About two months ago, I lost a very good feline friend of mine named Squeaky. He was one of two brothers; Squeaky being my roommates cat, and Squeaky's brother, Stunt, being mine. When I found Squeaky in the road, I picked him up and cradled him and cried and cried and cried. He was such a gentle soul; his tragic death made no sense to me. To this day, I start to cry whenever I think about him.

I vowed to keep the same thing from happening to Stunt, and a few other cats we have been taking care of. Some of the people in the mobile home park where I have my mobile home do not like cats, and several have taken to putting out traps and poison. In fact, only a couple of days before Squeaky's death, my cat, Stunt, was chased into a trap and I went through hell to get him out. This caused a riff between myself and the park management and the person who had the trap. I was later accused of setting off the traps and had a visit from the police and the animal control officer. The accusation apparently came from the person who had the trap and the park management. I realized that 24 years in the mobile home park were enough.

I rented a house 10 miles away from the park, straight back in the woods. I collected the cats, including my beloved Stunt, and brought them to the house. It took Stunt a few days to settle down to the new surroundings, but eventually he seemed to enjoy it very much. The only problem with the house is that it is close to the road, but it has a huge backyard with plenty of room for the cats to play in. My main mission in moving was for my Stunt and the other cats to be safe.

A couple of days ago, Stunt disappeared for over 24 hours, and I feared the worst. The house is in the woods, and many things can happen to a cat if he decides to roam the woods... especially if he is not familiar with it. I was sick with worry and just knew my baby was gone. He finally showed up around midnight; starving, yet seeming doing alright. I knew after that incident that my feline friend was going to be a roamer, and that I should just get used to him being gone from time to time.

Tonight, after a night of shopping, I came home and was almost at my driveway. It was dark, but my headlights made out an image of a cat lying dead in the road. It was my baby, Stunt. Apparently he got hit by something, just as his brother did two months earlier. I picked him up and cradled him in my arms, and just as with Squeaky, I cried and cried and cried. I'm still crying for my baby. I just can't believe that he is gone. What in the world did I do to make the universe so mad at me as to take both brothers away from me within about a two month period? They weren't just pet cats to me... these were feline friends, and Stunt was one of the best friends I've ever had in my life. In fact, he was the closest thing I'll ever have to having my own child.

The tears will flow for many days, and I will question the reasons for life and death. Right now, my life seems quite empty and useless. Stunt brought me joy and happiness, and now I have none. My mind is filled with imagined images of his death. I hope he did not suffer, but I will never know. And I can't help but wonder if he was asking where I was during his time of need. The thought of him dying alone breaks my heart. However, I feel fortunate in that I was able to find the body, so I know he is gone; there is no question. Eventually I will find closure, and maybe someday, I will find peace.

As for my feline friend... Heaven sent you, and your brother, to me a little over a year ago. We've had some fun, some great memories, some great pictures, and you've taught me so much. I wish we were able to spend much more time together. I wish you a peaceful journey as you rejoin your brother in Cat Heaven. Please know that I will always love you, and that someday, I will be able to think about you and smile without crying first. But not right now... for now I must cry.

Take care Stunt. I love and miss you so very, very much.