Will the Yankees fire Joe Torre? My guess is he will be gone, but I think that move would be a mistake. If I remember correctly, the Yankees have made the postseason every year since Torre took over. Although they haven't won a series in three years(Gasp! The Horror.), They are always there. Few teams can make similar claims. I guess the problem is that one of those teams is the Red Sox.
I would like to know who determined the proper position of a toilet seat is down with the lid up. I say the correct placement is both the lid and the seat down. I have several reasons for this, and they are as follows:
1. Equality- Why should men have to reach down and lift the seat everytime nature calls? Answer: They don't. The hole in the seat is almost as big and a more challenging accomplishment results. If the lid is down, women would have to lift the lid before commencing. Similarly, men would have to bend all the way down and lift both the lid and the seat.
2. Odor control- A closed lid somewhat seals the affected area. No more explanation needed I hope.
3. Protection- How many times have people dropped things from toothbrushes to combs to glasses in the bowl? By leaving the lid closed except when the toilet is in use, the problem is solved. What is that saying, “A rolling stone gathers no moss.”? Well, mine is, “A closed lid gathers no personal grooming items.”
While I am going on about random things, who decided a napkin is a one time use only item? I am going to go on record as saying that napkins should be used and reused until there is no more practical use left. Think of the amount of trees we could save in a few years. I am not an environmentalist tree hugger by any stretch of the imagination, but some things just scream wasteful to me. As with all things, a few common sense rules are needed to help those less enlightened people from screwing this up for everyone.
Only reuse your own napkin. I don't want to be wiping my mouth with random napkins or even napkins from friends or relatives.
When the napkin is thoroughly stained and no white remains, it is dead. Throw it away. An idea like this is only good if people aren't sitting there using napkins stained red from ketchup with a nice green and white swirl from the incubating mold.
If you take extra napkins from a fast food place, save them and use them at home. Don't just throw them away at the restaurant. Not only is throwing them away wasteful of paper, but of money too. I always saved my extra napkins. This summer my car I used for my entire college career was traded and I had to clean out my extra saved napkins. It took a while , but I eventually rounded up all two hundred or so of them. I used them all.
Random Song Lyrics
“There oughta be a law against cowboy rap, and all that boy-band crap.”
Tracy Byrd – A Good Way to Get on My Bad Side
“With all of these men lining up to get neutered, it's hip now to be feminized. I don't highlight my hair. I still got a pair. Yeah Honey, I'm still a guy.”
Brad Paisley – I'm Still a Guy
“They warned me about cigarettes, whiskey, and beer, but no one ever warned my about the music I hear.”
Doug Stone – Warning Labels
Well, I guess that is good enough for my first update in nearly two years. As a bonus, I'll even include an update I typed up this summer but never got around to posting until all the information was irrelevant. (I say that as though the preceding paragraphs were relevant.)
I guess the information was so irrelevant that I must have deleted it as I cannot find the file anywhere.
12/14/2005
Well, I am now in my final week of school....ever. That, my friends, is a good feeling. Today I had to give a presentation for my Senior Design project. This was a practice run for the final presentation next Tuesday that is the final assignment I have as a student.
Unfortunately, the end of college also means the end of ultra-high speed Internet access. Since I will be returning to the world of dial-up access, my updates will most likely become more sporadic until they asymptotically approach my level of summer updates.....namely zero. I really don't know how long the steady decrease will take to reach no updates, but undoubtedly the day will come.
On a lighter note, I finished preparing my presentation at 1:12 this afternoon. Shortly thereafter, I realized I left my black belt at home. Since my presentation wasn't until 4 pm, I had nearly three hours so I went to Wal-Mart to buy a belt. The snow was really coming down at this point, so the drive was an adventure. One thing I know is it would have been really fun to drive there on my four-wheeler. Oh the doughnuts I could have spun.........oh well. On the plus side, I didn't spin any with the car so alls well.
I thought I'd give everyone a heads up about Toby Keith's new song to be released under his new record label. The song is called, “Get Drunk and be Somebody.” With a title like that, who needs lyrics, huh? Well tough, here are some anyway. Nah, forget it...look them up on your own.
