I Can Love You Like That
I
can love you like that
I
would make you my world
Move
heaven and earth if you were my girl
I
would give you my heart
Be
all that you need
Show
you you're everything
That's
precious to me
If
you give me a chance
I
can love you like that
-All-4-One
Chronology: Tristan is 26. Raja is 16.
They rode to the fort on their horses, galloping at full speed. After a year
traveling with her Uncle Ardeth, Raja was excited to see her friends again at
“Look at you, with the color back on your face! Lost that sickly pallor, you
did.”
“Thank you for noticing, Bors,” she laughed.
He squeezed her one last time, giving Dagonet a turn to welcome her back.
The giant knight lifted her off her feet, but the embrace was gentle.
“Welcome back, Raja,” he said.
“It’s good to see you again, Dagonet,” she replied, grinning affectionately.
Gawain and Galahad greeted her with fierce hugs as well. Galahad’s hands
traveling a bit low on her back, a bold move on his part; Arthur cleared his
throat in warning.
The half Roman half Briton enveloped Raja in his arms, a warm smile on his
face.
“Welcome back, sister.” For she was like a sister to him.
“Missed you, too, Artie,” she said, returning the endearment.
“Cousin,” Lancelot said, greeting her with a sly grin. However it quickly
disappeared only to have a genuine smile light his face. He was sincerely happy
to see her again. She had dark curls like him, long eyelashes, even some of the
same mannerisms. They both possessed the same dragon carved trinket that their
fathers had had, passing it down to their offspring. His hold on her was firm
and warm.
“I missed you too, Lottie,” she whispered, knowing he hated the name, but
tolerated it anyway.
Tristan stood back, waiting his turn to collect her body into his arms. Her
year off of the island had brought back the color to her face, a healthy glow
emanating from her visage. She had always had poor health, but four years ago,
after an attempted rape by a Roman in the woods, her demons from childhood had
come back in full force. It only worsened, which is why her Uncle Ardeth had
decided to let her travel with him for a time, giving her a chance to heal.
It was a year ago she left, and that year was one of the emptiest times of
his life. She was not there to greet him with a warm smile after a mission, or
braid his hair after washing the dirt, blood and grime
away after said missions. There were not quiet rides or walks among the lands.
She knew and understood him better than anyone else, and he had yearned for
those eyes, those eyes that pierced his soul to let the light in. Now she was
back, and he felt elation inside of him that only her presence could bring. He
stepped forward, smiling an almost ridiculously happy grin, a very rare
occurrence.
He swept her in his arms, not giving a damn that other people were present.
“You look well, Raja,” he said, letting her go reluctantly.
“I feel well. Better anyway.” Their eyes locked onto each other, shutting
out the world for a mere moment.
Ardeth had greeted everyone; his heart was lighter seeing his beloved niece
smiling contentedly. He also happened to notice Tristan’s gaze upon her. He was
familiar with Galahad’s glances, but this was a new one to him. He wasn’t
surprised though. Those two had always had something more to the eye, despite
their ten year age difference. As Raja got older, their demeanors towards each
other had subtly shifted. Over the past year she had grown from a young girl to
a young woman, and to the eyes of the opposite sex, it showed dramatically.
“Come!” Arthur said. “You two must be tired from your journey. Your usual
rooms have already been prepared.”
“Thank you, Arthur,” Ardeth told him. “Raja, why don’t you let the stable
hands tend to Odin this time?”
Raja was leading Odin to the stables, the knights having gone off to ready
themselves for dinner. She hesitated; she much preferred to take care of his
well being. Horus squawked again.
“You should wash and rest some,” he told her in Arabic.
Raja nodded. Odin trotted over to Jols, the head stable master. He
immediately sniffed Jols’s person for apples. Jols was one of the few people
Odin trusted as he did Raja.
“He’ll be taken care of, Raja.” Horus cawed a bit louder. Jols smiled. “And Horus too, of course.”
“Oh, I know. They are both happy to see you, as am I, Jols.” She gave him a
warm hug. They had a good friendship, their mutual love for horses
strengthening that bond.
----
Arthur and the men were at the round table, sitting at their usual places.
They turned when the door opened, Raja entering first, followed by the
intimidating figure of her uncle.
Tristan’s breath caught when he saw Raja. The long brown locks of his hair
cloaked his eyes as he observed keenly. She was wearing a one shouldered, dark
blue dress that accentuated the silver of her eyes. A velvet sash strapped her
curvaceous waist, a silver hilted dagger outfitting the belt. Raja had been
wearing a long sleeved tunic earlier, but now her arms were bare of cloth,
toned supple muscles. Yes, she had certainly grown, and it was not just his
eyes that were taking notice. A clinching of his groin alerted him to this
fact, as well.
“A dress!” Lancelot said blithely.
“I do wear them on occasion,” Raja quipped.
“Like Galahad,” Gawain joked, giving his surrogate younger brother a hard
pat on the back. The knights laughed, Ardeth and Arthur smirking. Galahad was
often teased about his “skirt.” This earned a scowl from the youngest knight, a
curse uttered under his breath.
