The more fool you
 

First thing Ashton does is kiss back, and for a second there it's just what he-- it's exactly how--

Then his brain clicks into gear, and he pulls away real fast.

Diddy looks at Ashton, seemingly puzzled. "Huh?" Puffy says, but it's not really a question and he's already leaning in for more.

Except this time Ashton has the sense to turn away so that Puffy's mouth just grazes along the side of his jaw. Then they both freeze up, Puffy leaning awkwardly against Ashton's chest, before Ashton bunches his shoulders and shoves Puffy away, maybe a little harder than is strictly necessary.

Fuck you, Ashton wants to say, but what he does instead is laugh: "AhahahaHAHAha!"

Yeah, Ashton laughs. Laughs so hard he's nearly crying. He even slaps his thigh.

"OK," he finally manages to choke out. "OK, man, you got me. And that was funny, I'll give you that, totally lame, but funny." Ashton wipes at his eyes, takes a deep breath, and looks around expectantly. Any moment now, he thinks, any moment now Jason will run in, Al and Dax are gonna burst through that door...

Diddy snatches off his shades and stares. He looks furious.

"So where the fuck is everyone?" Ashton says impatiently. For added effect he stands up and turns around, arms spread wide, and shouts: "Game over, the gig's fucking up!"

Puffy stands up too. "What are you, fuckin' high?" He really is a better actor than Ashton gave him credit for.

"Yeah, whatever." Ashton folds his arms defiantly, swallows hard. "Come on," he says, loudly so the microphones will pick it up. "Come on out, assholes. You got me, okay?"

"The fuck...?"

"Yeah, whatever." Ashton shrugs, laughs again like he means it. "Look, man, it's over. Over. You can quit the dumb act, okay? You did a good job, I'll give you that, not as good as--"

"Oh FUCK you, Kutcher," Puffy shouts, and that shuts Ashton up. "So you think I'm just," Puffy continues furiously, and he's not holding back now, really getting in Ashton's face, "you think I'm just fuckin' with you? You think this is just some silly-ass prank?"

"Ummm. Yeah?" Ashton shuffles backwards, trips over the edge of the carpet, and falls sprawling on his back. He looks upwards and - Diddy's fuming but there's a gleam in his eye that makes Ashton that much less certain and a lot more excited.

Puffy shakes his head, disgusted. "Kutcher, you are one paranoid motherfucker." Still shaking his head, he gets down on his knees, straddling Ashton's thighs. "Anyone ever tell you that?" he adds unnecessarily, reaching for the buckle of Ashton's belt.

"Oh jesus fuck." But it's hardly a protest. "What are you--"

"What the fuck you think I'm doing?" Puffy says, and though he sounds scornful he looks pleased as he leans down, mouth only inches away from Ashton's. "I'm gonna convince you."

By Ro, October 2003

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