Quotes (not so funny)
Read these texts well:
They inform and they educate.
They make the fool wise.
If you read them to an ignorant man,
He will be enlightened thanks to them.
Fill yourself with these texts,
Keep them in your heart.

The dust was Harappa, was Ur of the Chaldees. Some spider-webs and they were Thebes and Babylon, Gnossos and Mycenae. Whisk whisk, and where was Odysseus, where was Job? Where were Jupiter and Gottama and Jesus? Whisk - and those specks of antique dirt called Athens and Rome, Jerusalem and the Middle Kimgdom - all were gone. Whisk - the place where Italy had been was empty. Whisk - the cathedrals; Whisk whisk - King Lear and the thoughts of Pascal. Whisk, passion; Whisk, requiem; Whisk, symphony; Whisk...
- Brave New World. Aldous Huxley

There was only one catch, and that was Catch 22 which specified that a concern for one's own safety in the face of dangers that were real and immediate was the process of a rational mind. Orr was crazy and could be grounded. All he had to do was ask; and as soon as he did, he would no longer be crazy and would have to fly more missions. Orr would be crazy to fly more missions and sane if he didn't, but if he was sane, he had to fly them. If he flew them, he was crazy and didn't have to; but if he didn't want to he was sane and had to. Yossarian was moved very deeply by the absolute simplicity of this clause of Catch 22 and let out a respectful whistle.
"That's some catch, that Catch 22," he observed.
"It's the best there is," Doc Daneeka agreed.
- Catch 22

I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way
- Jessica Rabbit

Our generation has had no Great Depression, no Great War. Our war is a spiritual war. Our depression is our lives.
- Fight Club

We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is full of passion. Medecine, law, business, engineering, these are all noble pursuits and necessary to sustain human life; but poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.
- Dead Poets Society

I've seen things you people wouldn't believe... All these moments will be lost in time, like tears in the rain
- BladeRunner

I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately.
I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life.
To put to rest all that was not life.
And not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.
- Henry David Thoreau

I know you're out there. I can feel you now. I know that you're afraid... afraid of us. You're afraid of change. I don't know the future. I didn't come here ot telkl you how it's going to end. I came here to tell you how it's going to begin. I'm going to hang up this phone and then show these people what you don't want them to see. I'm going to show them a world without you. A world without rules or controls, borders or boundaries. A world where anything is possible. Where we go from there is a choice I leave to you.
- No idea where I got this from

Some of the most beautiful women I have ever met tell me: "I hate myself when I lookin a mirror." I hear that again and again.
- Arthur Miller

Do not go gentle into the night. Rage! Rage against the dying of the light.
- Dylan Thomas

Who scorn his word, beware to those
The angel sees, the angel knows.
This hour shall see your darkest fears
the angel knows, the angel hears>
Heaven help you, those who doubt
- The Phantom of the Opera

And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light that shines on me,
Ahine on until tomorrow, let it be.
- Let it Be, The Beatles

Out of Ireland we have come
Great hatred, little room,
Maimed at us from the start
I carry from my mother's womb
A fanatic heart
- W B Yeats

If you continue to do what you've always done, you'll continue to have what you've always had.

Yea. Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me.
- Psalm 23

How old am I? I'll be 92 next Christmas though I won't admit to a day over 20... even after all the birthday cars are cut and shuffled it's hard to figure.
I've aged at least 500 years since I stumbled into you; yet I still believe in fairy tales like the Princess and the Frog and I still believe you wanted me... perhaps I'm only 3 or so?
You'll never know... how old I am but I'll tell you anyway.
I was born the hour I met you... and died today.
- Venus Trines at Midnight, Linda Goodman

Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin van-guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V.
- V for Vendetta

