to sadness once again.

This year began with my wife kicking me out of my home. I was then forced to live in my apartment all alone. I have never felt soo separated and alone as I did then. I actually moved into my apartment Dec 15th of last year. She (my wife) couldn't have picked a more heartless time to kick someone out but just before Christmas. But that tells of her nature of being.

When I moved in I had nothing more than my clothes...a computer and a desk (which she was "Generous" enough to let me have). I later bought a new TV from Kmart and a member of my old ward (Becky's current ward) gave a couch to me. So I had a tv..a computer and a couch as far as the only furniture in my apartment. In fact that is the only furniture in my apartment even today.

I had been taking college courses that previous fall. And she kicked me out the week before finals. So as you (the reader) can probably guess I didn't do so well in those finals. My life had been picked up and body slammed. I felt that I had been chewed up and spit out. I remember waking up crying...and waking up crying. It was the most horrible feeling to be rejected by your wife who you have lived with and loved for the previous 5 years.

For the month I was basically a hermit. I could only make it to work and that is it. I ordered pizza for just about every night to eat. It really DOES get old after eating it for so many days in a row.

On my birthday Becky had me come over to her house for a little party with the kids. That was a real treat!! Seeing my kids again and feeling like part of my family again. That night I asked her if I could come back. I could see the "Want" in her eyes. She agreed, for the next few months I basically lived there. I loved having my kids and wife together again. At some point I told Becky "Even though this is going ok now, we need help. We need counseling to help us to work things out." For the past 5 years since our problems began, I have asked her to go to counseling with me...over and over and over. She absolutely refused for the past 5 years. And she did it once again. She then told me that we should get divorced, I asked her in reply if she was for sure. She said that she was.

So for the next couple months she called me at least twice a week nagging me to file the papers. I had no plans to file since I didn't want to divorce and I didn't agree that divorce was an absolutely essential thing. I believe that it could work out if both partners were willing to (Which I was more than willing). In April or May I got tired of hearing grip and complain about me filling the papers out. So I told her "If you want to get divorced you'll have to fill the papers out yourself." Then on May 25th I was served the divorce papers.

Interesting fact is that the man that Becky had serve the papers to me is in her ward. Neither he nor Becky thought that I would recognize him but I did. A month later in June while Becky had dropped the kids off at my apartment, she started talking (And she doesn’t have the common sense when to STOP talking) and talking and talking. She said in a proud manner that she was going to move out of her parents’ basement. And I so replied with a “That’s good.” Then she said that “and I’m going to move out when I get married.” I then said to her “When you get married?” Then she realized that she had spoken too much. She had to answer my question. She said that she was going to get married. I asked, “When is the wedding?” She said December 4^th. I then asked if she was marrying “Lester” he is the guy that served the divorce papers to me. I was pretty shocked by that revelation.

A few things that might be needed to be mentioned is that “Lester” isn’t his REAL name it is his middle name (now why someone would prefer to be called “Lester” I have NOT A CLUE) and Lester has been inactive ever since we moved here (March of 1998)

I continued to go to school into the winter quarter and into the spring. One day as I was on my drive home from English class I got a phone call. It was Becky calling, she sounded upset. She said that she had a “Stalker” I asked her “How? Why??” I didn’t explain my questions to her but “How” (How did this “stalker” stalk her?)…and “Why?” (Exactly like it says..Why in the World would someone stalk another’s wife (especially Mine?)????? She said that “Lester” was her stalker. She wanted me to come over to her house so that when/if he called that she could tell him that she had company so she didn’t have to talk to him.

Another example of her having “Diarrhea of the Mouth” she told me of some of the things that Lester talks to her about. He was very inappropriate. According to her, he spoke to her quite sexually and about how many people that he’s had sex with women. This is her word that he said, “I have slept with A LOT of women.” She told me that she didn’t want these ridiculous phone calls.

These phone calls continued evidently seeing that they are still planning on getting married.

I will not and cannot blame Becky for the failure of our marriage. I do not accept the sole blame either. We were both in the marriage and the marriage failed…thus it is our equal problem although selfishness and abuse have no part in a family relationship. I am talking about the psychological abuse. Abuse nor physical abuses were never a part of my marriage. She was a very manipulative person. She’d use guilt and blame to get her way in most things. If I didn’t agree fully to something that she wanted, then the accusations would begin to be thrown at me. I can remember her saying, “You never listen to me! You are such a jerk! You…this! You….that!

I work nights at a hospital, and morning after morning she would wake up and immediately ask “Who were you with last night?” accusing me that I was cheating on her…which I never did. I use to sit in my car in the driveway. And just sit not wanting to enter my home. There was nothing there except for two loving kids and a mean and a selfish wife. Like I said earlier I had to move out because she didn’t want me anymore. What a horrible feeling it is to know that your spouse that you’ve lived with and loved doesn’t want you anymore.

Today the date is Dec 4^th and my divorce is not final yet. It should be final next month.

This year has been overall a real bad bad bad year. Besides my personal problems, this country has seen dark days. On September 11^th, 15 terrorists hijacked four different airplanes with the sole purpose of using these jets as battering rams. Two jets flew into the World Trade Center towers located in New York City. Each tower was 110 stories tall. They employ about 100,000 people. The first airplane hit one of the towers at 9:55am (6:55 am PST) within minutes the second airplane hit the second tower. From the television reports pandemonium then ensued. Many people died instantaneously. Within 30 minutes both towers had collapsed. There were hundreds of fireman and policemen in the towers trying to lead the people out of the building. Before the collapse, some of the people who were on floors above the impact were stranded they had no place to go. Fire was everywhere. People were seen jumping out of the building with no place else to find refuge. What a national tragedy!