The Bucks have really looked good lately. I'm sure that since I typed that last sentence, they will get demolished by Miami tonight, but that is a risk I am willing to take. I am also willing to risk never editing my fantasy basketball team until the playoffs start.
Now on to the Packer game from Sunday night. Until the middle of the fourth quarter, I was completely unaware that running backs could get called for intentional grounding. After the initial call was made, I thought, “Wait a minute. He was outside the tackle box and the ball got to the line of scrimmage, plus there was a receiver there. The part I really don't understand is how Tausher's holding call was ruled to have happened outside the endzone. The Packers were on the half yard line. He was lined up in the endzone on the play. I guess I can't argue with the result though. Sometimes the breaks actually do go your way. Some would argue that they should have lost to stay in the “Reggie Bush Sweepstakes”, but I think Houston has a stranglehold on that position and don't appear to have a clue how to win a game. Although, the only way Houston can lose worse than they have so far is to win so they lose the #1 pick. Seriously, how do you miss a kick as badly as Kris Brown missed that kick on Sunday? I know I could have gotten it closer.
Wow, alley-oop to T.J. Ford....The little man has mad hops/crazy ups/springy knees. I made that last one up myself...I bet you could all tell.
http://www.crowdpleezers.com/SuperBowlBound2.wmv
Lil' Ronnie backs the Colts, so don't be rippin' on his homey Reggie Wayne. Here I thought this was about Ron Mexico.
Man is T.J. Ford awesome at setting up his teammates for dunks/open jumpers. They really missed him last season. At least they got Bogut out of the crappy year.
Well, that is all for now. Look for one more update before next Wednesday when I say goodbye to Platteville forever.
12/05/2005
Stupid Eagles. Last week they could do no wrong against the Packers, and this week the first play of the second half is one of the ugliest fumbles I have ever seen. Reno Mahe basically threw the ball to the ground when he was hit in the backfield. Andre Dyson picks up the ball and runs in for his second touchdown of the night and a 42-0 lead for the Seahawks. I have Seattle's defense on my bench this week and played the Bear's defense. I thought the 20 points they got me was good. Seattle's defense got more than that in the first 31 minutes of the game. The way it looks, Koy Detmer will add to their total before the end of the game.
I have a Thermo Systems Lab presentation tomorrow. In two of the six test runs, the steam turbine data showed an efficiency of greater than 100% which is of course impossible. As a presentation visual aid, we plan to add a video clip from "The Simpson's" where Homer yells to Lisa, "In this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!"
Well, I am tired tonight so I am not planning to add any more. Enjoy what I typed and don't complain or I might have to charge a membership fee.
11/28/2005
Touchdown Colts. Good thing Manning is on my fantasy team. I have a quick note for that Steelers corner, “Cover Harrison. He's pretty good.”
Since I didn't type an update last week, I couldn't say how I knew the Packers season was over. Many may think it ended with the home loss to the Vikings, but the season truly ended when the Bears embarrassed the previously threatening Carolina Panthers. I didn't think the Bears had a chance to win another game the rest of the season, but I was wrong. The Bears just keep on winning in spite of their ineptness on offense for the majority of every game. I have some advise for the teams playing the Bears in the coming weeks, “Block Alex Brown. Either that or punt on first down.” It seems to me that the Bears score more points as a result of turnovers than should be possible. If Carolina had just punted the ball away on first down, the Bears would have only managed 3 points. The Bears seem incapable of scoring on drives longer 20 yards. On Sunday against Tampa Bay, the Bears longest scoring drive was 1 yard. Imagine if the Bucs had punted on first down. No fumble, no Bears touchdown. Suddenly the missed 29 yard field goal is irrelevant. They might get field goals, but they can't score touchdowns.
Thanksgiving was fun. My table consisted of 10 people between the ages of 19 and 26. Two bottle of wine were emptied ..... and then we started to eat. Another bottle of wine later, a round of beers was distributed. Good times. Good times. I ate so much turkey, potatoes and rolls that I didn't even have any dessert. Despite the cold and strong wind, we went outside and had our annual football game. After about two possessions by each team we quit and decided to do something warmer. Later that evening we watched “The Longest Yard.” It was a good movie I guess. I know that Michael Irvin looked good as a convict. Ironically, he was arrested on drug charges last week. Isn't it funny how life imitates art?
