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| The flight home was agony. Twelve long hours in an oppressive cabin in coach. And it was hot. In fact, she found herself wishing for air conditioning, or at least a hand held fan. She closed her eyes and tried to get some sleep, but it was too crowded to doze. And too hazy… someone had to be smoking. She coughed once and hoped it would help to put the cigarette out. Or at least get the guilty party into the bathroom. She placed a pair of headphones over her ears and tried to watch the movie they had been showing endlessy for the entire flight. But she had seen it millions of times on the land. It was pointless to watch it in the air. She would only get more touchy. She hated intricate culprits. They made her head hurt. Her head already hurt. She wanted some advil, but still had over 3 hours until she could get a few. Three hours. In three hours she would be home. She loved home. It was her sanctuary, her one place to get away from everything that had been happening in her life. There were no fans at home. Her dogs didn’t want an autograph. Not that she minded her fans, she loved them with all of her heart. Still, she loved her solitude with all her heart as well. And at home, in the comfort of everything that was real to her, she could achieve that solitude. This time, oh yes this time, it was well earned. She hadn’t been off the road in months. Her mind had been whirring with promotional deals, contracts, sound checks, and photographs for far too long. She missed her life. Even though she was still in her life, this was a different part of it. Her life had levels, it seemed. She was a megastar, the person everyone wanted to talk to; they all thought they could get a piece of that base just through interaction. She was ordinary, the girl everyone joked around with; they all would wait to hear her next words, knowing she would make them laugh until they cried. She was a girlfriend. And she missed him. With all of her heart she missed him. But with her job came this pressure to succeed. And with that pressure to succeed came the lonely pains from her heart telling her one thing. She missed him. But he understood what was going on in her life. And that just made her love him more, which in turn made her miss him more. It was a brutal cycle, one she refused to get out of, because she couldn’t. Getting out of that cycle preordained losing him, and she refused to do that too. She was a daughter. And she loved her parents. Her time away from them killed her, but she knew they were with her. In her heart and in her mind, they were with her. That gave her harmony. It helped her through lonesome nights. It helped her through shows when they weren’t there. Which was most of the time because they had lives of their own. It was helping her right then, just the recollection of them. It was helping her through that plane ride. She looked across the aisle at a little girl with her head on an older boy’s shoulder. The boy turned to her and informed her that his little sister’s tenth birthday was that day. And she was ill. He was trying to take care of her on his own, but they were on their way to their grandparent’s house because he couldn’t do it any longer. She thought of her siblings. She wondered what they were doing right then. Maybe talking on the phone with their best friends or combating over the remote control. Maybe they were sitting on the front porch, waiting for her to walk up the sidewalk like she always did after a tour. Waiting for their big sister to come galloping back into their lives for another week before she left again. And she would always leave again. That was her job; to leave. Saying goodbye was the hardest part of her job description. She had never imagined how hard it would be to say goodbye to so many people all at once and know that you won’t be seeing these people for a long time. Even though you knew you were coming back, a period of months or just weeks is long enough to miss something key. She had already missed baseball games, dances, movies and parties. She had missed too many of them. She missed her favorite cousin’s graduation last month. Something she had promised and sworn to be at. She had missed it because of a scheduling conflict, and once again it had happened. Her job had over-ruled her life. But she cherished this with all her heart. She wasn’t miserable. She was in love with her life, and took the downfalls as they came. She would walk to her house and ask for forgiveness for missing her graduation, and throw her a party. Just the two of them. She would say hello to all the people she was missing. She would gallop back into their life and play big sister once more. She would take them to the movies. That’s what she would do. Or maybe to a baseball game. She would take her parents to dinner. She would pay for the whole thing, and maybe some coffee after that. She would kiss him, and let him hold her in his arms. That way she wouldn’t miss him anymore. She would be right there. HE would be right there. She would be home. She would lay on her couch and just close her eyes and dream. But the only difference was, she would be dreaming of now. She would dream of where she was right now. And she would wake up happy. Because that twelve hour flight was something that went with her job. And she had always dreamed of this job. Her dreams had come true. The plane touched down and she unfastened her seat belt. She was home. And she was so much more. |