Legend of the Spectrum Diedrichs
by
Fishis and Krisis
So
one night Fishis was working with Bob (also known as Robert Paulson, of Fight
Club fame). You see Fishis works at a
coffee shop and Bob is a very large human being. Fight Club evidently takes place in the future, because this
person is clearly Bob, and clearly still alive… and appears to be female, which
we haven't yet figured out but... perhaps it was all actually a
misunderstanding in the movie.. anyway, I digress.
And so Bob says sweep.
Damn it
Okay so she sweeps. And then in comes Alfredo, whom always comes
to the café, usually right after visiting Amsterdam's Coffee Shop and various
OTHER Diedrich's. And he has
MiniAlfredo with him, also known as Todd. Yeah and Todd is jailbait who is into
older women and her friends, and tells them odd ways to get his number, but
more on that later.
Anyway so Fishis asks them
to hang out with her and they are skeptical because Fishis looks like bad
news. She looks like one of those girls
that is gonna end up getting them wanted by interpol AND the mafia and
eventually they'd wake up with headaches in Utah wearing "hello my name
is.." name tags, without being able to remember how they got there or what
happened to the cheese danishes they had.
So of course they say yea.
And then it goes downhill
from there
So they went to hang out the
very next day. Alfredo and Todd brought their friend Krisis along, a girl named
Laura, and a pile of her friends. But Laura’s friends mostly kept to themselves
and eventually ceased to exist on account of no one really noticing them.
And
then Todd resented Krisis. Because
later on him and Fishis is chatting it up. They are talking about moc
(makeoutclub.com) which is a place where indie-punkers go and have profiles.
Suddenly,
in the midst of Todd’s resentment, a giant levitating fish nonchalantly emerged
from the nearby mists of fountain, and did tell young Todd to get over it
because everyone knows that any girl within his proximity is destined to like
Alfredo. But young Todd still wants to give it a shot, so superfish rolls its
eyes and flies away
Elsewhere in the Spectrum,
that glorious centre of human civilization that shines like a beacon in the
centre of otherwise apathetic Orange County, someone looks into the air and
exclaims "its a herring! its a cod! I don't know but its a large
levitating fish with a cape!"
And at that moment Superfish
winked at that noble person, and they did faint and fall into the west-side
fountain. Upon them Fishis later trips up when she runs through that fountain,
but Alfredo does not cause he only pretended to wade through the fountain, and
neither does Krisis for at that time he was sitting atop an ATM machine, but
this all comes later.
Back to our previous line of
chronologic progression, however; Alfredo was going on his fourth Triple-espresso,
and falling in love with the illusive Diedrich’s employee named
"Kzat," who in turn was daydreaming about her eternal love for
Jordan. And Kzat, dreaming of her lost
love Jordan, was so distracted that she gave espresso-crazed Alfredo a cup of
tea for free. This clinched his love
for her and caused him to swear a vow of eternal love for her.
Just as the situation looked like it couldn't get any more wack; as Alfredo
sipped his tea and pined after Kzat, and Kzat waited on a fat man named Bubba
while dreaming of Jordan, Krisis and Fishis chatted happily about their mutual
love of cheese danishes, and Todd plotted cruel revenge on Krisis for stealing
his woman...
...some
nearby shrubbery burst into flame, distracting all! ...well not Alfredo, he went
on pining. But all others stood
aghast. And Todd stood up and started
to scream. Soon the shrubbery was all
burnt up. And Fishies started weeping;
“that was my favorite shrubbery!” And
before the hallowed lion statues which have long stood beside the food court
there was soon naught but ash.
Fortunately a shrubber
happened along. All rejoiced as he set
about reshrubbing, and Fishis started to fall in love. In the ensuing confusion young Todd did tell
Fishis’ friend Summer to get his number in a peculiar way. And that caused much
controversy, and much confusion. So
Fishis fell in love with the shrubber, and Summer fell in love with Fishis, but
then quickly fell out of love. She
listened to superfish; she heard his voice from a distance, as in a dream. But young Todd did continue to love Fishis,
and Todd was very immature being jailbait and all. ...Alberto loved Kzat and Kzat loved Jordan. And Krisis loved
cheese danishes.
But then the ground did
tremble and the vile beast Molzy appeared, with an insatiable appetite for
men. And all did tremble. Especially Rick, whom she referred to as
“grade A meat.” And then they did flee from the evil wench Molzy.
While in exile at the other
end of the Spectrum they were, there was running through fountains, and
sittings on ATM machines.
Eventually, from that place,
that glorious beacon, the Spectrum, which outshines The Block in Orange in all
ways save possession of a Krispy Kremes, our noble adventurers did leave.. and
went on for further adventures which you'll hear about later, but not before their nightly trip to
Taco Loco, where Rastafarians fed Krisis and Alfredo nachos with shrooms. And it is now a matter of debate as to
whether the hallucinations Alfredo then had all night were resultant of his
dozen triple espressos, the Rastafarian shroom nachos, or his excessive and
unsatiated love for Kzat.
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