Ardeth sat to the right of Arthur, and Raja to his right.
“You look beautiful, Raja,” Arthur assured her. A slight blush crept to her
face as the rest of her friends echoed the sentiment, all but Galahad, who
could not stop staring, and was still smarting from the good natured insult,
and Tristan who was simply speechless. He gave Raja the slightest of nods as
compliments, which she and her uncle both saw.
Gawain poked Galahad in the ribs, none too subtly, giving him a look.
“Yes, uh...beautiful. Yeah,” he blubbered, quickly hunching his shoulders,
guzzling his drink.
Bors cleared his throat loudly. He raised his cup. “To brothers, and
sisters,” he smiled at Raja. “To freedom.”
----
She was sitting on the boulder at their meeting place. Raja heard him and
turned her head. “What took you so long, Trissy? I’d thought you had forgotten
about me already.”
He smiled at her jest. She met him halfway and he swung her over his
shoulder and spun around.
She laughed. “Put me down! You’ll drop me!”
Tristan set her down gently. “I’d never drop you.” He embraced her again.
“Gods, I missed you, Raja,” he whispered, inhaling the sweet scent of her hair.
“Me too, Tristan. Me too.”
The two of them sat comfortably against the rock in silence. Tristan stole
glances at her, her hair was longer and she had filled
out. She was a full-fledged woman now, and the stirring in his breeches was not
letting him forget it. Although Tristan had never looked at her in a brotherly
way, he was still hard pressed to describe his stance with her. On the whole,
it didn’t even matter, his relation to her. He was ten years her senior, and he
certainly did not have these lascivious thoughts about her when she was
younger.
Had it really been eight years since they had met at this very place? From
her profile, her full lips were sumptuous, the nape of her neck smooth and
inviting. But her eyes had always belied her age. And with them, did age
matter? He saw her shiver, despite it being the early month of May.
“You’re cold,” he said, taking off his cloak and wrapping it around her.
“Thank you.” She huddled in the large drape and breathed in the scent of
nature that it held. Fresh dirt, hay, the smell of healthy
grass. It was Tristan. “Tell me what you’ve been doing while I was
gone.”
“Hmmph. The same. Missions and battles.” He waved it off.
“There must be more. Any new intriguing women?” She
raised her eyebrows playfully at him. “A consistent lover?”
“Consistent lover,” he repeated, as if the idea of it was completely
ludicrous. In truth, he had been taking fewer women than usual, not that he was
in the habit of acquiring an entire harem of wenches like Lancelot. Tristan was
young and virile, and his sexual prowess was always vividly remembered by the
women he bedded, although he could go months without.
“I shall take that as a no then.” She took his hand in hers. “You’ll find
someone one day. A strong love, you deserve nothing less.”
She had never alluded to him finding a permanent partner before, a serious
one. She was being pensive. It was difficult to imagine him with any of the
women at the fortress. Something always stopped him, never able to feel
anything more than a sexual urge for any of them. Holding her hand, a displeasing
thought sprang to his mind as to why she brought this up. “Did you find
someone while you were gone?” The very idea of it irked him, jealousy curdled
in his heart.
Raja was silent for a moment. A deeply contemplative look on her face made
him wary.
“Raja?” he said her name more sharply than he had intended.
She took a breath. “I have something to tell you,” she said quietly, letting
go of his hand.
He waited.
“I asked Uncle Ardeth not to say anything. I wanted to tell you first.”
His body tensed with dreadful expectation.
“I was married three months ago. I came back to see you one last time.”
All the air left his body. His mind was slowly absorbing what she had just
told him. Raja...his Raja...married? Like hell!
“He is a good man,” she continued. “He is in
“Horse shit!” Tristan protested, springing to his feet.
Raja stood up to face him. “Please don’t be angry with me.”
“Man? He’s a whelp! Eighteen!” He cursed a blue streak in Sarmatian.
“I thought you would be happy for me.”
He laughed callously. “Happy? Happy?” His voice was low, dripping
with venom. “Married someone you don’t even know, a boy you don’t even
know! I can’t believe your uncle allowed this!”
“Why are you so against this? You sleep with a plethora of women, forgetting
their names, if you even knew their names in the first place, and do I spew
contempt in your direction? Have I ever? I have never begrudged you for
that.”
“That’s different.”
“How is it different? I have one man, and you have I don’t know how many
women in your bed.”
“Well now you have one boy in your bed.”
“Stop calling him that.”
“Oh, he is a boy. Probably doesn’t even know where to stick it.” He immediately
regretted that comment; he led the argument to the one place he couldn’t bear
for it to go.
“How do you think the marriage was consummated then?”
This rendered Tristan silent. Several expressions donned his face.
Incredulity, disgust, not at Raja, but at the idea of...shock...disappointment.
“You didn’t. Tell me you didn’t.”
She sighed wearily. “You don’t understand, Tristan.” Raja looked in the
distance wistfully. “A woman like me has to take what she can get.”