Well, that's all for now. Hopefully I will have time to type more next week.
11/15/2005
Ty, that's why the teams scout Liberty College.
Despite my doubts, it is snowing tonight. I probably wouldn't have noticed had a snowplow not gone past at one point a couple hours ago.
Despite my best efforts, I still believe the Packers could, make that will, win the NFC North. How could that happen, you ask? Here is how. Just look at the schedule. The Packers have already played the tough teams on their schedule. I think they will beat Philadelphia in Philly too, but they gotta lose at least one more. The last game against Seattle looks very winnable as the Seahawks will have locked up home field advantage through the playoffs by then barring a monumental collapse. Additionally, I don’t see the Bears winning another game. They might find a way to beat Atlanta or Minnesota, but winning both is unlikely. If my predictions below are accurate, the final standings in the NFC North will be as follows:
1. Green Bay 8-8
2. Minnesota 7-9
3. Detroit 6-10
4. Chicago 6-10
Green Bay
Minnesota–W
at Philadelphia–L
at Chicago–W
Detroit–W
at Baltimore–W
Chicago–W
Seattle–W
Minnesota
at Green Bay–L
Cleveland–W
at Detroit–L
St. Louis–L
Pittsburgh–L
at Baltimore–W
Chicago–W
Chicago
Carolina–L
at Tampa Bay–L
Green Bay–L
at Pittsburgh–L
Atlanta–L
at Green Bay–L
at Minnesota–L
Detroit
at Dallas–L
Atlanta–L
Minnesota–W
at Green Bay–L
Cincinnatti–L
at New Orleans–W
at Pittsburgh–L
Remember, the Packers get Robert Ferguson back soon and the defense is playing surprisingly well. I wouldn’t even rule out the possibility of the Packers finishing with eight straight wins and a record of 9-7. If Samkon Gado provides even a shadow of a threat of a running game, the passing game may continue to be effective. I also feel that Antonio Chatman could develop into a larger role in the offense. Look at all of the small quick receivers having success with others teams this season: Santana Moss, Terry Glenn, and Joey Galloway. Perhaps the league is beginning to overload to stop tall and strong receivers after 10 years of dominance leaving a small space for little receivers to squeeze into. (Pun intended.)
11/10/2005
The following is not my work, but it is entertaining nonetheless. In fact, it is probably better than most of the utterly useless crap I write.
Poor Kyle Orton. The Bears are winning games, but every week presents another challenge for the often-overmatched rookie. How bad is it? He's thrown just six touchdowns, been sacked 21 times, completed just 55.3 percent of his passes and has an efficiency rating of just 65.5. Keep the sack total; take away a touchdown; shave three points off his completion percentage and 2.5 more off his rating, and his numbers would actually be as bad as Michael Vick's.
I was talking with my girlfriend’s father the other day about the joys of watching football. As we discussed the intricacies of enjoying the weekly matchups, It occurred to us that many of the people in our lives simply didn’t understand what it takes to watch a game. It’s as if they think a Sunday afternoon of pigskin should be treated the same way as watching a made for TV movie on the Lifetime Network. I began wondering how many loyal sports fan there were out there who understood that watching football is a highly interactive event, but felt compelled to suppress their passion to fit into the social norms defined by someone else.
Well I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t have to be that way. You’re a football fan. Sunday afternoon is your time. You know the best way to watch the game. The following is a list of things to justify what you already know, and maybe a few extra tips you didn’t. Don’t bother trying to convince the nonbelievers of these guidelines. Just know in your own heart that you’re right as you ignore the gutters that desperately need cleaning while you clutch your beer in your recliner to cheer on your team.
1) There is absolutely nothing wrong with sitting home alone watching the game and being decked out in the team’s gear from head to toe. Nothing. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a spy sent by your arch rival to disrupt the local fan spirit. Just as the Mafia would suspect such a person to be wearing a wire, you can just about guarantee he’s wearing a t shirt of your arch rival under his jacket.
