It's 4:00AM now. Only a few hours ago marked the one month anniversary of Stunt's passing. I should have spent the day celebrating my cat's life and all the joy he brought me. Instead, I spent the day in bed, and tried very, very hard not to think about it at all. Very selfish of me, I know, but I'm still not handling his passing very well. I looked at some pictures of him earlier this evening, and broke down again. I would eventually like to be able to view his pictures with happy thoughts and a smile, but I don't know how long it will take for me to make such a transition. It's even hard to walk past the fireplace mantle and see his and Squeaky's urns setting there. Yesterday, I made a small donation to Alley Cats Allies in memory of Stunt and Squeaky. After all, they were pretty much feral kittens when they showed up. I have fed many, many stray cats over the many, many years I have been on this planet, and I have lost more than I can keep count of. But for some reason, these two took ahold of a large chunk of my heart, with Stunt taking a generous portion. I can't explain it. I just know there is an emptiness there now. Time should help heal, but I see now that it is going to be a very long drawn out process.

Since it has been a month since Stunt's passing, I am going to try to stop dwelling on his death in my blog entries, and write about something else from now on. I originally thought writing down my thoughts about his death would help me cope with the loss, but it hasn't; at least I don't think it has. I really don't have anyone to discuss it with, so for the most part, it stays bottled up inside. My roommates see me break down every now and then, but they don't know what to say, so they pretty much just leave me be. I cringe everytime I pass the spot on the road where I found him dead; makes it very difficult to come home and pull into my driveway.

But anyway, time marches on, and life must continue. I can't reverse time, nor can I bring him back. I can only remember... remember and hope... hope that one day, when it's my time to pass over, that I will see my feline friend and his brother again. Then... the emptiness will be gone.