December 2, 2005

Today was the sort of day that makes you thankful for the little things that God provides.

A friend that shows up at the right time to save you from yourself.

That extra bit of money you didn't realize would be on the paycheck that pays for some christmas presents.

Today was also the day that made me realize exactly why God has put me where He has with the prospect of a new job. The one I'm at currently holds absolutely nothing new for me now, and I think I've learned just about all I can from it, or all that God wants me to see there.

Today was the first full day of trying to look for someone to confide in with confession. It looks like this won't be an easy search, but I think God has put me on the right path to find them.

Trying to keep God in mind all the time, in every situation is THE hardest thing I've ever undertaken. I still find myself looking back every couple of hours and having that obligatory "d'oh" moment where I realize that I've forgotten to drop the line of distinction. To let the lines blur and not have the feeling that the time to worship is when I set it aside or when other people say it's time to is a hard concept to let go of, admittedly.

To not say to myself, "it's ok to act like God isn't there" at any given time is a very hard thing to do, especially when life is segregated into set times for things, in general. To not set aside one time per day or week for God, but to set all time for God is giving me trouble. This doesn't sadden me, but makes me want it even more. I want to feel God every moment of every day. I don't want to have to stop to think how amazing He is. I want it to be on my mind as I look at everything, talk to everyone, and do everything that I do. I know at this point that it is through no effort of mine that this will be possible. It's only through God Himself that I can see and feel this, so I pray that He grants this upon me.

Today was actually the most I found myself praying, yet the most I felt like I have drifted from the previously mentioned ideal. I found myself working so hard that at times, it almost seemed too busy today to stop for God. That scares me. The thought of that even crossing my mind puts me to shame, because I feel that I'm already not worthy of the blessings He constantly bestows upon me, and by thinking this sort of thing, I am continuing to climb down the ladder away from Him instead of up it.

Prayer is amazing for these sort of things.

I've found that night time prayer has for me, gone from something I used to do every night, as something of a chore, into being something I HAVE to and NEED to do every night, that I cannot go without.

I've also been reading the Bible more regularly that I ever have before, as of late. It really shows you things I never really thought about before. I mean, I'm sure enough people already know this, but I personally had never really been a huge read the Bible kind of guy. To find how helpful it is to actually read it and pay attention is a new experience for me. I never gave any consideration how strange it was for me to be a Christian, yet to hardly ever glance at the Bible. The Word is still mostly a strange new experience to me, and for the first time that I can remember in my walk with God, I am more than excited to catch up on it.

How many of us, in our pursuit of the wisdom of God or the expansion of Christianity, lose sight of Christ and the Father in themselves?