Wisdom for the Soul - Avoidance/Denial/Refusal

AVOIDANCE / DENIAL / REFUSAL

Aversion is a form of bondage. We are tied to what we hate or fear. That is why, in our lives, the same problem, the same danger or difficulty, will present itself over and over again in various prospects, as long as we continue to resist or run away from it instead of examining it and solving it.
Patanjali
c. 200-150 BCE, Indian Philosopher, Writer

Do not try to drive pain away by pretending that it is not real. If you seek serenity in oneness, pain will vanish of its own accord.
Sanskrit Saying

If you don't bring forth what is inside you, what you don't bring forth will destroy you.
Jesus of Nazareth
c. 5-38 CE, Jewish Prophet, Mystic, Founder of Christianity
in The Gospel of Thomas

It is easy to keep things at a distance; it is hard to be naturally beyond them.
Bunan
1603-1676, Japanese Gatekeeper, Zen Master

To repel one's cross is to make it heavier.
Henri-Frederic Amiel
1821-1881, Swiss Philosopher, Writer

Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers but to be fearless in facing them. Let me not be for the stilling of my pain but for the heart to conquer it.
Rabindranath Tagore
1861-1941, Indian Poet, Dramatist, Essayist, 1913 Nobel Laureate

When an inner situation is not made conscious, it happens outside as fate.
Carl Jung
1875-1961, Swiss Psychologist, Theorist
Aion

You must know when, how, and to whom you must say "no." This involves considerable difficulty at times. You must not hurt people, or want to hurt them, yet you must not placate them at the price of infidelity to higher and more essential values.
Thomas Merton
1915-1968, American Trappist Monk, Writer
Conjectures of a Guilty Bystander , 1966

You can't recover from what you do not understand.
Lillian Hellman
1905-1984, American Dramatist, Screenwriter
Maybe

Fear of knowing is very deeply a fear of doing.
Abraham Maslow
1908-1970, American Psychologist, Educator

You must constantly guard against the trap of falling into a routine of remaining busy with unimportant chores that will provide you with an excuse to avoid meaningful challenges or opportunities that could change your life for the better.
Og Mandino
1923-1996, American Writer, Motivational Speaker

You cannot fix what you will not face.
James Baldwin
1924-1987, African-American Writer, Dramatist, Poet, Civil Rights Activist

In the absence of wake-up calls, many of us never really confront the critical issues of life.
Stephen Covey
1932-, American Management Educator, Writer
First Things First

The problem is not that human beings have hostile and sexual feelings, but rather that human beings have a conscious mind that is so often unwilling to face these feelings and tolerate the pain of dealing with them, and that is so willing to sweep them under the rug.
M. Scott Peck
1936-, American Psychiatrist, Writer
The Road Less Travelled , 1978

We are all in need, in crisis, although most of us still seek to hide the reality of our brokenness from ourselves and one another.
Peck
The Different Drum

If you aren't willing to listen to the Other, the one who is different from you – because you fear that person or what she or he represents, you'll pay for it. The monster that you're projecting onto the other person will get bigger and more terrifying, because your fear will feed it. If you turn away at a stage when you could have listened and spoken in a responsible and nonviolent way, there'll be a violent explosion that will harm you and the other person. The monster you've created isn't going to go away – it's going to go on tripping you up until you deal with it.
Gloria Anzaldua
1942-, Mexican-American Educator, Writer, Editor

Everything in the universe, including every part of ourselves, wants love and acceptance. Anything in life we don't accept will simply make trouble for us until we make peace with it.
Shakti Gawain
1948-, American Therapist, Writer
Return to the Garden: A Journey of Discovery , 1989

We avoid things that we're afraid of because we think there will be dire consequences if we confront them. But the truly dire consequences in our lives come from avoiding things we need to learn about or discover.
Gawain
The Path of Transformation: How Healing Ourselves Can Change the World , 1993

Denial, and the mechanism of perceptual defense that underlies it, touch your life in more ways than you could ever imagine. Problems don't get better with time. You cannot change what you do not acknowledge. And what you do not acknowledge is going to get worse until you do.
Phillip McGraw
1950-, American Psychologist, Litigation Consultant, Writer
Life Strategies: Doing What Works, Doing What Matters , 1999

It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I accept.
- Cartoon "Calvin & Hobbes"

What we can't face looks for us anyway.
- John Trudell

AVOIDANCE / DENIAL / REFUSAL
This cross-index may help identify and delineate more closely subjective realities often hard to pin down. Related states elucidate shades of meaning and amplify nuances of feeling Syntonic elements foster and enhance well-being Dystonic factors are contraindicated and should be minimized.
Related States & Conditions	Appearance/Form , Attitude , Conviction , Deferment/Delay , Delusion, Dependence, Distraction/Diversion, Inaction, Insecurity/Risk, Suffering, Struggle, Worry
Syntonic	Acceptance , Actualization/Fulfillment , Affirmation/Approval , Appreciation , Attention/Awareness , Autonomy/Control , Centering , Confidence , Courage , Daring/Challenge , Decision/Decisiveness , Detachment, Enlightenment/Realization/Transcendence, Engagement/Integration/Involvement, Equanimity, Exploration, Forgiveness, Love-Agape, Meditation, Openess/Receptivity, Optimism/Positivism, Prudence, Release, Spirituality, Strength, Transformation, Understanding
Dystonic	Attachment , Conflict/Opposition , Criticism/Judgment , Defeat , Depression/Despair/Despondency, Fault, Fear, Grief/Sorrow, Habit, Hate, Jealousy/Envy, Limitation, Loneliness, Regret