“What do you mean a woman like you?”
She gave him a look that said he should already know. “A
woman of noble blood, with no maidenhead to her name.” She shrugged
self-deprecatingly. “Tell me, Tristan, what man would take me as such? Too few.”
He shook his head resolutely. “You deserve better than that. Any man would
be an idiot to judge you based on that. It wasn’t your fault.”
“Are you that naïve, Tristan? You should know better. Whether or not it was
my fault doesn’t matter. I’m as good as nothing. I settled-”
“You’ve settled for a life of misery! What of all that talk of the love your
parents had? Strong and unbreakable? You said you
wouldn’t have anything less.”
“My mother was pure when she married. She was the most beautiful woman in
the world who was blessed enough to find her other half. I’ll never be as
wonderful as her. Those were just fantasies of mine.” A hard look glimmered in
her eyes. “Childish fantasies.”
“Not fantasies, Raja. You could have that.”
At this she laughed almost hysterically. “This coming from
you? A man who has never been in love. A man who pays women for a fuck and sends them on their way.
Do you even believe in that sort of love, Tristan?” She waited for an answer.
When none was forthcoming, she turned her back to him and closed her eyes. “You
once told me that you’ve never loved any woman. So I always wondered if that
meant you’ve never felt any love for me either. And not in a romantic way, but
just any love at all. The kind a person just has for someone they care about.”
She looked up at the sky. “See that star?”
Tristan was jarred by the sudden change of subject. He looked where she was
pointing and nodded.
“That’s the North Star. If you look at that, you’ll find your way home.”
“And what if you don’t have a home?”
She smiled at him sadly. “Everyone has a home. It’s where your heart is. My walida
told me that.”
However many moments went by they did not know, standing in silence, the
night suddenly bleak, until the words sprang from Tristan’s mouth. “I love
you.”
She didn’t look at him, but nodded her head solemnly. “Ever since I arrived,
you’ve looked at me differently. I thought it odd at first; I couldn’t
understand the meaning of your sudden change in regard.” Raja looked him
straight in the eyes now. “And then I recognized it. You were looking at me the
same way I see other men look at me. Lustful, you could call it.”
“You compare my gaze to the majority of men?” He was offended. Two steps and
he had her by the shoulders, head bent to meet hers. “I tell you I love you and
that is your reply? I want a simple yes or no. Do you love me?”
“Of course I do.”
Now he was bewildered, his grip tightening. “Then what the hell were you
thinking marrying another man?”
She extricated herself from his hold. “How was I to know that you would ever
confess your love to me? Or even act upon it? Would you have married me in
time? Given up your freedom to bed other women to lay with only me? You’re
right, Tristan. I wouldn’t have settled for less than what my mother had.
Marriage isn’t essential to me, but there is one thing that I’ve always wanted.
A faithful, loyal man. Maybe that seems like too much
to ask. Yet, it wasn’t for my baba, so it must be possible. Could you be
with one woman and not grow bored?”
“I would never grow bored of you! I’d give up anything for you dammit! How
could you not know that? You should know my heart better than anyone! And now
you’re a married woman.”
“So I am.”
“You won’t go back. You’ll stay with me here. When I’m a free man, we’ll
marry.”
Even to Raja this was foreign talk coming from Tristan.
“Tristan-”
“No. I can’t stand the thought of you with another...gods, it makes me sick
to even think of that little shit touching you.”
“Tristan-”
But he was already hustling away.
“Where are you going?”
“To have a word with your uncle. This will be
undone!”
She ran after him and pulled on his arm to stop him. “There’s nothing to be
undone, Tristan.”
“Like hell. This crock of a marriage will be.” He tried to walk away again
but she held him back.
“There was no marriage, Tristan!”
He halted dead in his tracks.
“What?”
Raja let out a breath. “There is no marriage, no man. I made it up.”
He jerked his arm from her. “You lied to me? Everything you just...you
tricked me.”
“I wasn’t lying about loving you.”
“You’ve made me look like a jackass.”
“No, I was trying to get you to talk to me.”
“I don’t want to hear any more.” He began to stomp off.
“So what, Tristan? Through with
me already?” She saw him stop and his body stiffened. “Running away so
soon? You’re right, I know you better than anyone. The only way to get you to
speak unguardedly and thoroughly is when you’re completely incensed about
something that doesn’t please you.”
Raja heard his knuckles crack as he clenched his fists.
“I apologize for going about it this way. I didn’t mean to make you out to
be a jackass, but I had to know. You’d have avoided me, become jealous when
other men looked at me, then you would have grown so frustrated you’d drag any
woman off to your bed to get my attention, and ease your mind.”
He made no sound as she stared at his back for minutes. Then she sighed and
removed his cloak. Her feet made nary a sound as she approached him and draped
it over his shoulders. “You said you loved me, Tristan. I won’t hold it against
you if you walk away now. But know that if you do, all that we’ve said to each
other this night, will burn to ashes.” She then returned to sit against the
boulder, to ruminate, listening to the breeze ruffle the life around them.