In addition to the World Trade Center another hijacked airplane was rammed into the Pentagon. And there was a fourth airplane that was thought to be headed to the White House. The crew and some passengers fought for control of the airplane with the terrorists and it steered it away from Washington DC. That plane crashed in a field in Pennsylvania. From that day on this world has changed tremendously. The airports have enforced such security measures as never have been seen before.

This past month has been awful! It has been such a trying time for my family and me. My dad, who has been suffering from Kidney cancer that had spread to his skull and brain, passed away on November 10^th. His funeral was on November 15^th, what would have been his 54^th birthday.

I live in Washington State, he and my mom were in Houston Texas for chemo treatments. Everything seemed to be going well in the treatments. Dad began sleeping all of the time. They did a test and found a tumor that was pressing on the Carotid Artery leading to the brain. On the 5^th of November it was discovered and the doctors only gave my dad a 24 to 48 hours to live. He wasn’t respondent at all. That night he just moaned and sounded like similar to what I’ve heard at work with patients that are on their way out of this life. Within an hour of the phone call from my mom telling me of the situation I was on the highway to begin my 2300 mile drive to Houston. I arrived in Houston Thursday night. I went to see my dad and mom. He constantly slept and snored. He could respond to direct orders like squeezing hand, sticking tongue out, open eyes. Simple actions like that. The last shuttle of the day was going to run from the hotel to the hospital soon. So we only had an hour or so with Mom and Dad Thursday evening. The joy that I had been seeing him, he squeezed my hand, I talked to him telling him that I was there, he smiled once too. He had his arm covering his eyes blocking the light of his room. His arm propped an eye open, and we then waved to him. He smiled back to us. We knew it was my dad in the cancer-ridden body. That made my day! Just seeing him smile at us and him squeeze my hand. He knew that his kids were there.

The next day on Friday we went to the hospital that morning. I then knew that it was time for dad to pass away. Soon after we got there the nurse came in to check his Oxygen Saturation in his blood (Pulse Ox) and his blood pressure along with checking his Neurological Functions. His eyes weren’t reactive to light. His Oximetry was down a little. He wasn’t reactive to commands (squeeze hands) or nothing. He would occasionally “forget” to breath. We would need to shake him a little to get him to breath again. As the day progressed his Apnea would occur more and more frequent. His temperature also shot through the roof, it went up to 104 F. That evening the missionaries came by the room and gave me a blessing. I knew the end was near. Before the last shuttle of the day was to pick us up. And Jason and Merideth were leaving for the front door to meet the shuttle. My mom told us to give her the phone number of our rooms if “it” happens. Before I left my dad’s room. I gave my mom a hug and told her that I loved her. She knew what I was thinking that my dad wouldn’t last long. I didn’t know for sure, I just felt it in my gut. She asked me “It doesn’t look good, does it?” I told her “No, although I am not medially educated…it doesn’t” I then told her some of what I saw as signs of the impending loss. We both then cried and hugged. My heart sank and felt broken. At 6:00 am I got the phone call that I never ever wanted to get. It was my mom she said, “It happened.” I then threw some clothes on and packed my bags and headed out the door. I pulled a button off my shirt as I was putting it on. The sight at the hospital was one that I will not forget. Throughout the prior couple days I often would hold dad’s hand or put my hand on his shoulder. I did it once again that very day. His body was soo cold. His Spirit had left his Mortal Body. I tried to comfort everybody there. Although I was in pieces I wanted to make sure everybody else was ok. A member of the church who had visited mom and dad while they were there came. My mom called him and asked if he would come. What an awesome guy he is! He is from this area actually. Jeff Berg is his name he is a Dental Student.

We left the hospital and got a room at a Marriot that was across the street from the hospital. We spent one night there, all of that day we just hung out and enjoyed one another’s company. We left Sunday morning back to Fort Smith. We arrived in Ft Smith Sunday evening. By the time we arrived the funeral home in town had left a message about dad arriving.

Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday I visited dad each day. My brother and I along with the help of Pete Titsworth dressed dad on Monday evening. The funeral was on Thursday; there was a big turnout. The music was just soo wonderful and the talks were just like dad would have wanted it. There were three talks. His cousin Darryl Bottoms gave a talk speaking on the “Olden Days” when him and my dad were cruising buddies and got into trouble together and stuff. Bobby Wood gave the second talk, he is in the Bishopric, and he spoke about Dad the man. He spoke of the memories that my family as well as dad’s coworkers and friends had of dad. He told of the stories just as if he were there telling the story from person experience. He did a wonderful job! And of course (since dad was a Dry Councilman) there was the Gospel talk. Brother David McDonough gave the 3^rd talk. He spoke of every aspect of the gospel from the Pre Existence to the Spirit World. A perfect talk, dad was always a missionary. Although his calling wasn’t necessarily “Missionary” he spread the gospel to everyone and everyone that he came across.

After the funeral was the gravesite and the burial. Since dad was in the military they had a couple Army Serviceman play taps and present an American flag to my mom in respect and honor for dad’s service in the military for our country. That was an awesome sight I had never seen that before.

And of course after the funeral they had a Potluck Meal, my dad always liked having potlucks at the church for any of all kinds of meetings.

And now it is December and I cannot believe how fast this year has flown by.

Early in the year I had though that nothing could be worse than being kicked out of your home and having your spouse already have marriage plans while still married to you. The loss of my dad has been worse. I still can’t realize that he is gone.