December 6, 2005

So I worry that sometimes living as a Christian, if you actually try, makes you come across as acting "holier-than-thou". I mean, I know there will always be persecution for beliefs, but at what point can one tell the difference?

I overheard that I was called that at one point, and even if you try your hardest to think otherwise, it causes you to wonder. Am I actually having pride issues, or am I just acting Christ-like and being criticized?

I want more than anything to be a disciple, and a good one, but I don't want a pride problem to go along with it, if God is willing to help me avoid it. It's easy to overstep the line of being a good Christian and being a critic, and I can't help but wonder if I've overstepped the line.

Every fiber of my being is telling me God wants me back in music, with a band that is willing to move for Christ.

I attended a friend's church tonight for a contemporary worship service, and was pleasantly surprised at how much I felt God there. Every where I looked, I saw people that love God, and it was very encouraging to see that in people my age.

I know at this point that God is willing the formation of the contemporary service that I have previously mentioned. Tonight for example, a friend called me by accident, and when I called back, we talked and he ended up onboard as part of the planned praise band of the services. God is working here, and to see it moving along almost effortlessly is astounding.

I am struggling quite a bit with my big sin. My greatest vice is trying as hard as it can to force it's way back in, and it's so hard to fight it. I know that only God can help, so I have to step back and let Him take it from me.

Within a body of Christ, why do we sometimes find more division than we would find in opposing armies? Why does the concept of fellowship seem so alien to so many of us, when it comes to humbleness or ego? Why does the ego so often win, when we could have Christ in its place?