I know there's no way I can convince you this is not one of their tricks, but I don't care. I am me. My name is Valerie. I don't think I'll live much longer, and I wanted to tell someone about my life. This is the only autobiography that I will ever write and God, I'm writing it on toilet paper. I was born in Nottingham in 1985. I don't remember much of those early years, but I do remember the rain. My grandmother owned a farm in Tottlebrook and she used to tell me God was in the rain. I passed my 11 Plus and went to girls' grammar. It was at school that I met my first girlfriend. Her name was Sarah. It was her wrists. They were beautiful. I thought we would love each other forever. I remember our teacher telling us that it was an adolescent phase that people outgrew. Sarah did. I didn't.
In 2002, I fell in love with a girl named Christina. That year I came out to my parents. I couldn't have done it without Chris holding my hand. My father wouldn't look at me. He told me to go and never come back. My mother said nothing. But I'd only told them the truth. Was that so selfish? Our integrity sells for so little, but it is all we really have. It is the very last inch of us. But within that inch we are free.
I'd always known what I wanted to do with my life and in 2015 I starred in my first film, The Salt Flats. It was the most important role of my life. Not because of my career, but beacuse that was how I met Ruth. THe first time we kissed I knew I never wanted to kiss any other lips but hers again. We moved to a small flat in London together. She grew Scarlet Carsons for me in our window box and our place always smelt of roses. Those were the best years of my life. But America's war grew worse and worse, and eventully came to London. After that there were no roses anymore. Not for anyone.
I remember how the meaning of words began to change. How unfamiliar words like 'collateral' and 'reendition' became frightening, while things like Norsefire and the Articles of Allegiance became powerful. I remember how 'different' became 'dangerous.' I still don't understand it - why they hate us so much.
They took Ruth while she was out buying food. I've never cried so hard in my life. It wasn't long until they came for me. It seems strange that my life should end in such a terrible place but for 3 years I had roses and apologised to no one...
...I shall die here. Every inch of me shall perish, every inch but one. An inch, it is small and it is fragile, and it is the only thing in the world worth having. We must never lose it or give it away. We must never let them take it from us. I hope that whoever you are, you escape this place. I hope that the world turns and that things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that even though I do not know you and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you. - Valerie.
- V for Vendetta

Man - despite his artistic impressions, his sophistication and his many accomplishments - owes his existance to a 6-inch layer of topsoil and the fact that it rains.
- Author unknown

Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee
- Muhammed Ali

Everyman, I will go with thee, and be thy guide.
In thy most need to go by thy side.

The people that walked in darkness have seen a great light.

And now abideth faith, hope and charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.

Victory at all costs, victory in spite of all terror, victory however long and hard the road may be; for without victory there is no survival.
- Winston Churchill (I think)

These wings are no longer wings to fly,
But merely vans to beat the air
- T. S Eliot

This is the way the world ends, not with a bang, but a whimper
- T S Eliot

An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it

Lolita, light of my life, fir of my loins. My sin, my soul.
-Opening lines of Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov

All animals are equal but some are more equal than others.
- Animal Farm, George Orwell

The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world

If you suffer your people to be ill-educated and their manners to be corrupted from their infancy, and then punish them for those crimes to which their first education disposed them, what else is to be concluded from this, than that you first make thieves, and then punish them?
- Utopia, Thomas More

What's done is done, repent it as you may

I love you Sarah. For all eternity, I love you.
- Last words of James Polk, US President

What a spectacle! Look - how beautiful it is! Don't ever be afraid of the sea. She's the best friend our kind have got. And if we ever went down, don't fear that either. Those that the sea keeps sleep among mermaids and pearls and sunken kingdoms.
- Piratica

Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much.
- Luke 7:47

God answers sharp and sudden on some prayers
And thrusts the thing we have prayed for in our face,
A gauntlet with a gift in't.
- Aurora Leigh, Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Straightaway I was 'ware,
So weeping, how a mystic shape did move
Behind me, and drew me backward by the hair
And a voice said in mastery while I strove...
'Guess now who holds thee?' - 'Death,' I said, but there
The silver answer rang... 'Not Death but Love.'
-Sonnets from the Portuguese, Elizabeth Barrett Browning

We were the first that ever burst
Into that silent sea.
- The Ryme of the Ancient Mariner, Samuel Taylor Coleridge