December 24, 2005

For all intent and purposes, this could have been considered either my worst Christmas Eve ever or my best.

It's all a bit confusing for me, but it's starting to clear up and make sense.

It was my final day on my old job today, and the devil did his best to make me miserable when, at every turn, I had a chance to see God in the face of people. The devil tried hard to make me bitter against others on my final day of work, and make me see only the stress and anger to be found where I was, but I think God finally got me through that problem, in this aspect. Just when I wanted to break out and just let my anger take the best of me at my friends and co-workers on my last day, God made it evident that these people ARE my friends and my brothers and sisters. I finally, after three years realized that these people are like a family to me, and have on many occasions helped me to see God.

I also received something today that in any normal scenario in my life, would have made me an extreme mixture of angry and sad and depressed and hopeless. For some reason though, God told me that my faith in this matter should not waver at the tip of a hat, which obviously, is true. However, whereas any time before this, I would still have my doubts and want to think negatively, God has placed in me this feeling. The feeling that failure in this aspect of my life should not be a possible outcome. He has made me positive that this thing will turn out as it should be. So what could've been a disaster for me ended up being a feeling of faith like I don't remember quite as strong as this.

Nonetheless, I'm still confused about it.

Tonight, I also spent some time at church, and the outcome was miraculous for me. The way things went there, I felt God actually standing right next to me and He was with me for much of the night as I was there.

Are our doubts unfounded, in God? Will God change what He tells us or do we simply stray to a point where we can't see what He's told us in our line of vision anymore?