I would'nt be broke if the voices in my head paid rent.

Been there, forgot that.

Bottomless pit of needs and wants.

One by one the penguins steal my sanity.

What if the hokey pokey is really what it's all about?

I just got lost in thought...It was unfamiliar territory.

Born to be half an hour late

Here I am now what are your other two wishes.

Chaos, Panic Disorder, My work here is done.

I havent lost my mind(its just backed up on a disk somewhere.

There are 3 kinds of people in this world  those who can count and those who cant

Out of my mind back in 5 minutes.

I'm much too young to be this old

If my butt starts beeping im backing up.

Those who believe in psychokinesis raise MY hand

your village called, their idiot is missing.

I know the rules they just dont apply to me.

I'm having a senior moment.

I'm not part of the problem I am the problem.

Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?

I am going to simplify my life as soon as i get back from the mall.

PMS:Purchase more shoes.

.... and you're telling me this because?

I'm sure you're asked this all the time but what is your problem?

If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman to hear him is he still wrong?

I'm retired but I work part time as a pain in the butt.

He's dead jim, you take his tri-corder and i'll get his wallet.

Clean, Dependable, and Hard working. What kind of monster have I become.

stop talking i'm out of aspirin

Crazy I was crazy once they locked me in a big white room I died there, they buried me, bugs crawled all over me bugs make me crazy (repeat)

When I want your opinion I will know I'm desperate.

If i promise to miss you will you go away

I'm not an alcaholic, I'm a drunk, Alcaholics go to meetings. Happiness is yelling BINGO The only person who understands me is my dog. There are 24 hours in a day and 24 cans of beer in a case, coincidence I think not.   Youre a naughty boy, go to my room. God made pot, Man made beer, who do you trust Don't drink and drive you may hit a bump and spill your drink. Does your boyfriend have a girlfriend?  Everyones entitled to be stupid but you've abused that right.   It's hard to think of you as the end result of thousands of years of evolution.  Yes in fact it does hurt when I smile.  I can only please one person per day today is not your day and tomorrow isnt looking good either.  Welcome to my little corner of the institution.   The procrastinators support group meeting has been postponed.   I wasn't born a bitch; men like you made me this way.  God is busy, may I help you, I'm the devil.  I only do what the voices in my pants tell me to do.  Youre only jealous because the voices talk to me.   Hand over the chochlate and nobody gets hurt.  I may be a bitch but I am the pick of the liter.  What you dont see with your eyes dont witness with your mouth.   Dont annoy the crazy person.  Fate, it seems is not without a state of irony.    At the end of the day we are likely to be punished for our kindness.   To answer your question: yes it did hurt when I fell from heaven.     I smile because you have all finally driven me insane.    Save us both time and assume I know everything.   Oh crap you're going to try and cheer me up arent you? UB6 IB9