December 27, 2005

Today I spent a good deal of time with an old friend, and being together with them for a bit, I realized how God can use time as a bandage for the wounds a friendship can endure.

I spent a good deal of time talking to God about worrying.

Worrying about the opposite sex, worrying about a direction in life.

Worrying about whether I talk to myself when I think I'm talking to God.

I was told very bluntly many things. The most important thing is that I find myself in doubt only when I start to lack faith, which despite the obviousness of this, is completely true. When I worry, I soon realize that it's silly, that despite my own doubt, God is still there, and my every step is seen and has been seen by Him, and He knows me better than I do. My doubt is only my own.

Therefore it makes no sense to keep it to myself. Only to let it go.

We talked for nearly an hour, mainly about a problem I have been having with doubting myself and what He has told me many times on a particular topic. The thing I was finally told, after much of my own talking, was that things change more quickly than I can ever keep track of. I think He has also told me that things will hardly happen just as I expect them to, in exactly the time-frame I expect them to.

I know that the only reason I have a problem is that MY plan isn't working out like I planned it out. The reason I have a problem is that I've put my faith more in MY OWN plans based around what God's told me, instead of trusting His plan based on what He's revealed to me.

I didn't always realize there was a difference.

I also spent time with a friend that I had nearly grown bitter towards. The devil had almost convinced me that hatred would be a solution to a problem. Upon talking to this friend again, after a long absence from spending time with them, I realized it could not be possible to dislike them, and in that, I found my ability to be bitter draining from me again. God has this funny way of working out big problems through seemingly chance and insignificant occurances that, after all is said and done and realized, weren't so chance or insignificant at all.

How soon do we realize that our God can use anything in our lives as a gateway for us to see something below the surface? Is there anything in our world that God cannot use to help us see Him and what is true? Is it possible that the things that profess to oppose Him are used by Him to make us see Him in a greater light when we DO see Him?