2) Before the game beings, hide any heavy objects and surround yourself with pillows. When your offense takes a delay of game penalty that puts them out of field goal range late in the game, you’ll be thankful that the first thing you can get your hands on to throw at the TV won’t break the screen. If you don’t have a lot of pillows, use your girlfriend’s stuffed animals. When she complains tell her that watching football with them is your way of bonding with her “little friends”.
3) Nothing you say between the start of the game and 1 hour after its conclusion can be held against you later. That 4 hours is a very emotionally trying time. You can’t be expected to maintain composure during this period. Here are a few examples of this, but keep in mind that if you’re still doing any of this stuff on Monday morning, your family is probably justified in recommending a psychiatric evaluation…
a) You can passionately hate everyone on your team during the applicable time period. Furthermore, you can change your opinion about players and coaches multiple times during the game pending on the outcome of each play. Don’t hold back. Say what’s on your mind. It’s healthy to let it out.
b) When you think that you could coach the team better, you’re not being irrational. In fact, the team owner is probably looking your number up in the phone book right then to ask you to take over for the second half. Don’t be ashamed to flaunt the fact that you know more about football than anyone in the NFL.
c) Your 92 year old grandmother most certainly could get more separation in the secondary that the team’s wide receivers.
d) Telling your friends that you want to run outside, get in your car, drive to the stadium even though it’s an away game on the West Coast, sneak into the game and run onto the field to make the football a permanent addition to a player’s intestines after he dropped an easy pass in the end zone is not an indication that you’re being unreasonable.
4) It’s not crazy to believe that your team can’t succeed without you wearing the proper t shirt or with your hat inside out or sitting in the proper chair while watching the game. Any beliefs of that nature of totally logical. In fact, if you don’t believe that what you wear or how you watch the game has a direct impact on the outcome, you’re probably not a true fan.
This one needs to be credited to Justin Poulin, author of the Celtics’ column here on Most Valuable Network as he said this to me when we were discussing sports at his wedding a few weeks ago. Got that? He was discussing sports at his wedding. So if you’re a Celtics fan by any chance, you know you can get the opinions of a seriously die hard fan on MVN.
5) When your team makes the same mistake for the 314th time this season, they absolutely are doing it just to irritate you personally. There is no other rational explanation.
6) Screaming at the television makes sense. They referee can hear you on the field. When your neighbors come banging on your door because you woke up their cat, just tell them you have one of those fancy two way TV’s like the Jetsons did. When they don’t accept this and have the cops show up you can get out of a citation by inviting the officers in for the remainder of the game. Odds are they are more interested in the score than in your neighbor’s quiet time. Just remember that they are just as passionate about the team as
you are, but they have guns. Have them refer to guideline no. 2 before getting comfortable. If you don’t and your TV gets shot, it’s your own fault. However it’s justifiable from the cop’s standpoint because the referee probably had it coming.
7) Just because it’s a football game doesn’t mean it’s the wrong time to randomly start chanting “Yankees Suck”.
8) If you live outside your team’s broadcast area and can’t get your team on the local station, but are just on the fringe of the TV or radio reception, it’s normal to spend 3 hours trying to watch or listen to occasional flashes of the game through heavy static. You won’t go blind and you’re not obsessed. You’re a die hard football fan and you’re too loyal to let a little thing like not being able to see the game keep you from seeing the game!
These are the sorts of things that people have been telling me I’m wrong for my entire sports loving life. Well I say they are wrong! I know many of you out there know how I feel. This football season, don’t hide who you are. Be the true fan you were born to be! Feel free to leave a comment adding anything you know to be perfectly acceptable on Sunday afternoons as well!
Now, on to my stuff. Does anyone know the answer to this question: If you plant a peanut, does it grow?
Yes Tony, I have seen the video for “Corn Fed”. It is by Shannon Brown. I enjoyed the video with all the tractors and combines, but my observation is that girl is anything but cornfed. I also agree with your analysis of “Honky Tonk Badunkadunk”.
Did everyone hear about the Carolina Panthers cheerleaders bathroom adventure? If not, I gave you enough information to find out for yourselves. Hint: There were two sockets and no plugs, and they took entirely too long in the bathroom. Cheerleaders. Bar. Sex. Male fantasy overload.